Poetically Pathetic

3 Months Passed

2008-11-24T22:41:00.002+08:00

It has been three long months and a whole load of shit has undergone during these 3 long months. My buddy Sam seems to be out of contact, he has not been answering my phone calls! Its feels as if he has thrown me out of his circle of friends, cos he may feel the same likewise! Oh wells, life still must go on!

Kannan has signed on in the army and i wish him all the best in his career choice! We are getting to know one another better and better through our regular meet ups during the weekends when he is able to book out. I wanna wish him all the best with his new found eye candy Melanie! Hope he wins her heart and keeps her dear to him!

As for Abel, times have been going bad for the both of us. We are always the 2 losing parties at every Mahjong game to the point where we both are a little petrified when it comes to Mahjong. As Abel likes to say it " I can do it, cos i can afford it." Well, i sense another Mahjong game coming up soon with several kahkis!

The BIG THREE! The above three names mentioned in the first 3 paragraphs mean something to me. Well, if you haven't already know, they are the BIG 3 people in my life whom i am close to. Well, i am trying my best but everyone has a different life to lead and i cannot possibly be living three separate lives. So i try to spend time with everyone!

Moving on...my relationship with Banana is seemingly growing and growing. There is feeling inside me, a longing feeling and a desire for her on some days when i am not able to meet up with her in sch, or even after sch! Well, do you call that LOVE? I doubt so, cos i tend to tell myself if that is love, then i must indeed learn how to control the emotion and feeling. Our 1 year anniversary is approaching fast, and i am supposed to cook breakfast for her, but, sadly, i just found out that she has a test on the same day i was gonna cook for her breakfast and its at 12noon, which leaves me till 10am to serve breakfast. I don't know how early i would have to be there to cook man!

Mom has been a pain in my ass! Just exchanged blows with her! She can't even come to her senses for once and not shout or raise her voice! My account is already frozen and she still does not wanna raise my allowances. Plus with all the raise with the government transport fares, its even gonna be harder to survive on the bare minimum of peanuts which i am given! Given this situation, i took it upon myself to work during the semester to earn some extra cash, so as to stabilize my situation...BUT NO!!!! MOM won't allow me to work! She nags like a chatterbox, and when i mean like a chatterbox, i am referring to hours and sometimes days! (depending on the situation and the climax she can reach) I honestly that there be a raise in my allowance to just allow me to eat, drink, and travel around Singapore comfortable. ARGHHH!!!!!!

Anyways, i am kinda stressed out now! Being an important person is not good at times. You are normally offered or thrown difficult situations to handle. I just hope that i am able to live through this year comfortably without any losses in life.

PAUSE- A FLYING COCKROACH JUST FLEW INTO MY ROOM! I AM GONNA HUNT IT DOWN TILL IT BLEEDS AND DIE!!

BACK! I managed to chase the bugger out through my window. Friends at sch are sociable. I would like to think so because i haven't been in a conflict this year. There are a few within my course whom share the same views on several distinguish stars in my course. I know that its bad to talk about other people, but i think that these STARS would fall flat on their faces due to their pride and their political shit! Well, i would like to be close to several people in my course but am finding it difficult to take the first step....OOOOOHHHHHHHH Congrats to Teck Wee and Sze Yinn! They are finally together, and its been for several months already! They look pretty steady and i hope they would last long too!

Alrights, my fingers are numb already and the medication is finally kicking into my blood vessels! KNOCKINNZ OUT NOW!!!!

-monkey-

2008-08-31T23:21:00.002+08:00

REACH OUT TO JESUS

Is your burden heavy, as you bear it all alone?
Does the road you travel, harbour danger yet unknown?
Are you growing weary, in the struggle of it all?
Jesus will help you when on His Name you call

He is always there hearing every prayer,
faithful and true.
Walking by His side, in His love we hide,
All the day through.
When you get discouraged, just remember what to do,
REACH OUT TO JESUS, HE'S REACHING OUT TO YOU.

Is the life you're living, filled with sorrow and despair?
Does the future press you, with it's worry and it's care?
Are you tired and friendless, have you almost lost your way?
Jesus will help you, just come to Him today

He is always there hearing every prayer,
faithful and true.
Walking by His side, in His love we hide,
All the day through.
When you get discouraged, just remember what to do,
REACH OUT TO JESUS, HE'S REACHING OUT TO YOU.

Random Thoughts!

2008-08-01T04:28:00.003+08:00

Its finally August, the month where my exams start. Its also the month where my holidays start too. Well, i think i've got three major papers to study for, so i better start studying. Waiting for cutey to reply me whether we are studying together. Hope we are cos i really need some time to focus on my studies.

I just chionged finished my OTBS front-end design, i was in distraught when my thumbdrive went crazy after a long day out with Nuraini teaching and guiding me step by step. I could not access the files which Nuraini and i had been working on during the afternoon at The Coffee Bean! FREAKING TECHNOLOGIES NOWADAYS.

I really honestly appreciate her help, really thought me some lessons on designing things. Guess you learn new things everyday. Anyways, dinner with baby at century square food court was sumptuous. Spent like a bomb there on my meal, but i loved it. We entered 'miz 29' which is the similar shop to the one at queensway, saw a really really nice shoe, inf fact 2 pairs, and a nice 'dickies' bag. So wanna get it, but i am saving up for the trip. I wish that i had a job those whom i know in the BIT cohort. I just wonder how they manage their time so effectively, and perhaps efficiently. Oh wells, i might as well wait for Rip's project at sentosa to commence, and i'll me having some form of income. Yeahs!

Got an offer from 'tuition agency' still contemplating whether to teach the boy, cos i am afraid i might not show the results within 2 months till PSLE. Baby told me not to take the kid, but i am having two thoughts abt it. Maybe i should just focus on my upcoming exams, but then what would i be doing after August ends? I was kinda thinking for the long run, which is why i am having two thoughts.

I have yet to prepare this week's cep's lesson, cos i am chairing the cep singspiration this coming sunday, and i have not sat down to commune with God. Sighs! Would i be able to conquer sin one day>? I doubt, but still i am not giving up. I pray that God would be with me through the rest of the week as i prepare my soul for his service on Sunday.

Anyways, i did not managed to copy marketing notes on monday, which explains why i am not doing my marketing tutorial now, which i normally do. Sighs, i think marketing is a crazy subject with lots of content to memorize. I hope i am able to cope with these three major modules left. OHHH, i still need to find 5 articles which relates to any law topics which i have learnt. Sighs, so much work to do, but so little time.

Kannan is coming out on friday, and asked me whether i wanted to go and ton over in school for the BSC camp, which i really wanna, but i gotta start studying. Well, i hope he understands when i break to him the bad news. Another week goes by with me not meeting him. Sorry bro, but i still love you!

I feel totally lost with Sam nowadays. Thats prob cos we don't even meet up, but when he is free, i am not, and when i am free, he always has his busy appointments, and playing poker, spending time with Denise, shopping in town, etc. I just hope that we'll be able to catch up with one another asap. Hope he's able to understand our current situation.

My best friend in sch has finally found 'love' and is attached to it. As so it goes, love is a fast disease to catch. Hope he is happy with her, and that they would discover great characteristics within each other. HMM, i still wonder what SX is up to with jessie. My mind tells me one thing, but my instincts tell me another. Which one should i trust? Jessie seems like a person whom i can befriend with. Well, hopefully i can find some link.

Jocelyn, my neighbour has finally moved in and i am wanting to enter her house to view the interior design. Hope her parents do not have the wrong impression of me entering her house when i do. Although i must say that her mom looks kinda stern, but her daughter turned up so bubbly and cheerful! Hope to get to know jocelyn more!

I would thank this anonymous person who gave me an appreciation card which she wrote, thanking me for being a person whom she could befriend and trust. Well, i am touched that she treasured our friendship! Chilling or 'le pak' in malay, with malia on wednessday was great. I got to know that she doesn't find affik hot anymore, can call me slow cos i seldom read other ppl's blog! So if u are reading this post, then you should be more like me, and stop reading other people's blog. Hahas!!! Just kidding!!! =)

Anyways, my 8th month anniversary with my baby was a couple of days, back, and yes she did surprise me with a very very lovely present, and i really treasure it, to the extent that i don't wanna use it. But i know that she wants me to use it, if not her efforts would have gone to waste. Well, i shall use it sparingly BABY! Thank you for the gift, and i feel so bad not giving you anything except more of my heart to you, something not tangible but long lasting. Hope u enjoyed to movie, though u seemed pretty cold and freaked out at some scenes. Smiles baby! THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN! =))

Wondering why i am up so late, thats cos i was out just now and i had a can of coke instead of coffee, and abel told me that coke contained more caffeine than a cup of standard coffee from a coffee shop. True enough, i am still up since coming back and i have not yawned once ever since. I was also doing my otbs as mentioned earlier, and i must say that i am grateful that i managed to complete it in time, if not SX and Cher Haur would be furiously mad at me. Phew! Gotta do otbs tmr and Saturday, I wonder where am i gonna find the time and energy to prepare for Sunday. Sighs!

I gotta start managing my time, and i gotta start remembering things, as i have realised, my late nights has affected my memory tremendously and i think my mom was right to nag at me when i was young, to sleep early. Alrights, until the next post.....

Finally A Long Post After a Long Time

2008-07-27T23:55:00.004+08:00

Countless number of people have been asking me to write a post, but i keep on procrastinating because i have just so much to write about, but so little time to dwell on them.

For those who have commented that my previous posts' have been super long winded, and draggy, u all just have to bare with it, cos that's just me. I am the sort who writes darn lots of shit cos i dun bother to do a post daily.

Loads of things has happened since my original last post, which was like when dinosaurs were still around. Anyways, i stress on original post because some of the recent post published are actually not the real James.

-Argh, just got interrupted by the monkey lover!

Anyways, both my Best Friend and close buddy are in army, and i am not too sure who to hang out with nowadays. Abel?? But they guy is going in next year, and it would only make me more depressed when he leaves. Is my close tennis buddy gonna be able to sort out his personal problems? Or am i gonna be left with no one even to hang out in sch? Malia, is sometimes quite different from her usual self which makes me feel uncomfortable at times. What about PY>>>? HMM....

Kannan has like gone through the worst possible kinda relationship with his girl, and i think that he does need a rebound girl temporarily before he can move on, but who is gonna see him and understand the man? I just hope that its gonna be someone sweet and one who won't break his heart ever again. Honestly, if u ask me, i think his previous girl deserves a hell of a shelling, and the guy she went for instead of my bro ought to be fucked inside out. BUT, i sat down and think, why should all these things matter to me? I am not gonna be involved because love is blind and it can be a painful experience for many. Friends come and go, but those who are close to you remain forever true and faithful! "BRO, I HOPE YOU GET OVER THIS WHEN YOU ARE IN BMT, COS WHEN YOU ARE OUT AND FINALLY GET YOUR POSTING, I HOPE THAT YOU HAVE PROBABLY GOTTEN OVER THIS MATTER AND MOVE ON WITH LIVE, AND HAVING LOVE AS A SECOND PRIORITY." TAKE CARE!

Samuel is caught in between his relationship with the girl he loves so much that he is willing to give up his relationship. Initially i told him to follow his heart, but a couple of weeks back, he asked me whether he should follow his mind or follow his heart still? Can your heart lead you towards a wrong path? Or is it your mind that is telling you that your heart is leading you towards a wrong path?? Lasting relationships need a mediator, and there is none who is better that God. Thus i conclude that i do not regret breaking up with my ex-girlfriend.

I have had a mixture of emotions and feelings over the past 3 weeks. I had met up twice with my ex-girlfriend over the past week, stayed up an entire night with no sleep editing OB project, rushed like a panicked chicken to help Han Lin and Hizzam for Kryston's surprise birthday celebration, skipped school cos the weather was too nice to stay in bed and ended up being called by my care person, but the happiest moment was when my team managed to win Champions the BIT Captain's ball competition. Yeah! I would say it was a team effort and everyone gave their best! =)

Meeting up with my ex, and watching a movie with her was interesting. I got to catch up on a few things! I am happy for her for being able to move on with her new found serious boyfriend Han Wei, who is also a christian! I was shocked to hear that sentence come out from her mouth. I think that its a good thing to know that people have matured over time and that they no longer see you as the same person as before. I think things between me and Natalie are different because she thinks that i am egoistic and not myself when i am around her. She thinks i am too cautious of her, or at least she thinks i have changed in my character and behavior. Well, i must admit, people do change, and i am not an exception. I think i have become a better person after knowing Jerlynn who has not only brought me lots of laughter, but also showed me the real meaning of caring and showing love towards someone.

-Banana, the roller coaster ride is going to be a long and bumpy one, but together, we would pull through!-

To sum things up about Natalie, i think i just have to start afresh to know her new self. I cannot take for granted of what i used to know about her because some of those facts are long gone with the wind!

I am so glad that many turned up for Kryston's bday party, but i was super tired and drained out when we were tonning at my neighbourhood park, and i think i was a lil tipsy. Hahas, good thing was that there were sober people around to knock some sense back into me when i was lying on the ground. I think getting to know Lin and Zam was a great experience. Even Meida was different from what i perceived their clique to be. Perception over took me and i am sorry for thinking wrongly about them. Good to know that they are friendly people to talk to and mix around with. Cheers to a successful BBQ! I hope Kryston was happy to know that her bf was there to surprise her too!

I am looking forward to the ZEE"S outing to Malaysia, and also looking forward to working with Rip on his various upcoming projects together with the Zee people. I think that lots of effort and commitment is needed for such a large scale of events. Hope that my schedule would permit such opportunities. I am also looking forward to tomorrow cos its our 8th month celebration with HER and i would like to spend some time together with her, cos its been a long time since we've met up. Baby if u are reading this, do surprise me with something!!! HAHAS!

Here comes the sad part of my current life. I am desperately struggling with my course BIT, esp with OTBS. Designing the freaking front end of the page is drastically bad enough, plus next semester brings out whole new modules, which only get tougher and tougher, and with MAF as my elective, i am not too sure what windows are left open for me. I am praying hard that God might show me a light at the end of my dark weary tunnel. I am also having difficulty saving up, partially because i'm in a relationship, and also because i think i am not getting sufficient money for my allowance. Well, can't ask for an increase too soon, so i'll just have to work to fund my own life. Better start early than late. Lastly, end of semester exams are coming and i am terribly worried. I would like to put aside all my other commitments and just sit down day in and night to mugg my ass off for these upcoming papers cos i need a good gpa record to excel further beyond polytechnic. I hope for better lecturers and tutors next semester too, cos my statistic's teacher is BAD! Not used to his teaching style and method and i can't really understand his lectures.

Alright, i think i shall better be heading to do my statistic tutorial now. Probably not sleeping the night again. Nights baby, and sorry for not being able to talk over the phone cos i was BLOGGING! (not dota-ing, nor watching movies) Cya on tuesday, and pls confirm with me your plans! <3

2008-07-21T23:00:00.000+08:00

SCREAMMMM

2008-06-04T00:31:00.003+08:00

i'm so glad you're nt online, which actually meant that there's a higher possibility that you are studyingg! (: but at the same time, i'm worried that while studying you get distracted by other matters.. arghh. hope you're doing fine, coping well with your revision baby!
*i'm praying for you still! dont give up on yourself just because you're tired or sick of it, cos the road ahead is gna get tougher than now. but know that you have God, that He will grant you His strength if you ask and i'm ever willing to stay with you my dear boy.
by the time you log on to post, your papers would most definitely be over by then! HAHAHAH! but MINE was over loooong ago! :)hee hee! okay. six months flew by just like that! hmm, there were definitely selfish moments from me, but reminiscing those moments made me feel so warm inside again. details shall nt be posted here, but kept locked somewhere else instead. HAHHAHA! *evil laughs.

this is for you.

2008-05-27T22:15:00.000+08:00

citycab sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks.

2008-05-23T02:13:00.003+08:00

Its been more than a month since my last blog post. To those readers, hope you can differentiate the original writer of this blog! HAHAS!

Anyways, lots of emotions and feelings have come and gone within me, and lots of situations have affected me, both positively or negatively. I have learnt that persevering is a very difficult thing to do, well, at least for me, probably cos i am a person with not much patience, but i hope that Jerlynn would be able to teach me to persevere together through our problems and trials. Baby and I have been rather alright, learning more and more of each other as each day goes by, yearning to hug each, and giving more and more into our relationship, hoping that it develops and grows, but no relationship is complete without GOD as the centre of it all. Thats the main focus i have told baby, and i hope that we'll both work to becoming better Christians and vessels of God.

Sam is now with Denise, and i am really glad and happy that my best friend has finally settled down to his girl, probably the girl he might end up marrying and spending the rest of his life to, if all things work out, he'll be on that route to marrying her. Every relationship would have problems and trials that might test a couple, but its is only through these testings where we learn to love and care for each other more, and its through these problems that bond a couple closer together.
After entering army about a month plus ago, Sam has changed in his attitude and character, I see his change through his speech and the way he is around with denise, and these changes maybe for the better. I am glad that my best friend has finally settled down with a girl that for once I would agree suits him, fits his character. But still troubles prevail for the both of them as Sam fears that his Pilot career might affect his relationship with denise, or the very fact of him goin overseas to pursue his univeristy degree in Business might affect his relationship too. We've spoke a couple of days back and i told him to follow his heart and do what he think is right, not what others would think likewise. Well, i wish that all works out well between him and denise.

" A calm sea does not mean sailors are good."

Kannan is somewhat together with Nicole and is very happy! Yesterday was his official last day being a TP student cos he graduated yesterday afternoon. 3 Cheers for the man, who is entering army soon too. Seems like all my friends are entering the army soon, the place where boys become man! I hope that the last few days my bro has as a civilian would be an enjoyable, days where he would remember and think of when he's bored inside camp, or whenever he's unable to sleep. Lots of things have gone through between Edison, Nicole, Nicole's mom and my bro, but i hope that love would shine through to nicole's mom, letting her know that Kannan really loves and treasures nicole, if i would say more than edison. I also would hope that nicole would be willing to accept kannan for who he is and that the both of them would work their differences out, and be together.

Enough of the relationship thingy! I LOST MY IDENTITY CARD! Can you believe it??? I somehow lost my pink card without even knowing it. I only realised it when the ZEE"S and i went to clarke quay to drink and i was stunt when i realised that it wasn't inside my wallet. BBBBUUUTTT, a couple of days ago, when i wanted to take my dad's IC to sign up for a credit card, i realised that my IC was sitting nicely inside his wallet! I was like WTF man! My father indirectly stole my IC from me, and he did not even bother to inform or alert me that he took it. Believe it or not, i actually went to make a police report with JJ and Baby at marine parade police post! Can't comprehend it man!

Next issue on my mind, would be the financial issues that i am facing. Believe it or not my allowance has been like insufficient for me to save and to continue my normal lifestyle, so i decided to change my spending by limiting it, instead of asking my parents for an increase because of their current given situation. I really want an increase but my morals are telling me not to ask for one. Struggling is one thing, surviving is another thing....i hope that i with the financial planning which i came up with, would enable me to save up cash for future uses!

School is in and its soon till the mid-semester tests arrive. In fact, next week is already the last week of school, and there will be a one week break for us to mug our asses off before we embark on our papers. I am praying and hoping that i would be able to do better this entire year 2. Hope my gpa would get pushed up, so that i would be able to prove to my parents that i am capable of my own independence! Frens in sch are still there, but most of us have been seperated into diff classes, and some people have changed....not gonna say names but one clear example would be one of my closes buddies in sch, my tennis bro! Sad to say but i felt hurt when he outrightly turned away, and its not only me who is experiencing this act in sch. I feel that people change, but one'e surroundings play a more important role, especially when it comes to cliques. Oh wells, hope he is able to see things from a broader prospective. SPICE! =(

Thats all my body, mind and soul can take, hope its more lasting the next time round!

2008-05-23T00:54:00.001+08:00

i'm sorry that i've haven't been feeling that warm towards you but those words i told you today, i really meant it.

I LOVE YOU.

2008-05-23T00:53:00.001+08:00

yo brother. your friend kannan is throwing a tantrum now because he is not mentioned in your blog so you oughta do something about it yo.

2008-05-22T01:45:00.003+08:00

oh my oh my. i'm nodding to sleep already, but i just want to mention this little comfort that has been in my mind all day! (: those pecks you left on my head and that hug, was all i needed to make my day!

hahaha! i'm just so easily satisfied, MOST OF THE TIME! :D

i haven't heard from you being so happy, having that uplift in your voice the first call i had in the morning, AND I'M SO HAPPY TOO! it's been a long time since i hear your chirpy voice! :DD

i love it. GOODNIGHT! *LOVES.

