SIGHS!!! Haven't really had the time to blog! Just handed in CTOS individual and group project yesterday. So darn stress man!! I thought i could take a breather this week, but i got a bloody Account's test tomorrow and i have not started studying. Missed the original test week cos i was sick from Monday - Wednesday. Really hope the retest ain't as hard as it said its to be!!! :(
Really missed the good old days where i could just go to school with a light bag, no books, and best of all with a relaxed mind, only thinking on what activities to do after school!! HAHA!! But life ain't so easy any more.
Haven't been talking to SAM recently! Dude if u read this,i am really sorry! Both of us are so caught up with our work that we can barely meet up, didn't think it would end up this way after your season ended! Hope we can meet up sometime soon man!! =)) SMOKE ON BUDDY!!!
Well, i am thankful to God for my school friends and also my church friends, thats if they are my friends. Been getting to know them lately, and i just discovered that they have great personalities and characteristics! Hope to get to know them better!!
Well, gotta go now. Gonna study at the park now till 3am. Hope i'll be able to last till then without any coffee!
-=[all you have left behind is just a memory]=-
I don't care and I'm not okay
7:38:00 PM
Wednesday, July 18, 2007 l
its been a confusing and hectic week for me. i've got like accounting test next Monday and i totally don't understand anything about accounting, gotta write a summary tomorrow which i don't think my kinda irresponsible group members have done much for the findings on our survey. Econs project due date is drawing near, and i gotta complete my website.
Met "Jacqueline" last saturday...a person whom i haven't met in my entire life but we have been chatting off and on....well, i think her viewpoints about me have changed, we have just clarified our issues and we're cool now, i think. well, i hope all things go well between Jacqueline and her boyfriend and her problems at tuition and family.
Gonna meet my bestie later to chat and catch up....hope he is feeling better after his recent "break up" and hope his relationships with his friends are fine. well, i gotta admit that i have changed, with all these distractions in my life..!!!
How i wish time could just stop for me to catch up with all the necessary people and never lose 1 person in my circle of friends!
I don't care and I'm not okay
10:49:00 PM
Saturday, July 14, 2007 l
today was finally the day where everything btw bestie and i were being thrashed out. all the times i have let u down, not being there for you, not being able to find solutions to your always present problems, and not being able to sense that something was wrong. to be damn straight, i knew that there was something wrong btw the both of us. i know u were pissed with me ever since sat, but i could not do anything cos my mind was focused on WDS and my projects. Well, i know i have manipulated and taken great advantage of you lately, but sometimes i hope u would try to understand how i feel!!
If any one has a problem, i must be told straight in the face, and not through emo words man, i mean my language is not that strong as u but i hope u can be more open! frankly speaking, i think u are really quite weird sometimes, and it makes me wonder why we are still BESTIES and good pals, u said that it was the distance between our house, but i say its the true friendship, the pain and hardship that both u and i have seen each other through in the past 5 years. NO ONE knows me better than u do, not even my parents. well, i know i've disappointed u time and time again but i really had not much of a choice.
Well, in short , this is an APOLOGY to you and hope that we would continue as best buddies and perhaps even closer as your A's draws near. The conversation we had just now was really inspirational and motivating. U have somewhat encouraged me to set goals in my life and learn to achieve them! Right now, my goals are: 1) to focus on my studies, get back my studying mood and do well in my grades in school!! 2) try to maintain all friendships that i have and try to treasure all close people as much as possible!! 3) quit smoking, even socially and with start exercising, getting back my fitness for the 5Km run that is coming up soon!!! 4) spend less money and save more for a rainy day!!
I really sincerely hope that u can help me to achieve my goals and not stumble in my way. today was a sad day for the both of us but i hope that all things turn out well for the both of us. kinda glad that u finally ended a rather one-way relationship with (19) and decided to start opening and treasuring your peeps in school. i know u would be able to get along with them and i wish u all the best with all your relationships with 19, farrell, denise, clarence, etc....
well, i really dunno wad else to say la! "MANY THANKS FOR BEING THERE WHEN I NEEDED SOMEONE"......
I don't care and I'm not okay
2:17:00 AM
Sunday, July 8, 2007 l
what an enticing weekend it has been for me! full of emotions and feelings, it all started at school!!!! my peeps were just extremely "high"!!! it was as if we all took some kinda drug....we were laughing, teasing one another and just simply cracking jokes at any given opportunity!! (:
(P.S.-> A BIG SORRY to all my friends whom i have offended, especially those in my class, u guys know who u are, just hope that u all would forgive me and give me a new chance and accept me the way i am!! SORRY!!)
Chatted with a church friend over the phone, it was kinda my first time conveying with this person over the phone, and we chatted for like one and a half hours! whats the great part was, i used my mobile....(sorry dad if the bill exceeds your limit, i will pay half of it!!! I PROMISE!!) I basically conveyed most of my past to this person and the response was not too good, because my i do not have a great ideal story like most people. my past were mostly made up of sad memories, lots of tears shed by my family and i, i really wanna thank them and most importantly thank GOD for providing me such a great and wonderful and caring family!!! i have not said this phrase to member in my family, but, I REALLY LOVE YOU ALL!!!! <3 Brother, no matter how fierce u were, all the lashing, whipping, canning and beatings i had to bare from you, i still love you! as the bible says, bear no grudges against any family members! thanks Vanessa(2nd sis) for always being there for me when i was in need of somebody to talk to, seek answers and turn to when all seemed lost! you have always been my pillar in the family even when i could turn to no one, u guided and helped me with most of my problems!! Big thanks! Mum and dad, even though i keep telling myself that u all do not care and show love towards me, i know deep down in my heart that u all will always love and treasure me no matter how bad and naughty i am!!! I LOVE U ALL!!!!! thanks for being there when i was in my saddest moments and when i thought my life had been crushed!!!! thanks for all the many years where u have showered your love and concern. I do not blame anyone for the way i have become till this day but myself. As parents, i think u all have done a great job bringing up the four of us. THANKS!!!
finally got my cash from nat and it was not a great experience seeing her with that "Joshua" guy. pissed me off, but i managed to keep my cool with the help of GOD and my strong determination to move on in life!!
Saturday was a rather interesting day!!!! Witnessed a wedding ceremonial, really touching to see how two people can be bonded so closely by the power of LOVE!!!! :)) Went to church for youth program and i learnt that as ambassadors of GOD, we should get our basics right with GOD, which means not committing sins and reading his word and praying consistantly! i know i have drifted far away in my spiritual walk with GOD, and i have taken steps to change that fact!!!
Sunday was a day where drama filled my living room as my family and i gathered to watch a Chinese drama film, which brought some of us to tears during the course of the show. well, i am now left with a whole stack of work to complete, WDS due on Wednesday and accounting due tmr! DAMNS!!!! :((
CIAOS, gonna do work now. hope the double shot at starbucks can keep me awake till 3AM!!
I don't care and I'm not okay
10:23:00 PM
Friday, July 6, 2007 l
Sighs, i've never been so frustrated and stressed up before, rushing for WDS is like rushing against time. Will it ever end? Will the work load ease off??? ARGH!!!!!
Enough about work.....talking to NAT brought old memories, but they will always remain as memories in the back of my head, never seeing the light again. After she turned me down the second time, i knew that it was really finally the end of our relationship. I quote" I did