2008-05-21T03:13:00.000+08:00

hahaha i'm quite dumb to actually think that talking to random people in msn helps my mood to get better. rmbr i asked you that qns on the phone, if you had ever told your parents a 'sorry' when you know that you've done wrong and that you actually ask for their forgiveness?
i know i was wrong for using that tone of voice to talk to my mummy when all she did was ask me to go shower. as much as i am sorry, i cannot bring myself to say a word of sorry but yet all i am doing now is locking myself up in the room and typing this blog post. who says the girls dont have the ego? not me for sure.

a day just went by and this day sure went by in the blink of an eye. myabe that's because i was kept busy with my ssm lessons! hahhah. but do you know how much i'm suffering right now? yes it's only been a day. A DAY, but i feel worse. it's either that i'll die of anticipation or i'll die of longing. it isn't your fault and you din do anything wrong. but on my part, i was just waiting and checking my phone every two minutes to see if you've texted me of having the title of XX missed calls popping up on the screen on my phone. be it 7 missed calls or just 1, my heart would have felt at ease.

resting my eyes with the music playing in my ears, i gradually fell asleep. but the naggings shoved me back to reality, to that current time of 00:15am. unknowingly, i rushed to my bed, to check my phone for the billionth time, and there it was, YOUR CALL.

i wanted to scream into the phone that i missed you and i am still missing you but all that came out were squeaks of ums, yes and nos. i was practically shaking with tears rollling down, trying to muffle my voice that was thick with emotions, trying hard not to make you worried about me about the pact that we had-- temporarily soften down, quieten down whilst we spend more time with our family and other friends that are around us. but the truth is, i was already regretting my decision of a yes.

the reason(s) i agreed to it
- i didn't want you to start thinking about all the stuff all over again and planning, devising of another method how do we go about doing it. that at least now you will be able to FOC- Focus on Christ and your work you have piling on your table together with all your friendships and relationships with your boyfriends and girls.
- i think that idea that you came our with would really help that is, if i went along and co-operate.

and so, i'm gna cry out loud now in the shower.

2008-04-04T21:02:00.001+08:00

YAYYYYEE! i'm thankful to God that i came to know you, cherios! :DD *loves!

2008-04-01T04:12:00.001+08:00

tell me the definition of friends, cos i dont think i have them.

oh yeah. happy april fool's :DD
always up to some tricks.

2008-03-26T02:39:00.003+08:00

all over you' :DD

GRRS. thr's a first time in things. not all but most of them (: not knowing how to cope may be one thing, but learning how to is another! cheerios!

anyway, i now know that my mind is capable of thinking so many things, even reflecting in a bus! HHAHHAHA! okay. the thing is that, there are still so many POTENTIAL sheep that can go to Him! but. this excuse, tht excuse,WHY? pride laa and maybe a tinge of stubborness? TSK YR PRIDE MAN! TSK YR STUBBORNESS.

and then i realise i know so little about You and what You have to say to the world and me. i remembering telling You a little something that i feel so even now,when i was lying on my bed yesterday, before i slept.

the physical is so much more reliable and comforting. not saying that You cannot provide me with the sufficient comfort i need and i know i can DEFINITELY rely on You..BUT.. *there always is a but isn't it. how strange. haaas!
yes, but. the comfort You provide seems to be on another level, a level whereby not many can reach, or rather a level whereby worry still exists; just that it's been pushed to the back of the mind when that hope allows us to forget until something or someone pokes it and everything comes back again. but this time, it's kinda different. why? because we got over it already.

but although the physical is much more comforting as in the need for affliation kind of stuff, ISN'T IT AN IRONY that it is SOOOOOO easy to break off from that relationship, or friendship if you so may say.

AND You prompt and prompt and prompt and do it all over, *seems like You never get tired of prompting (: till we are Yours again.

soo.. WHAT NOW?

NAGGINGS ARE IRRITATING. yes i know that too okay. i dont want a dinosaur for a boyfriend. HAHAHAHAH.

2008-03-24T13:35:00.002+08:00

" A family, enough to write its own history. "

wow wow wow. do you think so?

2008-03-20T22:59:00.002+08:00

Class chalet was great! Really loved the moments we shared as a class during the previous two semesters, and i really dunno what would happen to all of us once we split up in to our individual and different classes next semester. Though my class ppl are not that all enthusiastic and happening as i expected from day one, i kinda grew into liking them for the way they were, they Chinese speaking, the vulgarities that were sprayed from one to another, the racism and the criticisms that we all shared among one another. A lot has passed over the two semesters, my first time actually stepping up to do some credible work in the various group projects, not saying that i am not a slacker nor saying that i do most of the work, i think i kinda contributed in most ways possible, other than my DBIS project which credit goes to primarily SX! Loads of emotions have been experienced and felt over the past year or so with 1E04, and i would treasure the Good moments and remember the not so Good ones for memory sakes, and to learn more of people as i start gearing up for society. Well, i love my peeps from 1E04 and i think that we should cont to meet up in sch or open a chalet in June for another 1E04 gathering.

The chalet was great, other than some cock ups, with the administration dept, some card membership shit which got my pissed. I honestly wanted to just scold the Malay bitch who attended to me. She was so persistent on having my mom come down all the way from work, just to show her Union member card and her IC, and to switch chalet names. FUCK THAT SHIT MAN!! Why must she cause a bunch of poly students so much trouble just to take some time away from our stressed up and hectic school schedule to have a gathering? i think as a senior staff, she can clearly just ignore the membership shit, and allow us in. Totally unnecessary. The next time i book a chalet, i am gonna go down myself to see the conditions of the place before booking. And i must be able to rent a mahjong table, or the chalet should at least have a table for us to but our stuffs on. Oh well's i think i have said my two cents worth of the yucky chalet's facilities!

Well, when we checked out today, baby got suddenly moody with me. I dunno what i did from the moment i woke up till the time we said goodbye and parted ways. I honestly would like to hear from her but i have been calling her mobile but there is not a single response. I am unsure whether she is asleep the entire day or she is simply ignoring me. I think its the first reason, at least i am hoping that it would be the first reasoning. Well, i think i should prob go rest now. Has been a really tiring day for me, and i've got church tmr morning. Looking forward to tmr's meeting with my so called committee for our planning progress on certain upcoming events!!!

TARH TARH!!! =)

2008-03-18T03:42:00.003+08:00

rahrahrah! i feel like ranting though it really isn't that essential and important. HAH!guess boredom is in th air man! like most people are either Bs- busy or bored. baby and i? the latter. friends brighten up our lives! :):):) YAYness!

got an invitation to zoom out of the house to get a free jumbo size cup of happiness, love, warmth and friendship! HAHAHHA. it's just an outing with friends la. amazing what words can do to you ;) however, it was declined. WHY? i went sprinting down the lanes opposing the traffic and got my heart all ppumped up, ready to PUKE. hahahaha! maybe not puke but i seriously had a splitting headache man! breathing in too much carbon monoxide already. GIVE ME MOUTH TO MOUTH! (ew. okay. no thanks. ahha)argh. tht headache scared me man. like i could hear my heartbeat echoing in my ears and the wire of the earpiece was bouncing up and down. what a comical sight and i'm laughing at myself. hahhaha. how nice ;)

ran stop walked jog ran stop walk jog

and that was how i exercise, not taking a walk ard my house though it will be great if i could like perspire when i did that. but agn that would be horrible man! it means i have to take showers every one hr tht passed! my skin will peeeeeel man.

had the honour to get TEE out of her hse to catch "skyoflove"!
story plot wasso predictable, just like a chinese composition. like SERIOUSLY man, it's the kind of composition secondary students would write. just like what TEE did loong ago...

thanks babe, for like sitting through the show when you're tired and you need to watch it with sam. (oops.) hahahs! sorry! yr shoulder is greatly appreciated and i like yr DRY shirt. hahahah. all the better for me to make it soaked with tears.

ONE DAY,
i will pull you along with me and we'll walk home tgt. cos i'm aint supposed to do that alone.

2008-03-16T21:41:00.005+08:00

hello angry people in the world! you ought to be thankful tht you can be angry okay. so take this time to appreciate you being able to feel emotions and be happy once again! :DD it's okay, just smile. problems wont be solved but you can at least see them in a better point of view.

HHAHAHAH! okay, it's kinda random but i love random posts! tells quite a bit about the person's feelings, i GUESS? anyway, this is my first post! so forgive the randomness okay? hahas, yesyes. i know we all love each other so bear with me here! cheerios! :)

huimin here. yes the huimin. yes that huimin. i was asked to blogggg. heehee. so here goes! my brain is rusty so i can only remember things up to like yest? haha. forgiveness pls?

thought about stuff yest, kinda figured that my life with God aint tht fantastic and i'm supposed to do smth abt it tho i've been procastinating like for so longggg already. *bites myself. sigh sigh sighs. (i'm nt a saddist! and i dont literally bite) back to the thinking, thought about stuffff and gt myself all moody abt it.
rahrahrah. so SILLY. slumped myself near the playground looking at a cute kid running after her dad who was exercising. hahaha! so cute. thn the mystery man came!

the one and only-- my DAAD. -.-

it's was a good thing he didn't see me and went back to the carpark to get smth i guess. but i din want to take the lift up and go home making everyone ard me miserable seeing my longg and banana-ish face! so i decided to go pop by jameszee hse! hahah! more of me who needed some hugs and love :/

the long and cold journey, the strained neck, the thirsty girl, the dark and freaky alleys, the dead silence along the way, the disappointment and lastly the tears.
can you picture tht? hahahah. poor me.

he wasn't anywhr ard his hse, some jalan place which sounded ALIEN to me. wasn't the right time to drop by cos thr were some issues gg on, and the mood he was having wasn't perfect either.

i know the informing part is to like doublecheck in case you're nt ard, but,
question -- AM I SUPPOSED TO STOP THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE IN FUTURE?

BLAHBLAHBLAH. so i gt my hugs and my love today, but was kinda disappointed nevertheless cos i carried the hope with me tht i could see tht familiar shadow.......

SUNDAY! the start of the FRESH NEW WEEK. WEEEE!
couldn't wait to share my toffee(s) with people! hahah. they are SO GOOD, you just fall in love with them despite having the risks of getting diabeties after eating them ever so often! for example, me. :(
imported from scotland- POPPETS (http://www.poppets.co.uk)

started the day off with a smile, you end it with a smile too!

baby got all sian-ed and emo along the way! making me sian-ed as well. oh wells, we share joy and sorrow rights! hahahah. a lil of ice-cream and a lil of me cheered him up at the end of the day with hi laughing his ass off at, i don't really know what, like he does all the time. HAHHAAH. he's silly but he's my boyfriend and i love him all the same! :DD

walking down the streets, i was reminded of youuu.
I MISS YOU SAM! haha. okay. tho we're nt really tht close but yr presence means smth WHATTTT. :/ enjoy yr trip at phuket! is tht howw you spell it? im nt betraying you james. just showing some affection on yr behalf to yr bestiee! :) if it's coming frm you? it's gay. hahah.

and so, this has been a pleasant trip till now for me despite life giving you more troubles, hohoho. but God is ever ready to receive us into His arms and i'm thankful for that! currently shaking my legs having a load off my head and my back from sch, but students in jcs, pls freak out now if you aren't scoring well and i'll be doing my part praying faithfully for all! :DD

2008-03-14T00:06:00.003+08:00

Its been a long 21 days since my previous post, and lots of things have happened over the past 3 weeks or so. A few things that i would certainly remember, would be watching 'leap years' with my best friend Sam and my baby, Huimin. It was a spectacular show that gripped my emotions and eventually sent tears flowing from my eyes, dripping down to my brand new shirt. A few portions of the movie actually happened to me in real life, which is one of the reasons why i could not be man enough to hold back those heavy tears. Baby cried alot too, and i think it was due to the sad portions of the show, and she probably felt how the actor Wong Li Ling played throughout the entire movie.

(special inserts!) nope! ahhahas! it's nt okay. it's all because of all the CORRINE MAY'S SONGS! grrs. but anyway, it's nice and touching. so you can catch it whilst it's still showing! (:

DARN, i think everyone's gotta catch 'leap years'!! The coolest thing abt it was that i caught the movie on the 29th of Feb, which is coincidentally the leap year...

Next thing that i rmb would be the stay over at JJ's house. I arrived rather late, cos i was held back by my FoodMin ppl, we were busy coming up with ideas and designs for the 5 shirts needed for Freshmen Orientation (FO). When i arrived at JJ's house, everyone that was suppose to come was there, and i think i was too enthusiastic to play mahjong that i somewhat forced them into goin up to start playing! I kinda forced them to stop playing 'Winning 11' on PS2, and pulled them to start playing! Well, i sure won't forget that day on the 6th of March, cos i won almost every single game of mahjong at JJ's house. I think if we were playing real money, i would have been rich! (inserts wild laughter HOHOHO!)HAHAS, but the scenario ended up with me not getting any cash, cos they all were short of cash, and i also felt bad taking cash from my closest frens in TP!! (AWWW) After mahjong was dinner, we ate some dishes prepared by JJ's maid, and we all soon went to sit in front of the TV. This was the time i started to feel agitated, cos i dun really fancy watching shows, esp Chinese drama, or Korean drama, or any other movies. But the rest were so interested that they all wanted to stay and watch. I initially thought that we would go back to mahjong after dinner, cos that was what they all said before goin for dinner, so the thought of mahjong was in my mind! Upon finding out that mahjong wasn't in the interest of the rest of my pals, i decided to go find something else to do. I wanted to go and sleep on JJ's bed, but it wouldn't be very nice cos his dad is there and everyone including the host in downstairs, so i thought i could do something with JJ's apple MAC, but soon realised that all his games were gone cos his MAC crashed. I had no other choice other than to force myself to watch some show with the rest or to pull everyone to play poker, texas holdem. I tried suiting the rest by forcing myself to watch whatever channel show they were watching, but my mood got even worse, so i decided to go take my deck of cards and play poker, or teach those who dunno how to play. I did exactly that, and soon after one round of poker, huimin walked away. Initially i thought she did not like the game play of poker, so i continued playing. When we were walking to the mrt, huimin told me that she thinks that i am a 'gambler'. The moment i heard that, i initially felt hurt and soon the anger started building inside me. She actually dared to say such a crude and dashing statement to me, i was totally taken aback! I continued walking a distance before her, just looking back once in a while, making sure that she was still walking, and that nothing would happen to her. When we reached the mrt station, we did not even say goodbye, let alone hug. So i just went by the underpass to the other side of the road to take a bus home. On the journey home, i was fuming mad at the statement she said, so i basically found it rather difficult to forgive her. I honestly meant playing poker for the benefit of the rest, cos the rest of them seemed somewhat sian too! I never expected my intentions to be wrongly interpreted. Well, we later talked that night and we shared our views and she said sorry, but i just could not bare to forgive her there and then, so i told her that i would forgive her but not at that very moment. That night i went over to Sam's place, cos i was feeling emo, so we stayed up to play poker and chat through the night. Really talked my emotions out till i got over the matter. I later msged her informing her that i had gotten over the matter and more importantly that i had forgiven her. I am thankful these events occured cos i think it makes our relationship stronger cos the bond just gets closer each time we patch issues up. yay!

The very next day, baby went shopping with her sister at VIVO and i was staying at home, waiting to go comfort Sam, who was supper depressed, till the extent that he cried to me over the phone while talking on the bus. That was when i realised that i had to do something for my best friend. So i decided to go for a run and instead of running back home, i shall make an entry into VJC to meet up with him and comfort him. Never did i expect myself to run so fast that when i reached VJC, he was still at parkway. So without anything except my mobile, he asked me to cab down to parkway. Once i reached there, faces of all his other frens, Chang Yi, Denise, Farrell, Ming Yi, were all devastating. I wondered to myself whether i was that worried for my O levels, or my PSLE, or for my upcoming end of semester results....Sam's mom managed to relate Sam's frens' results, and Ming Yi did not fare too well....thats all i can say abt them; A levels changes people in Singapore, and it sure does bring a whole load of stress along with it. Looking back now, i am just glad i did not appeal into SAJC. PHEW!!!! That evening, Sam looked for me at my place and cried again, cos he was worried that he was unable to stay in Singapore tgt with the rest of his frens and that he fears losing all these close bonding and friendship with his current buddies!!! We talked and we had dinner over at his place, got changed and went to Cafe Iguana for drinks with the rest. I was supposed to leave at 12midnight the latest, but ended up staying till 1 plus and by the time i got back, it was 2am plus, after packing my bag for my Frisbee finals, it hit 3am before i lied on my bed. The nxt morning was crazy, i was having a hang over from the previous night's drinks and i was not feeling too well. Managed to survive my first 2 games, but i was dead tired after the second one. I was sure that i would have fainted if not for all the isotonic drinks...

We lost our 3rd game, which left us at the quarter finals, so we did not manage to be winners, but on the whole, i enjoyed all the previous matches with my team buddies and i am thankful to them, though some can be tough on me at times, esp my bro, who shouts at me the most, making sure that i stay focus and alert on the game play. I am very very grateful to his help in somewhat coaching me from the sidelines....THANKS BRO! =) There was BREWERKZ beer after our match, and i stayed back for the finals, and it was sure a heart pounding final game btw two very competitive teams. In my opinion, everyone is a winner, its just how far a team is determined to win. Well, it was the team whom we lost to, cos of some smelly foul play which our captain refused to pursue, which ended us losing. Oh wells, what has passed is done and over with. I just had to say that i was so burnt from the sun that now i am suffering the withdrawal effects from having a first degree sunburn. DAMN I WAS HOT THAT NIGHT WHEN I SLEPT IN BED!!!! :DD

From the 10th to the 12th of march, my clique in school had a chalet at Coasta Sand Resort (Downtowneast). It was fun other than the fact that it rained for the first night, which affected our plans of night cycling, and there were times where some of us got into our own world of our own and some of us neglected several of our peers, and some were affected. Well, huimin had a bad mood swing, and cried cos the chalet did not turn out the way she expected it to be, but i told her, one person's actions cannot change the total outcome of the others' actions to one another. It must and should be corporative and not done individually.

(special inserts!) but i still think tht if you wna make a difference, it gta start from you! the situation din really change but i gt bettr. hah! embarrassing moments. :/

The BBQ was fun, though silly me forgot to bring the cheese, bacon, sausages, and the crabsticks, despite goin home for the satay sticks, which cost huimin $30/-, cos of some huge major accident involving an SBS bus, a car, and a huge lorry. A life was taken from that accident, and i just hope he or she was a child of GOD. Night cycling was superbly exciting and wild, we all had fun goin up and downhill, enjoying the breeze flying through our hair. I admit i did scare Amanda a lil by the way i cycled, and i sure freaked JJ out, who was my other rider in my double bike. Hahas, i was sure he was super terrified when we nearly fell off the bike when we were at Changi Village, i was actually goin downhill without any brakes, and the bike almost flipped to one side. So yeah, thankfully it held steady and we were all safe and sound by the time we reached back to our chalet, which was abt 4am in the morning. So yep, that is basically much everything of what happened over the past 3 weeks or so.....

I just met bestie, and found out that his maid nearly attempted suicide and is currently on her way back to The Philippines, and most probably not returning back to Singapore. Sam's parents are actually gonna pay him to do the household chores, cos they partly dun wanna employ anymore maids, and also bcos they wanna see whether he is capable to be independent if he goes overseas to study. In exchange for doin the household chores, he was granted his wish to go overseas for a short trip with his guy pals, to Phuket...which i think is totally reasonable. I think he would do well, esp in the kitchen!!!

Ohhh, and he just told me the truth btw him and the one he likes. The dirty lil secret has finally been shared among one another!!! (HEHHEHHEH) ALL THE BEST BRO! Until my nxt post, i think its goodbye for now!!!

2008-02-21T00:47:00.002+08:00

IS THERE REALLY A DESCRIPTION TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU ARE MOODY??

IS THERE AN EXPLANATION WHY SOMEONE IS FEELING EMO?

MUST THERE ALWAYS BE EXPLANATIONS TO EVERYTHING??

HOW DO WE GO ABOUT LIVING OUR NORMAL LIVES WITH SO MUCH PROBLEMS CAUGHT IN BETWEEN??

DO FEELINGS ALWAYS LAST FOREVER??

IS THERE ANY SOLUTION TO SOLVE MY FEELING OF BEING FUCKED UP INSIDE??

HOW DO I HANDLE THE STRESS LOAD FROM EXAMS?

HOW DO I PASS WELL FOR MY FINAL EXAMS??

CAN SOMEONE FUCKING PLEASE TELL ME WHY THIS WORLD IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR????

WHY IS THERE NO LOVE WHEN YOU EXPECT IT??

IS EVERYONE SO SELFISH TO THAT EXTENT??

IS SMOKING A STICK OF CIGARETTE GONNA MAKE YOU HAVE BAD BREADTH FOREVER??

CAN SOMEONE BE REALLY SO SO FREAKING COLD TO YOU THAT IT SIMPLY TURNS YOU MOODY??

PLS TELL ME THAT MY LIFE IS GONNA END SOON......

2008-02-14T00:21:00.004+08:00

Its been more than a month since my last post, and it was probably due to the laziness illness inside me, stuck to me like glue....well, so so so so many things have been happening over the last month or so. Quarreled with my best fren Sam, was a really big issue btw the both of us, but i am happy that everything has been all sorted out and we are back to being as bestest of pals. He however has been recently complaining frequently to me about his job at Massimo Dutti, and how the staff there sucks, and how he wished to quit like weeks ago, but he finally did just a couple of days back, and is now serving his two-week time before he officially leaves the company. Damn, i must say that the clothes at Massimo Dutti are really nice, and that i really think that they suit my dressing!!! HINTS!!!!! <3

Well, things btw Jerlynn and I are working out pretty fine, a few bumps along the way, but we always solve our problems before the sun sets!! Well, Sam told me on the bus just now that "huimin is a special girl, she is different from all the other normal girls that frequent his shop everyday." Well, it makes me treasure her even more. Oh!!!! i got a Massimo Dutti cap today, and i think its really really nice on me!! I am happy with my purchase! Yeahs!!! I still did not managed to get anything for the ZEE organisation people, cos i only found out that everyone was giving something, and that the responsibility was on me to get a small gift for everyone for Valentine's Day tmr. Hahas, well, i managed to get a small pendant for my baby, i just hope that she likes it, and that she would appreciate it! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY BABY!!! I LOVE YA! I stayed over at baby's house last night, studied a chapter of econs, and i was too tired to continue studying. Well, all i can say is that we have moved on to another level in our relationship. <3

School has been recently been more laid back and relaxed, probably because of the simple fact that all our projects have been all submitted, and all that is left would be the main exams left. Really stressing out right now, and i just realised today that i have SAS meeting tmr, which requires us to be in formal wear, which means i have to bring a change of clothes for my French role play, which i am super nervous over cos i am really afraid that might forget my words and panic and freak out, then my overall grade for French would be greatly affected. So i hope that i would be able to memorise and understand the script... =( I dunno how i am gonna study for my accounting, as i totally do not understand the lecture notes, let alone knowing how to work the numbers out with the various methods and formulas. Sians....i kinda hate studying at this point of time, but i am a freaking Singaporean, and all Singaporeans are 'KIA SU' ppl, so i cannot lose out to my fellow frens in this competitive society!!!! Fighting spirits are all i need, and more importantly, i need GOD! To be honest, i have not been really in close communion with God, have not been reading the bible and consistently praying. So i hope to start doing so by tmr morning!

Have been really tired these few days, dunno if its my body or is it simply the darn weather, making everyone in the sleepy and drowsy mood, aka the sian sian mood. Oh well, i gotta go sch early tmr to print work, gotta turn in early tonight. ZZZ!!!!

2008-01-04T00:46:00.001+08:00

2008-01-04T00:26:00.000+08:00

2008-01-03T23:58:00.000+08:00

The past few days has been a naggy one for me, and even when baby came over, my mom was like lecturing her for nearly an hour, i hated it and i was really agitated by the simple fact that my mom did not know when to stop lecturing. Yesterday, i was talking to my parents on some matters, and my mom suddenly brought up the topic on petting and stuff, it rang a bell to me but i did not know whether she was refering to me. I soon found out today that she was, as my dad told me that what me and huimin are doing is wrong and that i was just fullfilling my fleshly deires, and i pretended to act blur, hioping that he would tell me his source of information, and he soon spilled it out. My red "LOVE" book, saw me write a page of how we both experienced our first kiss, and how i slept on her bed till 5 the following afternoon after sleeping over, thats if i recall properly. Well i knew that there was this day where we were suppose to go out for breakfast with the rest of the Zee organisation and we ended staying in her home, and we did not leave house till 5pm. Baby, i dunno whether you remember that, i hope some recollection would come to you. Well, i did not exactly write every single discription in the book, but it was enough for my parents to know that i was up to no good, and i truly was, but that was in the past. I have committed this matter to God and have asked him for his forgiveness and we are both trying our best not to give into temptation, as satan is always there tempting everyone of us. It is certainly difficult for me, but i know that after telling huimin my situation, i knew she was more greatly affected as compared to me. I dun think my parents would do such a thing like slapping you across the face, as i did not clearly decribe every detail, and i certainly do not think that they would start counselling ya, cos i dun think my dad is that kind, but then again, i dun really know my parents that well.

Well, there are two ways as to how things are going to go down. I can say that what i wrote about a relationship with another girl, or i can admit that it was true, and we are both trying our very best, with God's help to stop succumbing to temptations, and that we have both realised that it was wrong after that first time. Well, we can discuss about it and we can come to an agreement as to what will happen from here on, and the consequences and set backs that would follow with either one of the decisions. I am hoping that all things turn out well, so that both of us can benefit. I hope that my parents can be more undderstanding and stuff, so i shall let things settle and stuff, praying and hoping for God's way to take control over this matter.

waiting for your call....

2008-01-03T22:41:00.000+08:00

Loved the gathering at J-zee's house on the 1st of January. Lots of things happened apart from the fun times which most of us experienced. Dear and I went there early, thinking that we could help out with the food, the marinating and preparations. But to our surprise, almost everything was prepared and all we had to do was to bring up the equipment to the balcony and get the fire going. Well, we played Mahjong once Amanda and Dongzee arrived. We played for a while before i started realising that baby was rather emo, she was just acting moody. Well, initially i thought that it was just nothing, but i later asked her what the matter, and she was irritated by the loud thumping music from the O2 Mania and she was agitated by the fact that she was hungry, and she was just very restless. I still thought that that was not the real reason, and continued my asking, and she later was like a dumb person. She did not wanna answer any of my questions, and she was really irritating me, cos i felt as if i was talking to a dead person, or the wall. Soon i realised that she was still affected by the fact that she was hungry and the noise was on her nerves. We talked in J-zee's room, and tears started rolling yet again, and that was then when i really knew that i should stop and let things rest. I felt rather wierd cos i did not know initially what was wrong with her and stuff, and when the others asked, i simply could not tell them an answer, so i felt awkward and left out. I felt like a stranger to her when i asked her when we were by the window. Well, she later went to emo at the balcony and it was drizzling still. Soon Kaixuan joined in and they started laughing, and that was when i knew things were starting to turn back to normal. I on the other hand was eager to start the fire going and start with the BBQ and stuff, so that my girl could eat something and feel better. Well, when u are in that kinda situation and lost with things, you really dunno what to do with your feeling of emptiness and anguish in front of all your friends. I think it would take one lots of courage and strength to hide away all those feelings and behave as if nothin has actually happened.

Well, once all the food started rolling out, I finally saw a smile on her face, and i was happy and glad that she was emotionally feeling better. But i was not really alright all throught the night. I was thankful for all the food she fed me while i was busy barbequeing the food, and she was really great, cos she really took good care of me, drinks and stuff all included!! All seemed happy and stuff until Ryan arrived. He came, said hi and just started with the eating. There was this instance where i saw Ryan and Huimin siting really close to each other talking and chatting, and laughing. I glanced at them unknowingly and it caught my attention. I looked at huimin and she glanced back, but she did not do anything much. I dunno whether she knew what i was feeling at that point of time, but i assume she did not. I was again stunned but soon the numbness setled in, cos i had to accept the fact that Ryan is her best friend in TP, so i had no other choice. I cannot be so protective over her, if not she would feel like a prisoner. Well, apart from those few incidents, i am rather happy everything turned out better towards the end. I certainly hope that she likes the cup i gave her in our gift exchange. <3

2007-12-28T10:24:00.001+08:00

2007-12-28T09:06:00.000+08:00

Another day which starts with me feeling ANGRY, but after this post, i should have most probably cooled down. WHY AM I ANGRY???

I went to J-Zee's house last night at around 8plus, to hang out, and eventually stay over to play Mahjong till the next morning with a couple of frens from the ZEE Organisation. I was there the earliest as HM had CYA and WD was in town doing his photography stuff, so they could not make it earlier. HM came over after her CYA which was about 11plus, and WD met the 3 of us at Simpang Bedok, where we went for supper. When HM came, the 3 of us started playing a couple of card games, and soon headed out to Simpang Bedok to meet WD and have our supper. Supper was great, though the service sucked and HM was rather pissed at the fact that i chose to sit at the smoking area, thinking that there would be less people smoking, based on past experience with Teck Wee, there weren't as many ppl smoking as this morning at about 1 plus. So basically, she was covering her nose as if it was going to sprint away anytime soon, or she was fanning herself with fresh air, to prevent herself from choking from the cigarette smoke. After supper, we walked backed and along the way back to JJ house, we saw a terror dog, it had a chocker chain on it, together with a metal muffler over his mouth. I think it was a Pit Bull, a really fierce one, cos it growled at us and stopped to look at us as we passed it. Thank goodness it was being walked by his master, if not we would have all been injured by IT!

When we went back to JJ's house, HM gave WD her Psycho video and immediately WD got down to editing the video, he was really helpful and kind in helping her edit her video which is due when sch starts, despite his fatigue and tiredness, he continued to do the editing. Initially i thought that everything would be over by 4am, and we could like proceed with our initial plan of playing mahjong, but the editing did not end till 7am. I some how or rather fell asleep and was soon awaken by the irritating sounds coming from the replays of the video editing, and when i woke up and found out that he still had a long way to go, i was starting to get mad, but i somehow knew i could not show it or let my anger out on anyone there, cos i knew that the editing was necessary, if not HM would be in trouble when sch starts as that would be the deadline, and she most probably would get a bad grade, which is something not anyone wants in poly, so i just kept quiet, until a point i could not take it anymore, plus the constant irritating noise, i just typed out a message, and saved it in my phone and asked HM to view it.

I said: " I am angry cos we did not even do anything except edit your video. "

Her reply was: " Yes i know your pissed. But weidong is too busy and i think its like e only time he can make it. And we can't really play without him. And aiya. I don't know."

From her reply, i felt as if she wanted to say something but could not and probably did not know what to say or do to make me feel better in anyway, so from that moment onwards, i was feeling both emo and angry. When all the editing was over, i wanted to stay till 10 plus with JJ and play Playstation 2, cos that was what we both talked about on the phone, but the rest wanted to leave, all had plans during the later part of the day, except for james, who is meeting his SAS grp in sch at 3.30pm-4pm for meeting. WD had an interview at The Candy Empire, and HM had to go meet Kaixuan for project and later go out with her together with Siqi or something like that. Initially i thought that HM was not intending to go out with Kaixuan cos i heard her wanting to tell KX that she was tired and probably wanted to go home and rest, and when i heard that, i felt very disappointed with her, cos she eagerly and enthusiastically agreed with kaixuan that she would go out with her to get Don's present and probably have a all girls outing. Well, whether or not she is still meeting up with KX and going out with her after project meeting, i am not really bothered cos of the simple fact, I AM STILL PISSED!

I saw her off at Tanah Merah Mrt and she seemed a little moody, so i told her not to worry about me as i did not expect her to do anything about the situation. She soon text me: " You are mad. I'm not in a very happy mood either."
I continued the conversation and soon found out that she was moody cos she did not really know what i wanted from her and all the stuff of WD helping her, etc etc etc....!!!! If she was an ordinary friend, i think i would have nagged continuously at the simple fact that all this can editing could have been done earlier, but i did not react that way, cos i knew it was going to make matters worse for everyone. Like i told her, i did not expect anything from her, but if she could like said a sorry, or i will make it up to you would at least make me feel less angry and disappointed at that present moment. But i heard nothing except her laugh and a few orhs'. On the journey back home, i knew she was feeling rather sad and depressed cos she probably felt that i had accused her of something she could not really do to make things better, maybe a little, but i honestly think and feel that she should just take me as being petty and forget matters, but this girl is different. She knows that there is always a hidden agenda and motive behind every question i ask. Well, i think that there is always a lesson to learn, and for me i learn most when i am emo, so i think there is a great lesson for me to learn.

LESSON LEARNT: NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING IN ANY GIVEN SCENARIO OR SITUATION, COS WHEN YOU RECEIVE SOMETHING UNEXPECTED, YOU FEEL A SENSE OF GLADNESS AND AFFECTION FROM THE PERSON.

BTW, one true reason why i asked you whether you could remember what you wanted to get for me from Junction 8 was partly to test your memory, but more rather to see whether you are a person who is responsive to hint and clues.

2007-12-24T10:10:00.000+08:00

Today has been a very tiring day for me. I slept rather late on Sunday morning cos i was talking about our relationship without God as our centre and the very basis for both of us work upon, and after doing some reflection last night, i did realised that the both of us have been neglecting God a lot, and we've gotta do something to get right with God, firstly by obeying his commandments and reading His word!

This morning, i was blowing my nose away as it was filled with all the filth and bacteria, and i barely could concentrate during worship. I waited over an hour for my sister vanessa, who was having some long meeting and i was there starving. Why i had to wait for her is because she completely lost all her voice and i had to help her order her food, i had to be her voice for today.

Christmas special was really nice, and it was really funny and corny with all the jokes and stuff, although i must say the choice of song is great too. I was just wondering whether Huimin was the one who initiated on the song from Corrine May, cos if she did, then i feel honoured to have introduced that song to her.

Frissbee game at Sengkang was really fun, but tiring, my team was not taking full advantage of the many turnovers and to add on to that, the pitch was muddy and at certain areas on the pitch, it was like a marsh, as the mud level was up till my ankles, making it super difficult to do short burst! I did come close to scoring at least 3 points, but i just missed cos i either was too slow or i mis-read the disc. Well, at the end of the day, i only managed to catch 1 point, which i felt very very tired after it, cos out team was really playing like crap that point of time. So i was really relieved when i scored that point cos i knew i could rest for at least 3 point or so. I was also very happy and relieved when i saw my DEAR turn up to watch me play, she even bought my H2O and water for me to hydrate myself, and she even got food from old chang kee, but i was too tired to eat and i knew i would have puked if i ate anything cos i was gonna be running like mad. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING DOWN, IT WAS REALLY ENCOURAGING FOR ME!! =D

I did a few dives during the match and i was really pissed that i could not make the catch, but my team was very encouraging and cheered me on, but i knew i was really letting my team down, but that did not discourage me. After a 5 point rest, i was all ready to play and get more statistics on the score sheet, as everyone else was doing so, but i was unable to play much as they team captain wanted to play a good line up to ensure a stable lead ahead of the opponent. So a few of us were put on the side to give way for the better ones and i totally respect that decision as the team managed to get a 5 point lead. GREAT JOB HUCK THE HERALD!! Hope i would be able to play better the next league game, which would be next year!!!

2007-12-21T12:23:00.001+08:00

On the last day of OTC, the GL's and the sub comm ppl went to the Macs near the CPF building at Tampines, and we all hanged out, and had our dinner. It was really cool, a whole bunch of TP ppl sitting in circles, cheering, playing games and having lost of fun. While eating at Macs, my ex called me and Wei Dong played a prank on her by picking up the call and acted like a voice receiver, and then hanged up immediately. After my meal, i called her back and found out that she wanted me to go her place to collect my belated birthday present, and she even offered to pay for my cad down. So i reluctantly left the whole group and took a cab to her place after sending Huimin off. We talked at her void deck and she soon needed to use the toilet, i initially wanted to leave at that point of time, but i felt rather bad, cos i just arrived for like only 30 mins. So i went up to her house, and sat at her study area, but it was really weird to converse with one another as her father was in the living room watching television, so we moved into her room. We basically talked about each other's life and how things have been going, and i found out that she was still single, which was a shock to me as i thought that she had already moved on in life and relationships. Never did i know that she was being more cautious of guys as she did not wanna be left by the next guy she gets together with. Well, i told her the sole reason why i broke up with her is that she was not a christian and that it was against my own religion to get together with a non believer. So once that was out, i continued to tell her other things like her character and stuff. Questions about how we felt after the break up, how we saw and viewed things after that situation, whether we had thoughts of moving on in our relationship lives. I was feeling emo after we talked, and i decided to go home. I called huimin while i was in the cab, but there was no response, i figured that she must be really tired, so she is probably asleep.

The following day, i woke up feeling naturally emo, and i did not do anything much throughout the whole day. I chose to meet up with the rest of the few ZEE family who were out in town, hoping that my emo feeling would disappear after meeting them, but it did not. When i met huimin, she did not even comfort me or ask me anything. I was waiting for her to ask something related to what happened to me last night, but i heard nothing. Instead, all i saw was her having fun with Siqi, Kaixuan and Amanda. I was really shocked but after awhile, the sense of numbness settled in and i was just trying to keep myself together, not wanting nor expecting much. When we were at Hereen eating Wanton noodles, i was staring at her, making glances at her which some what showed that i was pissed and unhappy over things, whether or not she got the same feeling, i dun know, but i was really feeling terrible inside. Thank goodness the noodles was great, if not it wouldn't had made me feel better. I was considering of going home after the meal, but instead i chose to stay, as i approached huimin and asked her whether or not if i was right that she is not talking to me cos she did not know what to say to me to make me feel a little better or at least put a smile to my face, and i was right. So i decided to stay and accompany JJ to Cineleisure to get his shoes, hoping against all odds she would at least ask me; "You feeling better or not? wanna talk things or something?" But none of this was mentioned throughout the period while we were in cineleisure, so i decided to part ways after JJ left and i crossed over to wait for my bus. While waiting, she popped up gave me a hug, i was initially reluctant to hug her, but i knew it would had embarrassed her in public, so i half heartedly hugged her. I was sure she could feel and sense through the hug what i was feeling, or at least know a little bit of my emotions.

On the journey back, Natalie called me and asked me stuff, we talked till i reached home. She continued asking more questions on our relationship which i felt was rather redundant but i still chose to answer her cos i thought that if i wanted things to be clarified on my part, she also has the right to do likewise. So we talked till 11pm, and i was about to go to bed, i was playing midnight pool on my mobile when Huimin called. She wanted to talk things out, so i agreed. She was later on in tears, which i felt rather guilty for later cos of me and one situation, i caused my baby girl to cry one more. We later straightened things out and we both realised that there was a grave misunderstanding on the phrase " the past" and i clarified things through with her. More tears and soon after that we were back to our normal selves. By the end of our conversation, i was not mad nor angry with her anymore, but i just sincerly hoped that she can try to understand me better and i also hope that she can openly speak her mind out whenever things or situations arise.

2007-12-21T10:28:00.000+08:00

On Saturday, i went to town to get Huimin her present for the "ZEE" organisation's Christmas exchange thingy. I reached town at 8pm, and i basically did not know what to get her and where to get it from, cause i am not a person who likes shopping for things, let along presents for girls, and in this scenario, my baby girl. Well, i walked the whole of Cineleisure and Hereen, and soon managed to find something which caught my eyes, but i did not know whether she is gonna like it, but i still got it cos its the thought that counts. I kinda like the message behind it, which was why i bought it. I went home tired and was feeling rather restless, but i knew i could not rest early, cos i needed to pack for OTC camp which starts on the 16th, Sunday evening. I would not have the time to return from church on Sunday afternoon to pack my bags cos i had a frisbee competition from 2-5pm the following day, at Sengkang, so i stayed up all night to pack my bag, and i did not sleep till 4am plus. I woke up 3 hours later and went for morning worship. BOY OH BOY, i was so sleepy as if i had drank an entire bottle of cough syrup. I was struggling to stay awake during the open session in Sunday School, but thankfully i managed to stay awake to hear the wonderful and impacting message. After which, i got a ride from Toke man's parents to Sengkang, i did not know that he and his sister had taken part in the Winter League too. I was rather shocked, especially for him, but its great. The more familiar faces the better!!! I was feeling super nervous when i reached the pitch, seeing all the pros geared up and throwing discs' like so smoothly and so far, i was kinda feeling like a noob. I was really a "noob" cos i did not know what was offence and defence, horizontal and vertical game play, i did not know what they meant when they said "the force is on home/away", so i was basically lost and did not know what to do. My very first game, i totally did not man-mark my assigned player, and let him run lose, causing the opposing team to score. But i managed to grasp fast enough to come back from the 7th point onwards. I managed to play slightly better with many coaching and many instructions shouted by my captain and my brother. I am really honoured to have a bro who is experienced in ultimate and who is respected by many people in the frisbee society. THANKS BRO!!!

After my frisbee game, i rushed home together in my dad's car to wash up, change and pack and then rushed straight to TP, for OTC camp. I managed to make in time, and from then on, i was constantly making friends. At night, a few of us sneaked out to watch the Liverpool vs Man United soccer match, but i was greatly disappointed with my team for losing. Five of us shared a bottle of Heineken beer, seemed really like underaged teenagers drinking, but it was cause i did not wanna drink too much, and so did the rest, so we told the auntie just 1 bottle for the time-being but we later did not order anymore cos we were rather full. That night, i slept rather late, say about 4am plus. The whole group of us were up talking and chilling, playing pool, and i talked to Cherlie about her ex and the problems she was currently encountering. That night we slept outside TPSU, and it was freaking freezing cold, i woke up at 5am freezing and shivering. Farhan from Main comm, woke up freezing too, and he threw his sleeping bag over Zhi Hui, cherlie and me, cos he knew we were cold and also partly he was feeling cold too, thus he gave us his sleeping bag and went inside to the main comm's room to sleep. Very thoughtful and kind of him to do such an act.

Day 1 of OTC finally arrived, and i was first on the list as Food IC for dinner. It was an opportunity for me to explore new grounds, and i think i did rather alright, except for the fact that i need to be more quick in my decision makings, as Yuting, the FOOD/MIN sub comm incharge, pointed out to me. Apart from that, there was some disputed going on between me and Marilyn, a girl who thinks that she has more experience and is more knowledgeable as a yr 3 student. She was basically trying to run and handle things as i was the food i/c for dinner during day 1. I was super pissed and wanted to shout at her, but those actions would only make me look as if i cannot handle with the work load and pressure, and unable to handle situations properly and efficiently. Thankfully there are also people within food/min who have disputes against marilyn. Over all, i really enjoyed OTC, the mass dances and the embarassing cheers. Well, apart from the many new frens i had made, i am happy to bring home many essential lessons and skills from observing the main comm ppl.

OTC WAS GREAT!!!!

2007-12-21T09:20:00.000+08:00

On the 8th of December, i made a very special girl feel so sad and disappointed till she burst out buckets of tears, and eventually changed her mood. I started smoking once again. Out of feeling stress, i bought a pack while mugging for the mid-semester tests. I felt guilty keeping things from her, so i confessed to her, and told her the whole truth. That was when everything started changing, i knew that inside her she was feeling like so down that she did not have any mood to study for her mid-semester papers. I could sense the emotions she was having when i called her back at around 12plus, and i noticed a change in her tone of voice, so i knew that feeling different. We talked about the issue and we both came to an agreement that we would not talk to each other for 4 days, which was the number of sticks i had on that very day. We both followed on the various agreements, but we started talking to each other on tuesday onwards. She was sorry for being too harsh on me, as she felt that the "punishment" was too much for me, but i was feeling much more sorry for letting my baby girl down, i wanted to meet up with, just to be next to her would make me feel much better. I can say that this situation caused both of us to lose focus on our mid-semester tests preparations, especially for me cause i had 6 papers within a week. Well, i am glad that everything has been worked out, and all things have been resolved.

2007-12-05T17:44:00.000+08:00

School has been boring this whole week, and the mid-semester exams are drawing closer, and i have French test tmr. Stress Bodoh!!! Anyways, i found out yesterday that JJ is liking a girl.....TSK!!! Cannot believe he did not even tell me la, his mistress!! So disappointed la!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

I am super stress, totally dun understand shit on Accounting, SAS, DBIS, EBM, and the various tests are next week FREAK!!!!! I dunno whether i would give in to my weak spot when the exams draw near, i just hope not! Once exams are over, i've gotta rush all my assignments and projects!!! Just looking forward to our class BBQ after the exams are all over, if everything goes fine, and if we manage to book and get cash for the bbq, i would be super surprised, cos i dun see our class attending the bbq as a whole. Just hoping everyone goes for this last event before we all split up next semester into different classes. Well, i am gonna study for french now.

Au revoir!!! :))

2007-12-05T17:21:00.000+08:00

Major event!!!!! 29th November!!! Jerlynn's birthday, and also the very day that we both got together, as in attached. I seeked her hand and she agreed, well, although i was weary and bothered after our commitment, i strongly feel and think that with or without the status of being together, the continuous love and bonding with one another would never leave our relationship. You can say that me asking her to by my gf would be just for status, more than true love, because we've already passed that stage in our 3 month plus relationship. So, status was not really a issue, but i still went ahead to ask her because i wanted her to know that i cherished and had affections and feelings towards her, and that i was not fooling around, treating her as a replacement from my previous break up. I wanted her to know that i was serious and ready to commit if she ever wanted to move on in this relationship.

So dear, don't feel pressure, and dun feel that you have to give in more than me in this relationship. We both have our commitments and constraints, so i would rather take things slowly rather than rushing matters and causing it to turn sour so quickly. First and for most, God should always come first in our lives and in our relationship. It tough for you, its even tougher for me, but i am trying my best and giving my all. We all have to play our part and our roles in our lives, and God would move and shape us to living vessels. Hope that this clarifies all doubts of our status-co. problem.

2007-11-27T02:42:00.001+08:00

Captains ball today was fun, even though my team came in third. We tied out first game, but we lost 2-1 when we played extra time. We won out third and fourth placings game and we were very happy that we enjoyed ourselves. I am thankful to my whole team: CHERLIE, JESYLYNN, WEI DONG, RYAN, JERIMIAH, MALCOM, TECK WEE, and last but not least SOON XIANG. Tallies rocks!!!! WE'LL BE COMING BACK NEXT YEAR. [it is better you be a team that plays clean, has good sportsmanship and integrity, as compared to a team who wins but is hated by all the other teams because of their rough physical play, their dirty ways and their lack of sportsmanships.] I think our team did great, esp the girls who i felt worked really hard to score during the first halves of each game!!

I just wish for better referees in the near future for any of such events. SERIOUSLY!!!

2007-11-27T02:34:00.001+08:00

SOMETIMES IT IS BETTER TO BE IN THE WRONG EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT, AS IT MAKES THE OTHER PARTY FEEL BETTER THAN TO KNOW THAT HE/ SHE IS ALWAYS THE ONE TO BE BLAMED FOR ALL THE ERRORS.

A LEADER IS SOMEONE WHO DISTRIBUTES THE WORK LOAD ENTRUST UPON THE TEAM, NOT SOLELY TAKING EVERYTHING INTO YOUR OWN HANDS. NOT EVERYONE MAY BE UP TO YOUR STANDARD AND LEVEL OF EXPECTATIONS, SO DO NOT ALWAYS EXPECT TOP CLASS QUALITY.

WHEN A TEAM MEMBER IS DOWN, HELP ENCOURAGE HE/SHE, AND NOT STAND STILL THERE, WITHOUT ANY REACTIONS.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, DO NOT GOSSIP OF SOMEONE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE GOSSIPING.

2007-11-27T01:22:00.000+08:00

The many thoughts and problems flooding my mind has persuaded me to publish this post. Over the recent weekend, i had a great time with Jerlynn, we had a sumptuous feast at East Coast Food Centre, we had bbq wings, cockles, vegetables, satay, and sugarcane. We ate till out hearts content and we walked along the beach. I could say that i enjoyed it cos it was rather romantic as we sat on the stoned chair and watched the waves crash on the shores. The chair we chose was rather unique, as the waves managed to rise till the area which we were surrounded by, so every time a strong wave crashes in, our feet area would be filled with sea water, just like a moat around a palace. I can say that she enjoyed the moments spent together along the beach under the nearly full moon, where the stars twinkled brightly above us like diamonds.

I slept till 1230hrs on sat. I was supposed to go down to AMK church for the "learn how to preach" session conducted by Kenneth Wong, but it was too late, plus the car was not around to send me to church. I was really disappointed with myself as i really wanted to attend the session, and from it learn some tips on preaching or sharing in a large group. What a wasted opportunity!!! =((
Afer eating maggii noodles for lunch, i tried sitting down to do some work, but my brain was messed up, lots of thoughts other than sch work filled me. I had a phone call from a stranger asking me for my address, saying that one of my aunties had lost their way, and need directions to my house. The person told me that they were at East Coast Mansions, and i was really stunned cos not was i afraid that it could be some scam, and i also had no idea where East Coast Mansions was located, so how in the world was i going to direct them from a place i do not even know??? I really did not know what to do. I hanged up, called my Mom who said she was on her way home in the car, and she told me that my auntie was coming, for what reason i also did not know, neither did i bother to ask. My auntie finally arrived, with a car lift from some kind Singaporean, who knew where i lived. I asked my maid to attend to the guest but when my auntie entered, she started shouting, JAMES AH< JAMES AH, YOU CAN COME DOWN FOR A WHILE??? I was really shocked as i was in the midst of my movie, and i grudgingly went down to entertain her for a while, i was afraid that she might steal some of our things, as she is not really a sensible person. Thankfully my parents came back in-time to rescue me from my misery.

After my movie, i was really tired, but i knew i had to do some work, but i also had to head down to Jerlynn house for the weekly meal at her place, and so i packed my bag, got dressed and went out. I managed to read both MICRO and POM notes on the journey there. Had dinner really late, like at 8.30 and we ate till 9.30 plus, watched some television and i was soon heading home. Though, in betweens was filled with lots of tit-bits to satisfy Jerlynn's cravings....HAHAHAHAHAHSSSS!!!! =))

I felt so darn tired that i did not even wanna go home from her house, but i had church the next morning. Other than that fact, there was nothing holding me back. I slept on the journey back, feeling like a zombie, i alighted and changed bus to go home at Tanjong Katong. I was home at 12pm plus, and i was really dead tired. I forced myself to do my micro, even if it means not sleeping through the whole night. I knew for sure that i wouldn't be able to find time to complete all my tutorials plus my freaking projects from SAS, POM, EBM, and DBIS. I knew i die die had to complete my work before the week started. I stayed up till i completed my micro tutorial and then went to bed, knowing that i had to wake up that same morning at 7.45am to go to church. I was going to die for sure, cos i had SAS meeting in TP after church.

Sunday morning, the first time my brother joined the rest of us to go to AMK church. After selling his car last week, he has been reliant on my dad's fetching and ferrying to go in and out of the house. There was a different sensation which i felt in the car as we journeyed to church. Though we were late, it seemed as if there was a valid reason. In fact there are valid REASONS. Firstly, we only have 1 toilet available for 5 ppl to use. Secondly, it was the last sunday of the month, and there was some situation with my maid and my parents as they talked abt some financial issue, and i was rushing to pack my bag for SAS meeting later on at 2.30pm.
Despite my little hours of rest, i managed to survive through the morning service without sleeping. I left early from sunday school as my brother proposed to eat at tht NUS guild house, aka NUSS....since the maid was out, which meant no lunch, plus the fact that he had $500/- dining vouchers there, we agreed to go. It was really a family lunch, were my other siblings discussed issues about the house, what my dad's plans were, whether or not we were going to renovate or sell the house, and in the future how is the house going to be distributed. I could see the selfishness of my siblings cos i was keeping quiet all the while, since i had no say in any of their talk. WHY????? cos of the simple fact; i am not working!!! =?

After lunch, i rushed all the way to TP, i had to postpone the meeting till 3 and i only reached there at 4pm. We had to wait for a seat at the restaurant as my brother did not make a reservation, and we also had to wait 15 mins for our desert, plus we kinda lost our carpark lot where our car was parked. I felt really really bad and wanted to get something for my grp members, but i could not find anything. My grp was really slacking at Biz park, AH SOON was greatly engrossed with JEREMY'S I-TOUCH, and after that he switched over to his PSP. When we moved to level 5, where we supposedly thought that there was air-con, everybody became more slack. Soon Xiang was playing his PSP, jeremy was focused mainly on converting the videos into his i-touch, teck wee and i were doing out POM work and we were not even discussing about SAS. To be honest, i think among all of us, i feel that Jeremy is the most slacker and he needs to be appointed work then he MIGHT budge and move to do something, if not he would be playing maple, checking movie timings, chatting on MSN, or doing some other crap things which are not related to SAS. After our meeting, teck wee and i had planned on friday to go watch a movie at TM, we wanted to watch "The Kingdom" but Jeremy self-invited himself. Oh well, i had nothing to say but to agree to let him come. Not only did he eat alot, he still wanted TW to send him back home. I felt that that was really too much. He is not even close to TW and still he does this kinda things, but its understandable, after what i had experienced when my sas grp came my house, jeremy was the outstanding one who went for second round and wanted an extra drink, he was also the one who finished the bee-hoon and left nothing for my poor maid to eat. All i can say is that Jeremy is either really a Big eater, a glutton and a pig!!!!!

Movie was great, enjoyed myself and now i had to go home to try to do POM work. I went online and immediately started discussing with my POM grp members abt the organinsing section which is dued on tuesday. I was really irritated and pissed off, cos my parents were nagging at me, plus on top of that i was having a slight fever and my entire back was aching all over. As the night progressed on, my temperature started rising. I took Panadol but it did not seem to work. I was still feeling feverish and sick. Still i persevered and endured the pain, cos i wanted to help my POM grp in any possible way i could. But all i heard was Malia telling Saliha that this part was not professional, that part is wrong, teck wee's part was slightly wrong, blah blah blah, and she said that she was disappointed in me for now reading the question properly, when in actual fact i did, but i was just too tired and sick too think and argue with her. I just told her off, but she defended herself, saying that she did not like somewhat 'scold' me. Well, i was too annoyed and aggravated by my illness that i decided to go rest. I buzzed TW and told him that i was sick, and i needed and wanted to rest early, and i went to lie on my bed. The next thing i know, i was waking up on Monday morning at 9 plus, doing my POM work.

2007-11-21T01:04:00.000+08:00

I GUIDES camp last weekend started off rather boring and not as interesting as i thought it would turn out to be. My group was not enthu abt anything, cheers was so crappy, not one soul volunteered or cracked his or her mind to think of a cheer. Things only started picking up on friday night, when we sat under mushroom to eat Mcdonalds which we ordered after we had our bath at 2am plus. We were tired out but we decided not to sleep, and we just managed to last till 4am, talking and laughing. Ohohohoh!!!!before that, Jerlynn my baby girl cried cos JJ, WD and I were irritating the rest while walking from one block to another block in engine school, and we were all alone walking through the corridors of level five, a deserted block due to construction work. Poor minzee was tearing badly and i had to comfort her by hugging her...

Second day at the camp was worst, with all the SUPPOSED talks by diff organisations, but all the people were all MIA, and we ended up playing some lame ass games, and the group named "spoilers" were really screwing up the I-Guides programme, they basically took everything into their hands, cheering and booing whenever they wanted, and shouted like mad when playing the games. eg. "where's the peanut" I voiced my unhappiness to Iris and Janice, but they could not do much until the main comm took actions. HAHS!! They quited themselves down shortly after a talk by the main comm organisers. The t-shirt design was rather interesting for me, getting to see people's creativity and artistic side. Mark and Vivian can really draw man, esp mark, who is not even in design school. I wander where he got his talents from. =)
Mass dance followed that shortly after our lunch, and i can say that was the only time i was feeling the rah-rahness building inside me. I was so ecstatic and glad that i managed to experience that feeling. Even though i was not happy with Jerlynn dancing with ryan, i was able to bear with it cos i knew she wouldn't let him do anythin funny and also because of the simple fact that if i were partnering Jerlynn, i wouldn't think we would end up dancing. We would most prob be cuddling each other la. HAHAHAHAHAHAASSSS!!!!!!

Anyways, i am super tired and shack from a long day at school, and just played 2 games of Captain's ball, plus lots of frissbee throwing. Tiring for me, tiring for everyone. The worst part today was when i was deliberately pushed from the back by a fat furker who sent me straight to the ground, flat. I was so darn angry that i wanted to stand back up and punch him straight in his face, but i thought of the team getting disqualified. Thankfully i managed to sustain my anger, and chill!! Thankfully we did not lose, nor did we win. We drew 4-4, and it was a very tough and rough match, in fact, its the first time i had experienced so many pushes, bumps, knocks and fouls in just 12 mins. We went on to thrashing our second match 11-0 before we headed for the showers due to a lack of time. I injured my neck and got some small abrasions from that rough push. My left outer calve is hurting like mad now, and i am super worried about it.

I am super touched that jerlynn came to watch me play, and i was embarrassed when she saw me fall, even though it was not my fault. I felt touched that she came to support me even though she had so much work piling up on her mind. I really felt the stress load for her as she listed out the amt of work she has to complete and the deadlines are not far away. My poor girl is also having some difficulties breathing and i am worried it might develop to something worse. So i am praying that all would seem right and well tmr when she wakes up to do her work. Hope i am able to wake up to call her up by 6am. I dun wanna be holding her back from her work, cos we both made a promise to work harder that our previous semesters' and we must strive to give our very best. We also came up with a moss-code whenever we wanna leave or seperate ourselves from our frens or the zee-family. We would have to say anything that has to do with flying. Super cool, but its kinda lame for the both of us...hahahahahhsSS!!!! <3 I LOVE YA GIRL!!!!

2007-11-14T02:47:00.000+08:00

The past 2 weeks hasn't been goofy good for me. I have had lots of assignments and tutorials to complete that i feel as if i did not give sufficient time to Jerlynn, though we still met up on friday and saturday. Soccer last friday was rather slow and boring, firstly because the pitch was all muddy and soft, and secondly the players were all so slow, making it not as interesting as compared to playing with people of my same standard. Dinner was great on saturday, really love the food Jerlynn's mom had cooked and prepared. THANK YOU! =)

EBM presentation was a screw up for many in class, that Norshida just kept shooting super difficult questions and her deal of deducting 10 marks from each group who fails to ask at least 2 questions to the presenting group was too ridiculous. Teck wee and i strongly disagreed and felt that she was too strict on us. My group managed to link most of our points back to E-Business and i felt that our group was one of the few who had good presenters and we were yet able to answer most of the questions asked except for the one that Norshida asked. I was taken aback by the fact that our company is also selling our products under other beauty brands. In fact, i think our entire group was shocked upon the revealing of this point. At the end of our presentations, i stayed back and noticed Darren arguing with Norshida, and he was on the brink of tearing, cos his group did not do as well as they expected. I strongly felt that he should not have argues with her, as this would cause her to mark him down in the future. And if my ears were not wrong, his group is considering on firing the malay guy.

School yesterday was super long and tiring for me. After lecture, i went to Biz Park to go eat and do my microeconomics. I met Jerlynn there too, and we talked. She ended up sitting on my lap, in front of her friends and my friends saw it too. I completed my microeconomics tutorial with some assistance from Soon Xiang and Teck wee, and we went for BA lecture a little late, that we had to sit right in front where we had to strain our necks to look really high at the power-point slides. During micro tutorial, i realized that my tutorial worksheet was missing, and i was darn irritated by that fact. I felt as if someone had a motive to frame me and accuse me of not doing my work. You could say that my mood was somewhat affected by the loss of my tutorial work. After micro tutorial, went to slack outside the library with malia, saliha, and kenneth. I went to eat at Biz park again, the same dish i ate earlier, chicken chop, and met Jerlynn, and she could tell that my mood was different. She came over and talked to me and she cheered me up a little. I wanted to blog of so much things at that point of time while eating halfway. I was feeling rather agitated still, but soon the feeling went away!!!! =]]

I am now doing some editing to the SAS survey that my group came up with, and i think we are going to print it our later in school and distribute the survey forms for people to complete. We also need to compile the results from the survey and present it in an excel spreadsheet. In this SAS survey, i think the most slacker would be Jeremy, cos of the fact that he cannot come online everyday and any ordinary day when he's in Singapore, and my group members find it rather hard to allocate work to him, and also because he is a freaking gamer, the last meeting we had on Deepavali in school for SAS, he was 80% of the time he was online playing maple, looking for movie timings, everything else except that which was related to our SAS project. Teck wee and i really don't like this fact, and we are really irritated by it. I don't know whether teck wee is still angry with the fact that Leah was late the previous meeting too. Just wish that the same thing doesn't happen in the future meetings.

On monday, i managed to make jerlynn cheer up by just standing next to her, and making her sianned day not so sian any more. Yesterday was somewhat similar, i would thus infer that she cannot resist the fact that i am around her and she would or might not maintain herself when i am around her. Regarding about what her parents said about me, i would take it positively and i am looking forward on the 18th to meet her other distant family members as they have a combined celebration of Jerlynn's birthday together with her cousin's birthday, I THINK!!! HAHAHAHHASS!!!

Gonna do sas tutorial now....ciaos! =)

2007-11-09T01:23:00.000+08:00

Wednesday seemed alright only until the part where Jacqueline started messaging me, and telling me how much she missed me and how she was doing without her Edwin in her life....i was so darn irritated that i just wanted to call her and shout "FUCK YOU BITCH" until she started crying....but i didn't! WHY, i also don't know. She kept on asking me what i wanted between the both of us, as if we were something in the past. We were just normal friends and i think she treats me as a substitute. She came to me when Edwin and her could not talk to one another due to O levels, and parents restrictions, she also came to me whenever she quarreled with him and she came to me whenever she "missed" hearing my voice. WTF man!!!! I have never met anyone in my life who is that selfish and that self-centered. She has no feelings whatsoever towards how i felt, how i am now, whether i have another girl in my life, whether i am coping with my studies or even my previous knee injury has been. Instead she starts a conversation with me by saying that she misses me and wants to be mine....seriously FUCK THAT MAN!!!! I don't even know her, and she wants me to be hers, when she is still attached to EDWIN, who by the way is not 1% good looking at all, neither is she, okays, maybe 3%??? Perhaps, varying on different preferences. After messaging her like what seemed the entire afternoon, i went to meet Huimin, who immediately cheered me up when i saw her bubbly face!!! =DD Met her to together with her classmates at BIZ PARK, where they were using my LAPPIE to do some research and work. I den decided to go home to take "Discovering Computers and Excel" books for Huimin. I forgot to bring them to school earlier. My crumpler bag was killing me already, and i wanted to like carry another seperate bag to split the load. Went home, bathed and changed, took the required books, and some extra stuff, and went back to school. At the interchange, i then remembered that i forgot to bring my glasses! DANG!!! NVM, went to school, met them at the basketball courts, and somehow i started playing basketball. It was rather boring for me, not because i did not like basketball, but because there was not much to play among ourselves. I wanted to play a proper 5v5 match if i were to sweat it out in my white skinnies, and puma shoes. But there was no one to compete with, so we just played among ourselves. After playing for like 3-4 hrs, my back and legs started aching, probably because i have not exercised much recently.

After basketball, went opposite school to eat, drink, and laugh ourselves out. We had some beer, and we had our meals happily, well, everyone except Don and Si Qi. I think that Don was not really fair in asking the whole group other than me, and Huimin to go to TM to meet him. I clearly remembered Amanda telling all of us that he was goin home via car, and that he was not joining us. When we boarded 23, he called Amanda and asked where we were and that he wanted to meet up with us. Huimin and I left earlier cos we had our own plans, and partly also because we thought that we need not travel all the way to TM when its not even out faults. We took 27 to Sengkang, and we crashed home rather late. The bus ride on 27 was super uncomfortable, people pushing and shoving their bags and bodies against me, causing me much discomfort, and even some guys bag hit my shoulder so hard that it hurt for a while. Back at HOME 2, i was not feeling any good, my back was stiffen and i could barely walk from our stop back home, cos i was carrying a 10kg backpack and a 15kg sling bag. Huimin was carrying my laptop, and i dare say that i wasn't feeling too good on the walk to her place, but i didn't wanna show it, fearing that she might take some load from me and injure herself my over-straining herself. So i just bared with it till we reached the door step. I was so relieved that everything didn't matter what happened after that.

What happened at her place is kept between the both of us, but all i can say that i had a great time sleeping over at her place on wednesday night, and i also discovered some new things about her. HAHAHASS!!!! I shall not disclose any thing more than what i wanna say. I think that she is a wonderful girl, filled with emotions, feelings, love, concern, very receptive, and open to all new things. I think that she is unique and special to me. I would never never ever wanna lose such a girl like her, even if she does not accept me in the future, i would still keep in contact with her. I PROMISE! =))

Thursday, Deepavali, was nothing facinating. Went back to school for SAS project. I took 27 back to school, and the bus was so bloody crowded, had to stand. Though my bag was lighter, the pain in my back did not seem to go away after a long night's sleep. My back was just crying out to me each time the bus jerked on the brakes...i had to hold on so tightly as if i was like some old person. I somewhat regretted playing bball on wednesday. BUT, i played it cos of friends, maybe i gave too much there. Anyways, i was not too late for our meeting. But Jeremy and Leah was late, and i mean really late. Jeremy was 50 mins late, his excuse- he came from Malaysia, still acceptable. Leah was 2hrs late. We started playing Dota initially, but we got bored and we started work first. I was rather pissed initially, but i choose not to get mad, if not it would have affected both my mood and my participation in contributing to the grp later. I knew Teck Wee was super pissed with Leah, he did not even say a word, to her, nor did he look at her. At one point, Leah started to rub her eyes, and i think she was tearing...I THINK! After which, she said that she would do all the remaining work, hoping that it would help the situation, but we didn't buy it. I responded to her by saying that we are a slackers' group, and that she need not be so stressed up. We continued with whatever we could, till i found out that dinner at Huimin's place was supposed to be at 6.30. All the long i thought that it was at 8.00pm. I started getting worried and that i would not make in time, so i asked T.W to send me home. His car is rather small and cute, and he drives rather smoothly. HAHAS!!! Don't tell him that!

Went home, changed bathed and went to Huimin's house again in a cab. Thankfully the driver sped there, even though i was late, the main goal of going there fast was not to make Huimin wait too long, cos she was already hungry and i did not want her to get all moody. The meal was a great one, reminded me of chinese new year...HAHAHS!!! Crabs, steamed fish, clams, asparagus, fish more soup....one of my favourites. YUMMY!!! Had 2 glasses of red wine, and i turned red like instantly la. Went to lie on her bed, and the next thing i knew was Huimin asking me to leave her house, if not i could not go home. So i got up, and left asap, hoping not to miss the last bus. I just managed to catch the last bus home. PHEW!!!

Just realised that i got like BA work to do, and i am still blogging. Alrighty man, gonna do some work even though my eyes are like shutting close now. I wanna play dota aft that too...HAHAHASSS!!!! Or maybe watch prison break....=)

2007-11-05T03:16:00.000+08:00

Today's post is with a very special person. She has the hard copy of what i have written, so no one else can know what i have written....too tired to type out. YUPS!!! Going to sleep and wake up in a few hours time!!! NIGHTYS!!!

2007-11-01T01:21:00.000+08:00

The run of 6km in 35min in the last 3 months is a personal best for me thus far!!! I enjoyed it and managed to clear all my thoughts on my mind, and straighten myself. I basically get the message loud and clear from our conversation over the phone just now. She teared cos she did not wanna lose me when she read that paragraph on my previous post, well, all i gotta say is that she is thinking too far off. There is no chance that Nat and i might get back together again through a patch. Its not something i can see in the long run and i don't want it to happen.

She sent me an email while i was out running. I am glad to be part of the ZEE family. HAHAHS!!! JAMESZEE!!!! well, i loved the last paragraph of the mail, i could tell that she really mean everything in the mail, especially the last paragraph which meant alot to me, after having a not so pleasant day. It lifted my heart!!! THANKS DEAR!!! In my opinion, i think and feel that our relationship is moving forward, not too fast for me to catch up though. I hope it isn't too fast for her, cos i would want her to experience and capture every moment of it, esp the GOOD AND CHEERFUL HAPPY TIMES!!!

I am sorry for what i gave to Nat, and i seriously hope that you would forgive me, i did not mean to hurt ya in any way, and yet i did not wanna hide it from ya, thats why i blogged it. I honestly hope that through this small issue, we can strengthen our relationship bind, and bond with one another. Gonna sleep naw!!!! NIGHTS DEAR!!! LOVE YA!!!! =))

2007-10-31T21:04:00.000+08:00

Today was filled with more DOWNS than UPS. I got up, gave Malia a wake up call, and then went back to sleeping, cos it was raining and it was so cold and cozy to sleep in! Without my knowledge, the time passed by so quickly that the next time i saw my clock on my phone, it was already 0830hrs. I immediately jumped out of my bed and rushed to the toilet, took a bath and got dressed, skipped my breakfast, and got my dad to speed me to school. On the journey to school, Malia told me that she was not going for lecture cos she was having a bad headache, and thus chose to sleep in. My dad managed to make it to school on the dot, just in time for EBM lecture. Lecture was so boring and dead that i wanted to just walk out, but i didn't cos i had no where to go and no one else would leave with me. :(( After lecture, went to eat at design school, ate chicken chop...!! My table had Ben, TW, Darren and myself. I started by asking Ben where he and his girlfriend went to eat dinner yesterday, and i soon started probing more abt him, his finances and his lifestyle. Also inquired more abt Jovina and he told us abt her physic. Interesting!!! The topic that stuck to my mind like glue was the topic on saving....we were all discussing how we could save cash every week....for whatever reasons, i was and still am finding it hard to save up money....one reason why i am saving is that i need to pay people back cash. I don't wanna be owing people cash before the year comes to an end. So i've decided to save up and pay back my debts. Everything seemed fine till we went for SAS tutorial ....that was when i started feeling gloomy, or maybe since EBM lecture, i dunnno. My frens could tell that i was rather emo, and moody. I tried my best not to show it, cos i knew that they didn't like it. So i just told Soon Xiang that i was tired, nothing else. Anyways, after lunch, i called Jerlynn too see whether she had left house, but to my surprise she was on her way to school alr. HAHAHAHASS!!! I was surprised, until she told me that she had some group meeting....Back to SAS tutorial, i was moody cos i knew i could not meet up with her. I tried forgetting it and went ahead to play with the rubix cube, got more frustrated so i started looking into Leah's bag!!! Got really amused with the contents in her bag. HAHAHSS!!!

Went home after SAS lecture, and did not message her since then. I went home, ate and watched Heroes and then went to sleep. Woke up at around 1800hrs and went out to meet Nat to pass her her birthday presents. Met her at her house, passed her the stuff and went to parkway to change some left over currencies...and headed home!! On the way home, i was thinking on how i could save the $50/- my dad gave my this week, and yet buy bus concession for the next month. I tried calculating whether i could spend less than $45 bucks on transport in a month, but i dun think that's gonna be possible. My target of saving $300/- cannot be broken!!! :(

While bathing just now, the sting for my cross came lose and i cannot seem to tie it back...so i can't wear it anymore. I hope to get it fixed asap, during my free time. I hope to start running regularly to get back my fitness and leg strength....

>I got a message from Jerlynn, asking me whether i was still a sad and emo boy....i told her that i was not anymore, but deep inside me i was still emo, probably of the fact that i went to meet my ex-girlfriend and that hug we had brought back lots of memories. It was not a long hug, but i could feel and tell from that few seconds that she still has a place for me in her heart. I dunno how to say it, but i know that things would not work out between us, cos firstly she isn't a christian, secondly because of her lifestyle. I would not wanna drift away from my walk with GOD, not after so much effort done by Jerlynn and also by myself. Well, i think that i owe Jerlynn an APOLOGY.

Well, i gotta go for a run now to take things off my mind and clear some thoughts. Had thoughts of buying a pack again just now while on the way home...but refrained yet again because of the promise i took with HER and MYSeLf!!! Gotta stay healthy!!

2007-10-29T22:39:00.000+08:00

On Saturday I went to church with an extra bag, my crumpler bag. In it was a feathered pillow for Jerlynn, i wanted to surprise her with it ever since her dad threw away her soft soft pillow when her mom got her a new one. She did not like it cos it wasn't soft enough and it gave her neckaches and back pains after sleeping on it. So, i carried the soft feathered pillow in my crumpler bag, all the way in the mrt from Kembangan to Tiong Bahru, took a bus to church and went on with church. I was leading in singspiration and it was quite a disaster. Peixian, the pianist played most songs too fast, which made my session rather short. I shared a bit about my first week in school and what i read from my quiet time. Once that was over, i went to dinner with the rest, danna, lydia, josh, joleen, kenneth, and elana. I ate so much that i was full to the brim. I headed to sengkang next, to go drop off her pillow and some other stuffs of hers. I called her dad to inform him i was going. I got there, hid the pillow, wrote message, had somemore food there, cos her mom cooked both our share and i did not want her to waste so much food, its God's food. So i ate what i could and soon i was heading home, before Jerlynn got back. Just befor i left, i tidied her room, made her bed, packed her table and neatly arranged her notes and her cups. I arranged her ear-rings on her bed, following the rays of the sun image on her sheets. =D

I left her house quickly, not wasting anytime. At the bus stop, i remembered that i forgot to close her laptop. I wanted to know how to fold an origami crane, but it was too late. I called back and asked her dad to close it for me. On the way home, i messaged her to ask her where she was, and i was assured that she could not had seen me leaving sengkang. PHEW!!! Later on at night, she called me and she was in a very happy and cheerful mood. I think this was the first time i surprised her and she was really elated. She thanked me and we chatted.....

Sunday was a long day. I went to collect my earrings and bracelet which i had custom done, they are for my ex, whose birthday is coming really really soon. like in 25 hours. YUPS!!! I really hope she likes them la, and i hope she'll wear them. I have yet to write her a letter. I'm still thinking whether to get her a cake....went for gospel and we studied together at basement, (if doing 5 mcq questions studying.) I went home and i initially talked to my dad about my financial needs. I calculated that i need more than 10 bucks for school, and that i also need more food on food, considering the fact that i eat so much. =D Well, it ended up in both my dad and i raising our voices and arguing. I gave up and went to do my own stuff.

Today, i woke up at 8am, snoozed all the way till 11am. And i was late for lecture, which began at 11am. Shoots!!! I was so tired and move really slow today. I think its due to too many thoughts running about in my brain. On my way to school, my dad gave me 50 bucks, i asked him what this was for and he said" this is your allowance for the week." I was like "oh okays" but in my heart i was like YEAH MAN!!!! I am really grateful that i've finally got a raise in my allowance after 5 years of secondary school. YIPEE!!!

As usual, school was boring as hell and i wanted to skip tutorial la. Our group ended up staying back to do the corrections to our work. So irritating la, we really dun understand what we gotta do. Totally la!!! We are like blind ppl leading other blind ppl. Well, i know that i am totally lost in EBM ans SAS. I'm just following the crowd. HAHAHAHAHAHSS!!! Met up with Jerlynn at SL and got my earrings from her, exchanged the paw paw thingy...LOLSS!!!! Can't believe she told Wan Zhen about our own Paw paw...HAHAH! I really wonder what WZ thought when she heard those words man.! =DD

I nearly missed my interview today with Ben and the management team. I was just too engrossed with going home and proving to my dad that i am a responsible, good and filial son who respects his elders. I went for my briefing and was rather interested in the job offer. Since both my parents ain't working anymore, i dun wanna trouble them, so i wanna earn some cash to ease of the burden from my parents. I know this calls for me to manage my free-time really well. I got know how to handle these important issues: studies, relationships, work, money. Met lisa la, can't believe she saw me talking to the managers la. I went to meet her after that and we talked while walking to my bus stop. I told her stuffs on why i was there and what i was doing. Rushed home, and met Sam at Starbucks, i did my Microeconomics mcq there. I DID NOT buy a drink. Its like the first time i went there and did not get myself a drink la. How miraculous. Went home after that and was super duper hungry while walking back home. I needed food badly. Went home and there was no freaking food, i was super mad, irritated and pissed off. I shouting at everyone! I just wanted food. I was tired and sleepy and needed energy. So i was so irritated that i choosed to blog.

I got like microecons and POM work to do. I hope my editing to the POM is alright, and to MALIA, my dear girl, i really mean it from my heart that you are elegant looking in those pictures on your blog. I was not bad mouthing behind your back. I just did not wanna flatter you or make you feel flattered in front of everyone, esp since Soon Xiang was there. YUPS!!! SMILE GIRL!!!! :DD :))

Gonna chiong work now.!! BYES!!!!

2007-10-27T02:54:00.000+08:00

Its Saturday morning already!!! So quickly one week of school has past!!! I've got work flowing in and i gotta have some time on my own to start work, if not i would be giving too much!! :]

Chatted with Donovan and he told me his problems about his girl. I kinda suspect that he has a thing for Wan Zhen, but i shall not jump into any form of conclusions. After sch today, i went to find Jerlynn, and gang, but they all left the lecture hall!! (so much for crashing lecture!) I later met them along Business school, went to Biz Park and waited for like an hour. Went to Student Lounge to 'lepak' and got my ass kicked in pool by some pro player, who probably had no life in secondary school except for playing pool. Watched the last episode of Heroes, and then waited for those HTM students as they went for Commskills tutorial. JJ, Dong, Don, Wan, Amanda, Jerlynn, KX, and i then went to take 27 home. Along the way, i could see that Don was being emo, and feeling rather upset over some matters. I think it was when someone called him aft their commskill tutorial and asked where we were. Then he told wei dong and i that our girls were waiting for us, and that we should go find them. Then he just walked away and played with the white pool ball. I didn't know what to say, cos i didn't want him to know that i suspect him liking Wan Zhen, so i just kept my peace. He later offered to carry my books, saying that he wanted to do some weights, i insisted that i carry them myself, but he said "please" so i let him. I knew that he was sad and depressed over something, over someone, & over something important to his feelings. His facial expressions told me that, and since i am a rather good facial and tone interpreter, my hypothesis did not fail me! He said something like " I am gonna bully you during dinner, and that her face was a mask, and was playing ard with WAN ZHEN!" This occurred while walking on the over-head bridge. I noticed it but did not say anything. Later on at the bus stop, WZ's wallet was missing, i didn't know who took it, but i guessed that it was Don, but i acted blur. Later on, WZ became rather affected and was really quiet. I told Amanda and Jerlynn abt this....

Ooohhh, i think that WZ is currently really confused and she doesn't really know what to do, or how to tell each party in a manner not to hurt them emotionally and mentally. I think she is not really that mature to handle these situations, but with God i think she would find the strength and courage to do what's right in God's sight. I just can pray for her. +D

I can't believe i was so darn tired that i did not wake up to go home by bus, despite the hourly shakes by Jerlynn. I think her bed is just too comfortable to sleep!!! :))
She fell asleep on me too, can't believe it man...! It's like we were made together or something. Sleep also must sleep together!!! HAHAHAHASS!!
Took a cab home, cost me $20 bucks man! Darn cab driver missed the tampines ave 10 exit and had to go one whole round by Elias road. OUCH was what i felt as i saw the meter running....oh well, i guess thats the price you pay for sleeping on a comfortable bed with someone you love!!! HAHAHAHSS! [i'm super random, maybe its the pangs of hunger lingering inside me, and my stomach juices are like coming out of my throat soon if i don't eat something.]

JJ saw jerlynn lean her head on me.....so what????!!??? The world is still spinning what!!! :D :D :D I was already controlling myself and KEEPING MY HANDS TO MYSELF AND NOT PLACING THEM AROUND YOU!

Gotta go now, my mommy is up and alive! She has started nagging alr!!! Nights! Dun call me a pessimistic person! I WANNA BE PESTIMISTIC! LAMO! =))

2007-10-26T00:15:00.000+08:00

I have been thinking too much today, and i am really tired, but i must blog cos of my previous post. I am grateful and thankful that Jerlynn accompanied me to go town yesterday to give her opinion on what i thought was nice as a gift for my ex! A MILLION THANKS!!!
I finally went to Haylee to get the earrings designed and handmade! That leaves me with 2 unsolved problems.

Today was a long and tiring day for me, had french tutorial and lecture all in a day, plus we had SAS tutorial in the morning and we alr are given a project to start with! ARGH!!!! The war has begun!! =X
Was a little affected by what i heard, saw and felt when i met up with wan zhen, huimin, amanda, wei dong, kai xuan and ryan. I guess good things don't always come in three's! I was and am still affected, but i'll get over it sooner and later. Not months later, but i'll need some months to evaluate my hypothesis, and see whether i was right or not!

I am not really in the mood to talk abt it, but i shan't let the mood thingy take over me. I gotta move around obstacles and continue this relationship that i have. Until the next post.....

2007-10-25T00:43:00.000+08:00

Too tired to blog after a long day spent walking Far East Plaza. So i'll blog probably later or tomorrow! Gonna bed now man! Sch tmr starts at 11am! CIAOS!!!

2007-10-23T22:33:00.000+08:00

School was fast for me today, was in at 1pm and out at 3pm.....headed to try to look and get stuff, but i was disappointed and furiously mad when i could not find that particular item which i wanted, more rather, nothing appealed my eyes today. Speaking of which, i just wanted to get the solution to return Serene, but the sales lady managed to persuade me to get the lenses too, and since i was down to my last pair, i thought why not. The lenses were on offer and she said that if i got 2 boxes, she would let me try out the new Biomedics lenses, with 60% more oxygen and more moisture. So i got my lenses and headed to Hereen after walking for 3 hours at Far East Plaza!!!

Called Hui Min along the way and asked where she was. I found out that she was still with her friends at her friend's house and they sounded really rowdy at the background. I wanted to ask her something on a gift which i was intending to get, but i did not have the full opportunity cos she was with her friends and i thought that it was rather inconvenient. Well, i managed to get her viewpoint and opinion on my situation. After walking taka, hereen, and far east, i still was not able to find any clothing, accessories, or bags which caught my eyes. I am feeling rather stressed and irritated, cos i just found out that Nat is gonna get me a RL polo tee, though i requested for a Fred Perry one, i doubt that she'll get it! =DD

I just got off the phone with Ben, and i have pushed the appointment with him till friday, its some selling of some lifestlye products, supposedly rather high pay, depending on you commission and how many units you sell. Hope my skill in talking to consumers is still within me man....gonna need it!!!

Sch tmr is gonna be boring i guess, and i have not printed out the notes for lecture later. Darn!!! Well, i hope my sis can lend me some cash so i'll be able to get the various peoples' present. I hope that she'll be willing to do so! Yups!
Gonna knock out now man, NIGHTS!! +))

2007-10-23T09:31:00.000+08:00

First day of school was rather alright, could finally meet all my cool peeps from class, malia, saliha, ben, weisheng, jeremy, soon xiang, teck wee, kenneth, darren and taufiq!!!! Well, lets just say these are the few whom i can get along with, and are on the same frequencies as I. =DD Lectures were super boring, and we had tutorial on work after our first lecture for POM man, that sucks. OH well, can't complain, cos i told myself to work hard this semester and not slack!!!

Went out for dinner with 2nd sister! Ate a super filling and sumptuous meal at Thai Express!!! I treated her dinner!! See, what a filial brother i am to my sister! =X We are supposed to go for waffles and ice-cream later tonight at Gelare!! Hahas, super fattening and sinful man! I am goin fat soon man!!! Gotta start exercising to lose the freaking flab which is growing bigger and larger day by day!!!! :((

Goin town today to get something and walk ard for a while, hopefully i would find something i am looking for!!!! Ciaos!!!

2007-10-22T09:54:00.000+08:00

School is back and i'm rather interested but yet i still want my holidays. I just hope that i'll meet new cool people!!!~! I hope i can manage with French as my CDS, just praying hard that i dun fail it man! It hurts why my GPA wasn't at least a high 2.9. I am going to work my hardest, giving my very best and not slacking anymore like last semester.

To all my peeps. school is BACK!!!!!!

2007-10-21T01:48:00.000+08:00

"You cannot be emo cos you have me!" I like this phrase which my baby girl said. It brings about a nice feeling!! =D

I never blogged yesterday cos i had nothing to blog about. It was my birthday, thats why i had nothing to blog. I was engrossed the entire day that i was too tired to type. Sorry!! XD
School is starting this Monday! AHHHH!!! I dun want it to start, cos its gonna be so hectic, and i gotta go back and meet those queer friends in school! URGH! On the contrary, i miss those that i'm close to. I really hope that my friends in school can get to know me better and accept me the way i am! That's my request this semester!! I also hope that my new modules are relatively alright to handle. I also hope that both jerlynn and i can manage our new modules and esp for her, her CYA and her studies at the same time. My thoughts could be different from her so i hope that in the upcoming semester we both would cope better with our tutorials and projects!!! :))

I am goin to pay back all my debts before the year comes to an end, thats a promise and i hope that she would help me with this promise by refraining me from spending too much cash. THANKS DEAR~~!

Song practice later, hope you got the strength and voice to sing!
NIGHTS!

2007-10-19T01:18:00.000+08:00

My family and i eventually went to Jumbo Seafood Restaurant at East Coast Beach and we had a wonderful sumptuous meal. Well, i was satisfied and pleased with the food Oon Hui ordered...i loved the crabs!!! Yummy! +D

Came home and she was at my place in 10 mins with a cake and some gift for me. I was so pleased and touched when she was singing the birthday song for me together with my family members and Wei(hunk). I was rather embarrassed when i saw her that cheerful bubbly on my birthday. I was really toucheD!!! THANKS DEAR!
We went to walk at my nearby park at Greenfield and we soon asked Sam along....chatted with Sam and we soon headed back home. We got held back cos of the cute cat. It was worth the wait even though i was rather tired. Next thing, we were in a cab on our way to Sengkang. She passed me stuff and cash for cab home when i saw her to her house. I knew she had something for me when i was in the cab, but didn't know what it was. Honestly, i thought that she might have gotten me a different present. OHH WELL!!!! I am satisfied.

Thankz for the sweet and nice letter. I will continue my best to be a star for God in this galaxy. I will strive to be a vessel for him. You have indeed been a part of my life over the past 1 month plus, and thanks for all the nagging to read God's word. It was my resolution this year to get to know God better...and u were a part of it! TKS! :)) OUHHH, and i so so so love the small gift you got for me, okays, not really small, but its relatively huge in size. I might wear it, depending on how it feels on my skin. I would definitely wear it if it were a little smaller, but i still love it!!!! One question for you would be why did you choose a wooden one???? HAHAS!

>Thanks to all the many many ppl who wished me!!! At least you all remember my birthday. I really appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness. Thanks!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMESY BOI!!!!!! YIIPPEEEE!!!!!!2

2007-10-18T17:02:00.000+08:00

The past few days has been rather alright, went to meet girl girl yesterday, had lunch at compass point. She was not feeling too well, had some stomach cramps, and gastric, but the pain went away after our meal. She was later pissed cos she was still angry over her dad throwing her pillow away without her knowledge. So she brought up her thoughts on this issue to her mom in a rather raised pitch tone. She told me that her back had hurt from the not so soft pillow, and was agitated by it. I hope the pillow softens up quickly cos school is starting soon and i want her to sleep well at night. I actually have in mind to get her a new softer pillow...but shall not say when. Jacqueline has been messaging me lots and lots these past few days, and it seems that she is trying to get really close to me. I find and totally awkward and weird cos i am not close to her at all and she calls me her 'dear'. I dun wanna point it out directly to her cos she is those kinda sensitive persons, who would break down into tears for like no rhyme or reason. So i dun intend to say anything to Jacqueline till the time is right.

Today was another day where i was late for work. I dunno why, but my body just cannot seem to wake up even if i have two phone alarms. Its just so embarassing to meet Rip and know that he was mad and annoyed at my lateness. :( Work at Nan Chiau High was rather interesting, although team "crazy-cups" lost for once to the students team. To be honest, Wan Zhen would have been a better replacement for Cheryl. OhHh well!!!! Thank goodness i did not fumble man! :D

Well, today is my birthday....have been home since Rip's lift home. I am just waiting for my parents to bring me out to have a meal or something, but at this moment i dun see that as a possibility. WHY??? I smell my maid's cooking!!! NO PRESENTS SO FAR YET. HAHAHS!!!! WAS RATHER SUPRISED WHEN NATALIE CALLED TO WISH ME! THOUGHT SHE WOULD HAVE FORGOTTEN! MUST BE HER PHONE ALARM LA!!! :x

Gonna sleep now till something big wakes me up!

2007-10-16T21:10:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's trip back Changi Airport was a filled with emotions and some tears. We shared to each other what we did not like about each other. I told her that i would hope that she would open up to me and tell me when she was feeling sad and depressed, and also like inform me briefly where she is so as to not make me worry too much. She said to me that she gets scared when i am frustrated, irritated, and angry cos she does not know what to do when i am in that state. Well, i basically could not tell her how to react and feel when i am in any of those three situations cos it would be me controlling her and not her usual self. Well, it takes time and there are alot more things you gotta know about my emotions and feelings. Some things can't be simply told outrightly.

Went to starbucks today, met up with Sam and a few of the St. Patrick gang, watched HEROES and read my book till i knocked out on the couch. I was simply too tired....got tempted to smoke as all my peeps there smoke, but i resisted. Thank God. Thoughts on continuing my ambition on writing about my past, but i chose to watch HEROES cos i was too deep in thought. My mind was just thinking about too many things, worrying about her at work and stuff. And, the emo mood never came to me the entire day until the moment i stepped off of 43, and saw that she was not there at the bus-stop. I called her but she sent me the busy tone. So i started walking, and along the way called her again. Got a reply and met her up the street. I so so wanted to hug her at that moment, but she turned away and said not to hug her cos she was sweaty and dirty and stinky. I felt hurt at that point of time but just continued walking. I felt empty, cos i had been thinking and worried for her after she told me the conditions she was working in.

Well, she got worked up cos her dad threw her old pillow way, and replaced it with a new and not to soft pillow. Well, i could tell that she was really angry and pissed with her dad. If i were her, i would have reacted and the same way. I totally know how she feels. Its alright girl, the pillow will be soft in a while, just gotta go ur place more often! HAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!

She is now asleep, and i wanna like leave without her knowing. Yups, i thinks its rather evil but i dun wan her to wake up, cos if she does, she would go online, read my blog and sleep late tonight again. I want her to rest well for tmr. Nights!!!

2007-10-15T09:23:00.001+08:00

Everything has been sorted out and all my anxiety has been answered, after not speaking to her for at least 3-4 days, we finally broke the ice on Sunday evening when i called her mobile. We clarified things out and i felt much better after that phone call. I kinda dragged her to dinner cos my sis suggested that she join my parents for dinner, squeeze in the car with 4ppl behind and drive all the way to Marine Parade to eat our dinner. She felt nervous initially, but i felt that she open up during meal time. Thankfully my mom did not take it as in interrogation session to question her and ask her all the weird questions. THANK GOODNESS!!!! Sent her home after that, and we clarified more things to her, confessed to her that i did smoke. :( I could tell that she was rather disappointed and sad when she heard those words, but she said that she felt that once a smoker, its rather hard to stop completely, and she asked me to promise her that i'll not smoke again under such circumstances. I told her yes, but its gonna be like climbing Mount Everest in 1 day..... :( [but i'll try my bery best]

She told me that she was very [ren xing], which means will-full. I dunnno what she was trying to say to me, but i took it as an apology. Why??? I shall not say! I am on to accomplish my ambition, before the 18th of October. I hope i can fulfill what i am going to do. Hope i can remember as much details as possible. :D Off to changi airport to find a quiet place!

2007-10-12T12:48:00.000+08:00

Today, i am not going to make any initiatives, and i want to see the outcomes of the situation between the both of us. I could not really sleep well last night, and i had a rather horrendous dream about the both of us. Rather exciting but yet it was freaky! I shan't say a thing more!!

>till later!

2007-10-12T00:36:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was a long gloomy day. Got home from helping my uncle distribute some letters around his neighbouring block. As usual, its some letter to screw some person up!! HAHAS!!
Got home and called Jerlynn, asked her whether she wanted lunch, and soon found out that she did not want me over at her place yesterday... That was my first rejection of the day. We talked for a while, but after a while, i felt as if i was talking to someone whom i had barely known for a week, so we hung....i went online, hoping that she would be online, but did not see her appear online. I knew that she was reading my messages on her laptop as i could tell that she was appearing offline, WHY??? i also have no clue. [my guess? she did not wanna talk to me]. She later told me that she was going out to get stuff, but did not say where or with whom until i probed a little more. "she wanted to go out alone, for whatever reason i also dunno why. Initially i thought it was because she wanted to get my birthday present, but later on i realised that it wasn't, when she asked me whether she could pass me my present after my birthday." (From the way i felt over the phone just now, i knew she was PURPOSELY distancing herself from me. It's both good and bad in a way, but somehow i know that such tough things have to be done, hopefully for the benefit for the both of us in the future. I SERIOUSLY HOPE SO!!)

After that call, chatted with her online for a while till she said that she was FINALLY leaving her house to go some mysterious place she did not want me to know. I later text-ed her mobile, to see whether she was home. (She wasn't). Told her how i felt the entire day and my feelings at that very moment. Her reply msg: " okay! Then i shall not reply! :) don't contact me. My parents zz already."
I earlier asked her where she was, and knew she was still out, where i don't know and still dunno. I felt that i was being kept in the loop, and felt worried. She called it being too possessive. I totally agree, that is why I myself dunno what caused me to be so fucking moody the entire fucking day that i shouted at my mom and dad at 7plus. Second rejection of yesterday.

FFFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!

I tried watching movies the entire day, tired playing dota, tried walking, but it all did not work. At uncle Chear Wah's brother-in-law's wake, i was asked, what was holding me back from getting baptized??? I OUTRIGHTLY SAID, THAT ITS NOT THE SIC CLASS THAT WE ALL GOTTA ATTEND, ITS NOT THE BOOK THAT WE GOTTA COMPLETE, BUT ITS THE CHANGE THAT I HAVE TO EXPERIENCE, THAT CHANGE WHICH MY PARENTS CAN SEE SO CLEARLY, THAT CHANGE WHICH COMES FROM WITHIN WHICH WOULD SHOCK MY PEERS, THAT CHANGE WHICH GOD THE ALMIGHTY CAN ONLY PERFORM. UNLESS THERE IS THAT CHANGE, I DON'T SEE MYSELF DEEMED FIT TO BE BAPTIZED AND PARTAKE THE HOLY COMMUNION.

"I CANNOT TELL WHY HE WHOM ANGELS WORSHIP,
SHOULD SET HIS LOVE UPON THE SONS OF MEN,
OR WHY AS SHEPHERD, HE SHOULD SEEK THE WANDERERS,
TO BRING THEM BACK-THEY KNOW NOT HOW OR WHEN.
BUT THIS I KNOW-THAT HE WAS BORN OF MARY,
AND BETHLEHEM'S MANGER WAS HIS ONLY HOME,
AND THAT HE LIVED AT NAZARETH AND LABORED,
AND SO THE SAVIOUR, SAVIOUR OF THE WORLD IS COME.

I CANNOT TELL HOW ALL THE LANDS SHALL WORSHIP,
WHEN AT HIS BIDDING EVERY STORM IS STILLED,
OR WHO CAN SAY HOW GREAT THE JUBILATION
WHEN ALL THE HEARTS OF MEN WITH LOVE ARE FILLED.
BUT THIS I KNOW-THE SKIES WILL THRILL WITH RAPTURE,
AND MYRIAD, MYRIAD HUMAN VOICES SING,
AND EARTH TO HEAVEN, AND HEAVEN TO EARTH, WILL ANSWER:
AT LAST THE SAVIOUR, SAVIOUR OF THE WORLD IS KING!"

2007-10-10T13:46:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a fun day at PHSS. Rip and the group of us went there to teach cup stacking. It was super hot and stuffy cos the school did not turn on the air-con for the guys session. There were the usual rowdy guys, irritating the others while the explanation was given out. Next were the girls, better in attitude and behavior, because probably they are gals, but yet there were those who did not care too whoots abt what was going on, and just chose to sleep on their desks. Well, unfortunately for them, they just lost the opportunity of learning something extra, and educational.

After the session was over, i went to Jerlynn's place and we went for lunch at Banquet. The food was great, but it was a little expensive. I was a little agitated and disappointed with the fact that my "Yong Tou Hu" cost more than $6.00. I mean i did not know that a quail's egg even cost $0.50, and that noodles nowadays are more exp. It was there and then, that i again realized the importance of my parents money, and that i had to spend money wisely. After lunch, we watched some movies together, and as usual, i fell asleep on her bed without my own knowledge. Woke up to a kiss, and the rest is history....

Well, with regards to what she said that following morning over the phone, i get your point. I just hope we can maintain, and i promise you, not more than 1 pack a day if we were to go our seperate ways. I felt and am still feeling confused as to why you brought that topic up. I hope your not thinking what i had thought over the night. I just really hope not. It was a sensitive issue to me....but i am done over with it alr.

Today, i spent the entire day at home, ate dinner at home for the first time in more than a month. Can imagine the amt of cash i have been spending over the last few weeks....my pockets are empty now!!! :(
Ate authentic home cooked food, and it sure feels different from outside food. No msg for sure, and better tastes and flavours! Yummy!!!

My laptop was literally on the entire day, downloaded CS v1.6, but it did not have bots to play against me, so i deleted it. Called Rip, hoping that he might need me tmr but got turned down. In the end, my uncle called my and asked me to help him give out fliers tmr morning, and he is like paying me $20. I hope that is not too low, but i am his nephew, so wadever man! Hope its fast and chopp chopp. Chatted with Jerlynn, and soon found out that she was irritated with the fact that she had no food to eat. "A hungry man is an angy man, but a hungry girl is indeed an agitated girl."
Buzzed her to talk to her, but she said that she did not wanna talk, so i hanged. I felt annoyed after hanging and felt that she was rather short tempered. I walked down, ate a slice of cheese and told myself that she was just really hungry and i should not let my imaginations run wild (which they always do).

Now, i am really starving and hungry. I wan food to eat, prata, mee/bee hoon goreng, pattaya rice....yummy!!!!
>Off to go scavage for food!!!!

2007-10-04T03:07:00.000+08:00

We just had a small dispute just now. Well, i was irritating her on msn and calling her by OI, and i overdid it. She got really irritated and some how told me off in a very rude way, at least that was how i felt. So i apologized, trying to make her smile back, trying to get her to forgive me. My last statement to her was " i am sorry dear". I was waiting for her response, hoping that she would feel better abt it, probably bring a smile to her face.

>but to my surprise, she told me "i am not your dear." I felt like a nobody after that, and inside of me, i felt like screaming F**K so loud till i wake my siblings. Maybe i was too sensitive, but somehow i knew that statement was a sincere and a real one. So i straight away purposely said bye and went offline. While watching secret, i felt crappy, and chose not complete it. Played spider solitaire and pondered on things. Went back online and wrote this : James says:
i know you were pissed at me calling you the way i did just now. well, i apologised jus now and i felt that you should have forgiven me. I know i went a little over board and i apologise again! Hope you dun takt it too seriously, but i went offline to cool myself down. I was a little too frustrated with your response. thats all. I am cool now and i wan to talk to you. I really wanna speak to you!
James says:
will you pls call me whenever you are free?

She did not reply me, cos she thought i was offline. So i appeared online and soon enuff, aft a long time she replies telling me that she went to shower. Okays, and i was waiting for a more responsive answer. NVM, she just said that everything is alright, and that she wanted to read the Bible and wanted to write her dairy. So i agreed. Now, we are chatting over msn.....spare me man!

2007-10-04T00:58:00.000+08:00

The day started out nice and sweet! Went to her house in a cab, opened her house door and went straight to wake her up. I think i shocked her out of her sleep!! :D After a while she got up and went to wash up, came back to her room......etc, got dressed and we left for Bugis. We were obviously late to have lunch with WZ and frens, cos WZ was working in her dad's company. So she could not Jalan with us! We ate duck rice instead of Macs as we both felt that it was unhealthy, or rather it was me who felt so!

Came back, met up with the rest and we soon parted ways as the others didn't want to really walk around and shop. So we parted ways at Bossini. The both of us went to walk ard, looking at all the push-carts and their products. Aft which, we went to bugis street/ village to walk. We walked the entire place-upstairs and downstairs. We walked since 1pm till 6pm. DARN legs were killing me, and my back still hurts now even aft so many hours. She bought two skinnies, one grey and black, two tees, "mr tickle and mr bump!" Both of which i thought were really nice in color. Me on the other hand wanted to get a shoe, but resisted the temptation. I wanted the red onisuka tiger, mexico 66 design. But i refrained myself. Initially i did not wan to spend a cent on clothes, as i told myself that i had to stop the shopping addiction. I am like getting an item every week. Either a shoe, or bermudas, or tees!! DARN!!! I AM BROKE NOW!!!!!!!!! Anyways, i got myself a stipped bermudas, and a mr tickle tee too. Its more of to match hers!!! HAHAS!!!! I jus did not wan to tell her!!!! :DD

We left and went to meet the rest of the grp, who were waiting for us at BK. We both later realised that they were following us for an hour while on the second floor of Bugis. They probably noticed us holding hands, and hugging one another! Hopefully they did not see us kiss! Went to the prata shop at serangoon, Amanda's house to eat. Ate mee/bee hoon goreng, 1 cheese & onion, 1 egg & cheese, 1 mushroom & cheese, and 3 kosong. Drank teh tareh and green tea! SUPER STUFFED AFT THAT BOY!!!!!!! :))

Went to the park near Amanda's house and we slacked there for a while. Soon, WZ, who was looking very sick since we met her aft her work puked at the park. I think she had some wind in her, and to make things worse, she ate prata.....
The both of us left at 10 plus and went to sengkang, watched CSI miami at her house till 11pm, and i went home. On the bus, i checked my phone and realised that sam msged me. I immediately called him back to see whether he wanted to talk on the phone, but he said he was busy studying....he sounded pissed and disappointed in me, but i could not say anything but the truth.

While walking home, got a call from my dad. He told me to get the F**K home immediately. I told him that i was walking home, and i told him that i went to sam's house, cos i wanted to see whether sam wanted to talk things out, but he called and wanted me home. Since that day's talk with my parents, i have been having cold and hot wars with them every single day. I dunno wad is their prob, esp my mum, who thinks HM and i are together. My dad on the other hand is just pissed off with me. I jus want to get a job, so that i can earn my own cash, pay her back and save!!! No more alr! My parents objected to my idea of the chalet, and now that darius pulled out, i am left with nothing on my birthday. I think i wanna spend it with HM!!! <3 Hope she gets me something nice for my birthday! I like that bag, but i can make do without it! Well, hope she knows my taste and liking for things well enuff by the time she gets my present!!!!

Regarding tmr, i dunno wad to do. I can go her house and we can fix the puzzle together, and slack and relax together at her house, or we can stay in our own homes, kill ourselves with boredom and misery. I know that if i were to stay home, i would just hear more nagging from my mum. YEP!!! You decide lar!!!! HAHAS!!! If you want me to go your place, then i will go, cos i know you cannot maintain!! HAHAHAHAHAS!!! :DD

Call me anytime you want, cos i think i watch the show another time. I am downstairs now la, then running on batt, by the time i watch the movie, no more batt alr!

2007-10-03T00:52:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the first time we never really did anything to one another. We really were trying our best to refrain from being too close to one another, fearing that we might not be able to control ourselves. Well, we managed to pull through the day, more of the entire afternoon. Had dinner with her parents, said grace for the food and ate a sumptuous meal...loved the fellowship with them much more than the food. Honestly, all the dishes were too salty, but we should not complain cos God has Blessed us with the food before us. So i kept my mouth shut. Prawns were nice!!! Haven't eaten those in a long time!!! YUMMY!!!! :DD Went to get some groceries from PRIME, and aft that went home.
<>{ I felt that the time spent with Huimin's parents are much more quality time spent with my own parents. HONESTLY! Her parents are so lovable, caring and affectionate to one another, let alone to me. I think she is really blessed with such loving and caring parents. When i was telling them abt my parents vocation, i was rather sad, as i saw the great vast difference in her family and mine. Hers was small, and simple, getting through life happily, whereas mine was so much more different. I was the smallest, and the age gap between my siblings is just so big. At least 7-8 yrs till my younger sis nessa! How am i suppose to get close to them? They were too busy for a kid like me when i was young cos they were probably busy mugging their butts off, hoping to get into a good sch which my parents had probably planned, getting into a good university, and getting a good stable career. Looking at them now, i think they have accomplished all just that, except leaving their younger brother out. Not bonding with him, not brining him out to the park as often as they went out to play. I dunno wad to say, except that; I feel that i am being left out in all my family's lives. They are either too busy with work, their social life and worrying on how to get a good and high paying job that they have freaking hell lost their youngest brother.}

Enuff abt me. I totally screwed things up. I forgot to pass Huimin her house key to open her house door. I wanted to bang my head against something hard and scream out loud the moment i heard her teary and sad voice on the noisy bus. I knew she was crying and only found out the real reason why she cried.

James says:
when were you crying??
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
cos i felt very alone very afraid very abandoned.
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
whn i called you.
James says:
i know
James says:
okays!
James says:
i promise this will never happen again!
James says:
i promise
James says:
cross my heart
James says:
prepare to die!
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
haha i've never felt tht for a long time or never felt tht beofre.
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
*before.
James says:
1********************************************************************00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

SORRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
so i cried.
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
haha
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
it's okay.

Well, from the above extract, i can infer that i had been totally a fool. I forgot to do something very important and i was not responsive in picking my calls. She called my 5 times from the police station and all i did was listen to my music and read my darn book, as the phone vibrated on and on in my freaking bag. So stupid of me, to leave my phone in my bag. WHY???? Because i dun like things in my pocket, cos it made them look bulky. Then why did they create such a things called pockets???? DUMBASS!!!! Well, i hope that she really accepts my apologies and forgives me. I hope that all things turn out good later when we talk. Hopefully! :)

Till the next happenings.....

2007-10-01T01:11:00.000+08:00

Got abandoned by my parents at church today, when i came down from Sunday School, i realised that our car had gone off. So i was stranded at church. Initially i was thinking of eating lunch alone, but i waited for Wesley, and we ate Ba Chor Mee!! Yummy, Huimin's favourite store! Hahas!

Well, Jerlynn went for lunch with her friends at Junction 8. I told her to msg me where she was gonna eat when she and her friends had settled down, but i did not receive any msg whatsoever. After lunch, went to find her at J8. When i reached there, i called her mobile, no one picked up, called lisa, no response, and called Cheryl....still no response. So i was thinking that something bad happened, like she broke down in tears or something over our issue we had this morning.

2007-09-30T05:19:00.001+08:00

I've just completed my Bible study questions and i've got totally no mood to read a book, nor to sleep. So i am gonna write out wad happened.

Yesterday and this early morning was a very sad and emotional day for both Huimin and I. While at her house just now, we talked on the issue of us being together. From her phone call after she ended YP, i could sense that there was something wrong, from her tone of voice. Initially i thought that it was her mood, and her surroundings. NVM, i thought!!!
We met at Orchard Mrt, she was 30 plus mins late. I was initially agitated by waiting cos the environment there was just too noisy, buzzing with ppl all heading to town, leaving town, all the talking and chatting was making me go a little dizzy. I soon got back to my usual self the moment we reached Taka. Had some German food, and then walked around. We left town abt 9.30pm and we traveled to Sengkang.

It was at her house where everything finally spilled out. Earlier on she asked me whether i would prefer to be happy through the entire day and be told the sad news at the end of the day, or would i prefer to be sad from the very start of a brand new day. My response was the latter. At her house, we somehow started talking abt our relationship. She started by saying that Amanda Teo knew that i once had a GF and advised her not to get together with me. I was taken aback when i heard this statement. I was stunned. I felt this kinda dashing and sweeping statements should never be said by someone who barely knows me, and even if she did, it would only be from her own observations, and not by talking to me. So, i felt somewhat hurt.
Next came the more controversial part, Huimin felt that she felt herself to be a hypocrite, because i told her: " i think and feel that everyone in church is a just putting up a mask whenever they are in church. " She related herself to as one of these ppl, as she saw herself as not being a good testimony towards others and also to herself, cos of the relationship between the both of us. TEARS STARTED ROLLING OUT OF HER EYES!!!!!

I knew that we had a BIG situation on hand, and that we had to thrash it out. But still, i was numb, probably cos i was too taken aback by the suddenness of matters. At her house bus stop, we were both super silent, cos she told me that she wanted us to just be normal friends. That was the blow for me. I was still trying to recover form wad happened at her house, and then the second killer statement came directly at me. I was so stunned that i just responded, "oh okays". Deep down in me, i wanted it to continue, the word i use is {continue} not grow or develop. I wanted the relationship between us to remain the way it is, but yet we aren't officially together. Basically, like wad she said over the phone, i wanted to have the best of both worlds, which is entirely impossible. The Bible tells us that we can either be HOT or COLD, not luke warm. So yep! I knew i had to let go. Other matters also reassured my decision....such as her parents decision, what she heard from auntie Akiko, her Bible Study leader at YP, and probably wad Amanda told her.

When the last bus came, i got up, hugged her and parted. She sat back down on the bench, and i knew before the bus came, she would cry the moment i leave her body, after that hug. Just as much, she started tearing even before the bus entered the bus stop. I gave her a good-bye kiss, which came together with her tears, and boarded the bus. While on the bus, i did not look up at her because i was feeling to crappy on the inside. The moment i sat down, i started crying. I could not hold it back...tears and more tears just rolled down. It was only until the bus reached Hougang that i stopped tearing. I wanted to get off, and head back, but there was no freaking last bus back. F**K F**K F**K was screaming in my head!!!!! I thought deeply and intensely over things on the journey back home. I thought of what was to come after today, what will our feelings be like to one another, how would things go on, how would our lives be after this incident....etc. etc...
When i finally got back, i typed my earlier post, and went to shower. While in the shower, i punched the wall out of agony and then started crying. I just sat on the shower floor for like 5 mintes under freezing water. (this is probably the 2 time i had a more than 5 min bath). I thought of ways to for get this whole matter. In fact, i thought of getting two packs of Viceroy Menthol from Esso, while walking back home. Thankfully i didn't, cos i would be more unhealthy and 20 bucks poorer. Got out of the shower, opened my dairy which i started on Friday, wrote 4 sentences and gave up waiting till 3am to call Huimin. I told her at the bus stop that i would call at 3am, but the misery was just too much for me to wait another hour plus.

Called her, and we basically cried the whole matter out. There wasn't much elaboration though, we basically came to know that we had to do wad was right, and soon enough, i came to my senses that letting go was the right thing. Then at around 3am plus, the thought crossed my mind....we were never even officially together, and yet we are crying so much over this matter. All i had to do was to tell her that i wanted us to remain as friends!!! NOOOO, but the simple fact is, we had to say it out, if not, things would never see a change. It feels completely awkward and weird, cos on friday, we were all over each other, and the very next day, you want us to disperse and separate ourselves like we are some plant's seeds. I told her that i cannot guarantee her that we might not Kiss and Hug in the future, but what i could promise her is that i would always be there by her, for her. I promise myself that.

>HUIMIN, you have showed and given me the opportunity of experiencing so much more of your life. So much more than the 9 months spent with Nat. Your love, care and concern shown to me will be greatly treasured, and will be locked in my heart. You are really a blessing to me, it could and could not be from God, but i shall take it as from God. Come monday, i might feel that it would be the weirdest day of my life, cos everything would have changed, and everything would just be left behind, or swept under a carpet. That same Jerlynn would never be experienced by me anymore, because of this agreement on being just friends. Lamenting on it for weeks is fine, but its not gonna make a difference. I will try my best, together with God's help, mercy and grace, to MOVE AROUND, NOT GET OVER this situation. Love to me is a three letter word, and that is GOD. If there is no God in a relationship, i think that relationship is hopeless and it would crumble.

So as the days go by, i hope that you and i would grow spiritually and intellectually in the fear and nurture of the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY. GOD BLESS and i hope that we would never drift apart. Losing such a friend like you is really disheartening for me.

CYA AROUND SOMETIME SOON!!!!!

2007-09-30T00:55:00.000+08:00

Today was a sad and depressing day. A day where i might take a long long time to recover and get over, may be weeks, months.....may be even years. Well, i think that your decision is final, and nothing can change that fact. Today's post will be in my dairy, which i started yesterday, and today would mark the ending of my dairy.

THANKS FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN AND PROVIDED. :DD

2007-09-28T01:00:00.000+08:00

Today was a very tiring day for me. I woke up really early, 11am....when i slept at 4am this morning. YAWNS! Jerlynn came my house and without me even knowing la, she walked all the way from the bus stop to my house! Great effort! Hahas!

She came my house to drop off her bag and stuff before we left to East Coast Park to meet Amos, Darius, Liling, Lisa, and Wesley. We left home and began our journey in the slight drizzle to ECP. When we reached there, it was still drizzling. We sat at Macs and had our lunch, after which we all rented bikes and started cycling. Along the way, Huimin's bike was not functioning properly, so we rode back to change it. We then started out again, this time we wanted to head to the end of ECP, the end nearer Tanah Merah golf course. But, when we passed the food centre, some one's bike broke down again. This time, the entire back wheel could not move, and we just could not fix the problem. If i am not wrong, it was Jerlynn's bike but she changed bike with liling earlier, so it was actually Liling's bike!!! SORRY MY DEAR!!!! :DD So i volunteered to drag the bike back all the way to the shop. Well, it was one hack of a distance back. Not that i wanna say, but i think our church ppl are really not that caring as they seem to be. Other than Darius's offer to help push the bike back, no one else bothered to give a hand.

Thankfully Jerlynn was beside me all the while, patiently following me all the way back to the shop. A MILLION THANKS!!! :DD I was a little pissed that no one came back to help, and they could even call me to tell me that they were already at Macs, slacking. I dunno what they have learnt all these while at YP. I walked at least 1.7km, dragging a bike, with the back wheel jammed. You should really try it one day, and let me know how tiring it feels! ARGH!!!!!

Upon reaching the shop, i asked to switch to a couple bike. It seemed much easier! Jerlynn and i went to meet the rest who were at Macs, and when we went there, i was shocked again as no one bothered to get a drink for the both of us. Well, give them the benefit of the doubt that they thought it was raining, so we drank rain water, or we just stopped off to get a drink from the sea!! DARN RIGHT MAN! Totally no drink. PISSED OFF! I walked straight to the counter and got a green tea!

Continued cycling! This time i rode with Amos, cos i was so so so tired after dragging that bike back. I sat behind the two seater, and we set off to head to Rochor side...along the way there, it started pouring and we were forced to turn back by the lightning and heavy rain!!
We returned to the bike shop, returned our bikes, and went to Parkway to have our dinner. We all had chicken rice except for Wesley who wanted to have "Char Kway Tiao"! Well, we enjoyed our meal! At least i did! (Liling eats really little food!) :DD Then we parted ways after that!

Jerlynn came my house, i helped her to color her mum's pictures. I now realise the tiring and sian feeling Jerlynn gets after coloring so many of such pictures. We coloured till 10.30pm and we left my house to take 43 to her hse! The journey there was a cold and long one. She leaned on me all through the journey, (which i like.) Went to her house to pee and then rushed back to the opposite side to catch the last bus. I thought i had missed it, but i didn't. Before i boarded it, i hugged her and wanted to kiss her, but as i lowered my head, she initiated it! I was somewhat amazed but after a while, that feeling sank into me, and i soon felt super happy and ecstatic. I felt something in me, no words could express. Well, i listened to my mp3 player home and did not even feel tired, probably i was looking forward to coming home to blog. Well, hope all things work out between the both of us!

Sam, though your results are in the D's it is still not too late to pick up the pace, the level of mugging. I feel that your sch's papers are just killers. They are out to kill many ppl and those who get A's are just complete nerds, who dun have a lifestyle other than mugging day and night. Unlike you, you've got friends to turn to when your depressed, friends to go clubbing with, drinking, go shopping with, slack and chill with. MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU ALSO HAVE FRIENDS TO MUGG WITH. SOME OF THESE PALS ARE CLOSE TO YOU AND SPEND MANY MANY HOURS WITH YOU, EATING, MUGGING, LAUGHING, SHOPPING, CLUBBING. THESE ARE THE FRIENDS YOU SHOULD TREASURE THE MOST. (I KNOW I HAVE NOT TAKEN THE EFFORT TO TALK TO YOU, PARTLY BECAUSE OF MY SOCIAL LIFE WHICH I THINK YOU KNOW TOO, BUT I WILL TRY MY BEST!!)

TILL THE NEXT POST......

2007-09-27T01:11:00.000+08:00

Ouh, i forgot to add! There were a couple of times where i felt rather sad and depressed by various things! First time i got depressed was when your mood changed and you did not let me know wad caused it. Second was when i was at the park, reading the book. Initially i felt angry but after that i just felt sad. Third was at the bus stop just now when i asked you whether you were gonna learn how to do the hair thingy, and you said that you were not gonna learn it....

>Anyways, call me when your done reading the two posts. I am not angry of upset over any issues or issues which i have posted on my blog, so feel free to talk it out with me. If we have talked on personal issues, i dun see why holding these things back is necessary! Happy Reading!!!

CHERRIO! :DD

2007-09-26T21:38:00.001+08:00

Woke up yesterday feeling a little queasy, and a little sick....i wanted to stay home to slack, rest and recuperate all the sleep that i have lost over the many many days spent talking and out at night. But i could not do just that, cos i was suppose to go meet Jerlynn and accompany her to her job interview at Toa Payoh. I called her that morning and told her my situation, and i came to a conclusion that if i still felt sick after my bath, i would stay home to rest. In actual fact, after my bath, i still was feeling feverish and somewhat sick, nonetheless, i called Jerlynn and told her that i was feeling alright. I got dressed and took MRT to Toa Payoh. Upon meeting her there, i asked her for the exact address, which she had written down. When i saw the address, i was shocked, as it wrote; 247 Paya Lebar Road. DANG!!! Totally on the opposite side of Singapore. With faith in making it for the interview, we took the train all the way back to Paya Lebar. At City Hall, when we were supposed to cross over and change train, she just broke down into tears. As the doors opened at City Hall, there were streams of tears flowing from her eyes. I dunno wad made her cry at that point of time. We sat at the benches at the station and i did what all sensible guy would do....comfort her. After a while i realized that i had to just let all her tears flow dry from her tear bags!! So i did, i also comforted her...cos i just did not like the idea of girls crying, and this situation was different as i did not do anything to hurt her, nor harm her, so other ppl around would think otherwise.

Thankfully she stopped and i told her that everything was alright. Ppl do make mistakes and that is where we learn from them. If the whole world were to be perfect, this would be a very imperfect world, Singapore would not be the way it is at the present state. After the everything cooled off, i wanted to give her a hug, but was unsure whether she would accept and take it in the right way, as i meant it to be, so i did not. I held back until we boarded the next train to Paya Lebar. On the train, we stood on our own, as in separate. I wanted her to lean on me, but i just could not force a girl to do that. If my memory does not fail me, i think i did hug her on the train, just before we reached our destination. When we were waiting for the bus to the address, i asked her why she cried, and she asked me what i thought the answer was.....so i told her that she felt bad and sorry for making me travel all the way to Toa Payoh and back again. Well, in the actual fact was that i was feeling totally fine and that i had no grudges towards her once we tapped back into Toa Payoh MRT, and when i squatted at the lift. Nonetheless, all things went well, we managed to make it for the interview before 3pm, and i met my ex-counsellor, Joshua. He was helping out in the shop which we went for an interview....they were selling Christian items, from books, shirts, sweaters, files, nearly everything.

After the interview, we went to town to meet Jerlynn's Ai rens. We went to Sakae at The Heeren. Met Amanda, Wan Zhen, Donovan, Wei Dong, Michelle, Si Qi, Wan's friends! We ate like a whole load of food!!! Like dunno 60 plates from the buffet! HAHAS! I paid for the 8 persons buffet, wait, more like 7, cos they counted wrongly! HAHAS!!
After our meal, we Jerlynn and i went to church for prayer meeting. After prayer meeting, we bought candles and went to meet Jerlynn's ai rens. We took 76 from opp church and went to stop at Amk interchange, thinking that we were goin to Ponggol Park. After which, we boarded back on 76 cos we thought we decided on Amanda's house.....after a while, they wanted to go Ponggol Park and the decision was final, so i could not do anything about that. I was not feeling too well, but still i told Jerlynn that i wanted to go to Ponggol. I did not choose to go Ponggol Park for your sake, more rather i wanted to really know how to play candles. I had not played it when i was a kid...and i also told Amanda that i would not Pang Seh her. So i was determined on going to meet them!

I am indeed thankful that we went to meet the rest, cos i had such a great time, especially with the one closest to me now!! Thanks for all the happy times, and also the sad times that you've brought me! MANY THANKS!!!

We left Ponggol Park rather late, 1am plus....we bought supper back home foe Jerlynn's parents who are always up doing work! While walking to her block, i realised that my shades were missing from my forehead. I soon thought back where i last left it, and i retraced them back to the bench Jerlynn and We got them Mee Siam, Duck Porridge, and Prata. They ate the mee siam and left us with prata and the duck porridge, which did not have much taste in it! Anyways, somehow or rather, i was finally allow to stay in her house, aft many failure attempts, it all paid off. I stayed up till 4 plus 5, and finally my body could not take it anymore, so i turned in. I got woken up by Jerlynn shaking me. Wait, it felt the same as the way she shook me to go brush my teeth before i slept....something like " james, go go go brush your teeth, break, go brush your teeth, faster go brush your teeth!!!" So so so so irritating man! I dunno wad will happen if she ends up my wife man! I will most certainly dread it man! HAHAHAS!!!! (no offence!!)
Got woken up with her shaking me and then she just laid down on her bed, the same bed i slept on, so moved inwards and gave her space. Before i knew it, she is on the same bed as me and we are sleeping together. I was so tired that i could literally sleep till 4pm... We just lazed in bed....we got really really close to one another in bed, and we were listening to some nice Chinese songs, and i was facing her, and she was facing me, i really wanted to give her a kiss on her lips but i refrained myself from doing so probably because she told me before that she wanted to hold hands only till when we were together, so i just forced myself to resist. BUT....we were in that position for a very very very long time and finally i just gave her a kiss on her lips and went to brush my teeth. She did not say anything, nor did she reject it immediately. Well, i dunno how she felt, but i felt nice, and good after that. She lied to me abt her brushing her teeth, cos i could smell from her breadth! HAHAHS!! (i've got a strong sense of smell!) I would love to know her response to this morning's situation at her house. :D

We left her house this afternoon at 2 plus. We were headed to my house, course she wanted to come my house. We dropped our stuff and went to eat at different taste. Came back, went online and just slacked till 8 plus, had dinner and continued slacking on the computer. I showed her the box which contained all the past things relating to natalie, my ex-girlfriend. She read the journal which i started while with Nat, and she has it with her at this resent moment. Her mood changed after she started reading the book, i dunno what caused this change, but i think its something to do with me and the book. Thus, i did not ask further, since she said she did not know what caused the change herself. I just saw her to my house bus stop and watching her leave me on the bus made me promise myself that from today onwards, i will make it a point to follow Jerlynn home every time i go out with her. I PROMISE!! :X

Anyways, i hope to hear from Jerlynn soon, and i hope that i have said all of what i wanted to say and i also hope that our relationship would take a step forward! I had a really nice time staying over at your place, playing scrabble and having you to irritate me, sleeping on you soft bed, sleeping in you room which never seems day time to me!!!! :D

Till next time then.....

2007-09-23T20:14:00.000+08:00

Games at Depot Walk was fun...really enjoyed myself helping out with the games there!! Despite sleeping on 5am on sat morning, I managed to pull through the entire day, and even go out with Sam to town. I knew i had to go out with him, if not there would not be any other opportunities to go out with him till his A levels are over! Nice food, nice movie, and nice companion!!

Finally collected my pay, and i can pay her back! Thank God! Though i must say that the cash are still with me. I was thinking of keeping it i can draw it out whenever you need it. Okays?? let me know on your decision!

To my peeps, i apologize if i have not spent time with you all. I know i have neglected some of our friendships, and even hurt some of them....i just hope that u all would give me a chance. There are so many people to entertain, but i am only one person. I also need personal time, Hope i have not hurt too many of you all out there! SORRIES!!

2007-09-19T22:21:00.000+08:00

Its been a while.....
MONday : Went to Jerlynn's house to slack, watch her study and then go out for lunch. I did nothing except go out for lunch with her at 3 plus 4. I was so shack, sick and lethargic that i basically slept the entire time i was there. I supposed she studied, if not my efforts were all in vain...

The food at Harbour Front centre was good. Loved it! Simple and good.
Walked a very very long time at Vivo City. I wanted to get so many things, but didn't have much cash on me. SORRY for making you walk with me, i know u were tired and u weren't feeling that well. Really sorries!!! =(
Despite all the walking, i still managed to get a pair of Ted Baker shoes. Love the colour, really honestly. Though its super mutt, i still love it. Thanks for the opinion. Dinner was so so la, seeing your non-virgin friend, and her not so good lookin boyfriend, who probably did it with her like so many times that they probably lost count. =DD
NIGHT: the best part, (i feel). We walked home from Sengkang mrt and we sat on that chair and chatted for about an hour. Random issues were raised, but nothing too personal. Hahas, and the call from Lisa basically broke the sensation and atmosphere....
The journey back home was rather boring. Walking back home was even more frightening, because i was cold, shivering, and the night's wind was blowing strongly. I kept looking back esp aft i walked through that secluded pathway....looking for any suspicious characters!!! HAHA!!!We chatted on some issues abt the both of us when i was back home, and i think that i would take everything positively. SENSITIVE & UNGODLY. Will always remember these two. As for you, SIMPLISTIC & RANDOM. [this is for the time-being only]
>Thanks for walking with me, accompanying me and being an adviser when i needed your help. =))

PS>.Yesh "we are behaving like couples, but it does not mean that we are a couple." There are those who act as if they are together but in actual fact are not together. I ain't saying that we should be like that, but more or rather, I just hope that everything will just take its natural course. Okays???? =D

TUESday: Went out with darius, amos, hui min, lisa, elise, amanda, and curtis. We took such a long time to decide the movie that we were gonna watch at Macs. Got so totally irritated that i wanted to shout la, but i managed to keep my cool by going to draw cash from the Atm.
The show was SO SO la. Too much action i think, and very little story line.
Tuition was a terror, i was so sick that i had to take panadol. SO SUPER tired that day la. Body was goin to break in to million of pieces. Thank goodness u called, if not i were to really collapse. Your voice is really a medicine. It not only brings a smile to my face, it also takes things off my mind. Thank you for everything!
SMILE SMILES SMILIES!!!!

WEDNESSday: Got woken up by amos, asking me whether i wanted to play dota. Told him that i was goin to see a doctor, cos i was not feeling too well. So i left my house early, hoping to catch the morning clinic, but to my dismay, i was 3 numbers late. The last number that the doctors was goin to see was 7267, and my number was 7270. So sian man.....so i went over to Starbucks at Parkway, bought a Grande americano, sat there and read my book.....
All these was done without Jerlynn calling me, nor did i call Jerlynn. I wanted to see whether we could go on a day without calling one another...but i could not last. I broke the resistance at 1.30pm. I called her and she just got out of bed not too long ago, say 12 plus.....etc etc etc...

Doctor suspected tat i smoked, cos she saw my infected throat and the swelling was really bad. So after the doctor, went home, played some dota and tried the resistance thingy with Huimin, but this time, she could not maintain....so she buzzed me and we chatted....i left the game with darius, amos, and curtis just to talk with YOU!!!!!!!!<3 Appreciate that!!!! Haha!!

Anyways, ever since then, the both of us, (more of her) cannot maintain not talking to one another. I kinda know how she feels, and i am rather touched. At least someone likes my voice....muahahahaha!!!!!!!Go slp early girl, if not you will get bad memory.....Nights! <3 <3 <3

2007-09-14T00:13:00.000+08:00

TODAY TODAY TODAY....
was rather alright, with just some silent issues going on between YHM and me. I dunno wad sparked it, but i think she felt bad. The outing out was fun filled and an experience for me to understand the situation and feelings of my parents when i was somewhere around Cauis age. HE IS REALLY A PAIN IN PEOPLE'S ASS MAN. HE JUST WOULDN'T STOP IRRITATING THE FEW OF US.

Thanks for lending me the $300/- cash. I really appreciate your generosity, love, care and concern. I dunno how to thank you, but just being a better and more understanding friend to you. A million THANKS!!! :D

Anyways, the trip to East Coast Park yesterday was a great one too. Though we did not manage to hit the shores, we still managed to talk some things out, i felt that the great thing was that you managed to get some things off your mind, clear some thoughts first. Sorry if i had interfered with some of your plans yesterday. MY BAD. Nonetheless, the food was super duper nice, but i gotta admit; we ordered a little too much.

There were a few situations which sprang up today, i knew it, and you knew them too. Despite noticing them, i did not really bother about it, only until i called you on the way home. That's when i realized that you too had the same thoughts as i. This therefore left me wondering what you were really thinking about in your inquisitive mind. Although i tried persuading you to talk the matters out over the phone later, you had already decided to talk them out tmr when we meet up at the beach....right???
(FYI, i think its in Proverbs or Psalms, which tells us not to let a problem go unsolved before the sun sets.)
It might be weird for you, but we gotta take things one step at a time. Whatever you are gonna ask me, i would answer them honestly. I wouldn't know your response immediately, but whatever the circumstances, i would hope that all things turn out right. (Its better to have 1 more friend than a foe!)

If you really, truly and sincerely wanna talk these matters tmr, i am not gonna object. But if u think its on your mind too much, then just Buzz me, and we can talk clarify things out. Its your call. Hear from ya soon.....

2007-09-12T00:05:00.000+08:00

okays! just got the phone with YHM. Not gonna say who is that just yet, but yeah, just a normal friend from church whom i recently started chatting to. =D
She's been really friendly, sociable and caring, thought she is rather inquisitive, and asks lots of questions, which i don't mind at all. SERIOUSLY!!NOT LYING! She is very unique, special is certain ways which i will not say, and she's super bubbly, always having a smile on her face, so full of life, energy, and ever so cheerful. Though u may never hear her sad part of life which is really bad though. I personally think that we are suppose to share all our worries, sad and depressed times with others, so as to take the pain and emotional feelings as far away as possible.
->TO THIS PERSON, I WOULD CERTAINLY HOPE THAT YOU WOULD SHARE YOUR SAD, TROUBLED MOMENTS WITH ME.

<3
Anyways, YHM, now that we have both exposed our past, i hope that it really remains between just the both of us. I hope that you would not break under pressure by friends or that you would not just blurt things out and say that it was a slip of your tongue.

It was really a great to talk with ya at the ISTANNA (dunno whether its double N) park,. Got to know you much better, though i must admit your questions are rather random at some times, but i can accept that, for who you are. I am also a relatively random kinda person, its just that i dun really show it. =S
I am sorry about your past, whatever they may be, with your EX, with your sister and even your friends. ALWAYS REMEMBER, IN ALL THINGS GIVE THANKS.!!!
Big thanks for sharing with me some of my secrets, emotions, experiences and any other things which i have not included. OUHH, sorry abt today...i was felling sick and not very myself, with all the memories flooding my head. Hope things clear out over the couple of hours....THANK YOU YHM. <3

I LOVE THE SONG!!!!!

2007-09-04T01:06:00.000+08:00

Its been nearly a month, perhaps more than a month since i last published a post. Have been working since last Thursday at the IT show at suntec city. Boy boy, though the hours a long, standing all day, pushing for sales, and offering the best deals, and doing what many salesmen do, LIE!!!!

Well, i take everything as God's will, this time's working experience would be one i wouldn't forget in the short run. Hope that the next job i find would be one that has better working environment, and atmosphere, but then again, beggars can't be choosers.

Exams are rather bad, in fact too bad that i can predict that i would be taking the sub-papers for both economics and accounting. I left the entire last question out for BA and that cost me 22marks. How foolish but still i managed to accomplish it. Unbelievable man!!

Rather satisfied with what i bought from the COMEX, finally a new set of powerful and clear speakers. I LIKE! :)

Had a soccer match with my friends toady, but i sadly did not play, due to the rain. Really missed those times i had with my secondary sch mates, and more even so, some of my mates from TP.
>Malia, hope you like your present(s). =)

I have pretty much nothing to do these few days, hope i figure out something, before my semester break ends. CIAOS!

2007-08-23T00:17:00.000+08:00

have been studying really hard these past few 10 days, spending like a dog, and still wasting my health away, even after countless number of times of persuasions from various people to quit....sighs, i hate myself.

i know i am not going to do very well for my upcoming business accounting and macroeconomics exams, cos i did not get a very good grade for my coursework, which carries a rather high percentage if u were to ask me. Nonetheless, i am still giving my all to do my very best!! Hope God is will see me through this tough and stressed period of time....in fact, i hope God is with every one out there studying, mugging their butts off for their "O", "A", or any other kind of important exams.

TO MY PEEPS, SAM, ABLE, MALIA, TECK WEE, THANKS FOR MUGGING WITH ME DURING THESES FEW DAYS, ESP SAM AND ABLE!! THE HOURS SPENT AT OUR NEIGHBORHOOD PARK WAS UNBELIEVABLE. WILL MISS THE GOOD TIMES AFTER OUR EXAMS END!!

SAM, PERSEVERE AND DON'T GIVE UP. IN FACT, NEVER GIVE UP!! ITS JUST A FEW MORE MONTHS MORE TILL ALL THE FUN U WANT COMES TO YOU! U ARE JUST A STONE'S THROW AWAY FROM NEARLY COMPLETE FREEDOM.
p.s>SoRrY about the incident two nights ago at your place. i know was inconsiderate and being a barstard. paiseh!! :) smiles BFF!!

I am seriously too stressed out to feel and say anything, other than i simply hate stress. I hate exams, just wished that this world would not have exams and test just to get a freaking cert which might not be even useful in the future. well, i hope that the Good Lord comes soon and take all his people up to heaven!!!

well, gotta go now. Needa MUG my ass again. :( :(

2007-08-16T00:23:00.000+08:00

Poly life is not as simple as it looks 5-10 yrs ago man!!!
I am so freaking stress that i have resulted back to my old nature of fagging my O2 tanks away again!! can't seem to handle the work load and stuff man!! :(

Last week was a horrible week for me! Had to submit my final version of my website on Changi Village by Wed 5pm but I did not even managed to link all my pages together.
I re-did the entire page like 4-5 times just because of the slices and the images were wrong. After all the long hours of editing and shit, i went to submit it on the web server in IT school, and was like an hour late, and the links were not working properly. FUCK WDS MAN!!!!

Shortly after which, i was taken aback when i realised that i lost my freaking wallet. i retraced my steps and soon found it, but the cash of S$300 was gone. i could not go out that night to celebrate, nor could i go out the following day and the rest of the days to follow.

Followed up on friday morning, and also realised that the cameras in the labs were dummies. So my cash simply just flew away! FUCKING PISSED MAN!!!

Well, this week has been a tiring and shagg one for me. Have been sleeping like at past 3am everyday, studying accounting and economics.....exams are in 1 week's time man. I really cannot afford to fail accounting, if not i will be a complete loser for my life man! HOPE SUCCESS COMES ALONG MY PATH IN THE UPCOMING EXAMS!!

Finally caught up with Sam and Able, my friends and also my neighbours. Have been stuying with them like non-stop into the wee hours of the night. Hope to party after my exams are over man!!!

Wells, gotta go study now!!! All the best for all those studying hard for their upcoming exams!!! Especially u SAM!!! :)

CHERRIO!

2007-07-31T19:38:00.000+08:00

SIGHS!!! Haven't really had the time to blog! Just handed in CTOS individual and group project yesterday. So darn stress man!! I thought i could take a breather this week, but i got a bloody Account's test tomorrow and i have not started studying. Missed the original test week cos i was sick from Monday - Wednesday. Really hope the retest ain't as hard as it said its to be!!! :(

Really missed the good old days where i could just go to school with a light bag, no books, and best of all with a relaxed mind, only thinking on what activities to do after school!! HAHA!! But life ain't so easy any more.

Haven't been talking to SAM recently! Dude if u read this,i am really sorry! Both of us are so caught up with our work that we can barely meet up, didn't think it would end up this way after your season ended! Hope we can meet up sometime soon man!! =))
SMOKE ON BUDDY!!!

Well, i am thankful to God for my school friends and also my church friends, thats if they are my friends. Been getting to know them lately, and i just discovered that they have great personalities and characteristics! Hope to get to know them better!!

Well, gotta go now. Gonna study at the park now till 3am. Hope i'll be able to last till then without any coffee!

-=[all you have left behind is just a memory]=-

2007-07-18T22:49:00.000+08:00

its been a confusing and hectic week for me. i've got like accounting test next Monday and i totally don't understand anything about accounting, gotta write a summary tomorrow which i don't think my kinda irresponsible group members have done much for the findings on our survey. Econs project due date is drawing near, and i gotta complete my website.

Met "Jacqueline" last saturday...a person whom i haven't met in my entire life but we have been chatting off and on....well, i think her viewpoints about me have changed, we have just clarified our issues and we're cool now, i think. well, i hope all things go well between Jacqueline and her boyfriend and her problems at tuition and family.

Gonna meet my bestie later to chat and catch up....hope he is feeling better after his recent "break up" and hope his relationships with his friends are fine. well, i gotta admit that i have changed, with all these distractions in my life..!!!

How i wish time could just stop for me to catch up with all the necessary people and never lose 1 person in my circle of friends!

2007-07-14T02:17:00.000+08:00

today was finally the day where everything btw bestie and i were being thrashed out. all the times i have let u down, not being there for you, not being able to find solutions to your always present problems, and not being able to sense that something was wrong. to be damn straight, i knew that there was something wrong btw the both of us. i know u were pissed with me ever since sat, but i could not do anything cos my mind was focused on WDS and my projects. Well, i know i have manipulated and taken great advantage of you lately, but sometimes i hope u would try to understand how i feel!!

If any one has a problem, i must be told straight in the face, and not through emo words man, i mean my language is not that strong as u but i hope u can be more open! frankly speaking, i think u are really quite weird sometimes, and it makes me wonder why we are still BESTIES and good pals, u said that it was the distance between our house, but i say its the true friendship, the pain and hardship that both u and i have seen each other through in the past 5 years. NO ONE knows me better than u do, not even my parents. well, i know i've disappointed u time and time again but i really had not much of a choice.

Well, in short , this is an APOLOGY to you and hope that we would continue as best buddies and perhaps even closer as your A's draws near. The conversation we had just now was really inspirational and motivating. U have somewhat encouraged me to set goals in my life and learn to achieve them! Right now, my goals are: 1) to focus on my studies, get back my studying mood and do well in my grades in school!!
2) try to maintain all friendships that i have and try to treasure all close people as much as possible!!
3) quit smoking, even socially and with start exercising, getting back my fitness for the 5Km run that is coming up soon!!!
4) spend less money and save more for a rainy day!!

I really sincerely hope that u can help me to achieve my goals and not stumble in my way. today was a sad day for the both of us but i hope that all things turn out well for the both of us. kinda glad that u finally ended a rather one-way relationship with (19) and decided to start opening and treasuring your peeps in school. i know u would be able to get along with them and i wish u all the best with all your relationships with 19, farrell, denise, clarence, etc....

well, i really dunno wad else to say la! "MANY THANKS FOR BEING THERE WHEN I NEEDED SOMEONE"......

2007-07-08T22:23:00.000+08:00

what an enticing weekend it has been for me! full of emotions and feelings, it all started at school!!!! my peeps were just extremely "high"!!! it was as if we all took some kinda drug....we were laughing, teasing one another and just simply cracking jokes at any given opportunity!! (:

(P.S.-> A BIG SORRY to all my friends whom i have offended, especially those in my class, u guys know who u are, just hope that u all would forgive me and give me a new chance and accept me the way i am!! SORRY!!)

Chatted with a church friend over the phone, it was kinda my first time conveying with this person over the phone, and we chatted for like one and a half hours! whats the great part was, i used my mobile....(sorry dad if the bill exceeds your limit, i will pay half of it!!! I PROMISE!!) I basically conveyed most of my past to this person and the response was not too good, because my i do not have a great ideal story like most people. my past were mostly made up of sad memories, lots of tears shed by my family and i, i really wanna thank them and most importantly thank GOD for providing me such a great and wonderful and caring family!!! i have not said this phrase to member in my family, but, I REALLY LOVE YOU ALL!!!! <3
Brother, no matter how fierce u were, all the lashing, whipping, canning and beatings i had to bare from you, i still love you! as the bible says, bear no grudges against any family members! thanks Vanessa(2nd sis) for always being there for me when i was in need of somebody to talk to, seek answers and turn to when all seemed lost! you have always been my pillar in the family even when i could turn to no one, u guided and helped me with most of my problems!! Big thanks! Mum and dad, even though i keep telling myself that u all do not care and show love towards me, i know deep down in my heart that u all will always love and treasure me no matter how bad and naughty i am!!! I LOVE U ALL!!!!! thanks for being there when i was in my saddest moments and when i thought my life had been crushed!!!! thanks for all the many years where u have showered your love and concern. I do not blame anyone for the way i have become till this day but myself. As parents, i think u all have done a great job bringing up the four of us. THANKS!!!

finally got my cash from nat and it was not a great experience seeing her with that "Joshua" guy. pissed me off, but i managed to keep my cool with the help of GOD and my strong determination to move on in life!!

Saturday was a rather interesting day!!!! Witnessed a wedding ceremonial, really touching to see how two people can be bonded so closely by the power of LOVE!!!! :))
Went to church for youth program and i learnt that as ambassadors of GOD, we should get our basics right with GOD, which means not committing sins and reading his word and praying consistantly! i know i have drifted far away in my spiritual walk with GOD, and i have taken steps to change that fact!!!

Sunday was a day where drama filled my living room as my family and i gathered to watch a Chinese drama film, which brought some of us to tears during the course of the show. well, i am now left with a whole stack of work to complete, WDS due on Wednesday and accounting due tmr! DAMNS!!!! :((

CIAOS, gonna do work now. hope the double shot at starbucks can keep me awake till 3AM!!

2007-07-06T01:19:00.000+08:00

Sighs, i've never been so frustrated and stressed up before, rushing for WDS is like rushing against time. Will it ever end? Will the work load ease off??? ARGH!!!!!

Enough about work.....talking to NAT brought old memories, but they will always remain as memories in the back of my head, never seeing the light again. After she turned me down the second time, i knew that it was really finally the end of our relationship. I quote" I did not see us being together in the future, and i am too busy to get into a relationship."
can't believe u went against your own words when u told me on the phone that we might be together some few weeks back. ): anyways, life still goes on, and i certainly will move on....not that i have found a new love but i feel staying back waiting is not gonna change much btw us, even if i were still in SP(engineering).

(still can't believe u actually lent your friend my earpiece and then he loses it.....it a month's waiting time to import that shit man, and it cost 50 bucks! WTH!!!!!)

F**KING PISSED!!!!!

2007-07-04T22:05:00.000+08:00

heys! sorry to all those whom i told about my blog, this is the new present and updated one. Its slayerfx82.blogspot.com (: Just add (82) behind my previous blog URL. sorry for the inconvenience. (: ChErIo!!!

2007-07-04T21:50:00.000+08:00

Finally its been created, after a long long delay, and after much persuasion by my peers and bestie!! (:

Oh well, today was a rather tiring day for me. Loads of work to be done and i totally don't have time. I really wish that there could be more than 24hrs a day, but GOD has created it in this manner. Being bombarded with so much projects and assignments is not easy to cope!!! Sometimes i regret coming to Temasek Polytechnic, and even choosing polytechnic life.

"THE BEST INTENTIONS ARE ALWAYS FRAUGHT WITH DISAPPOINTMENT."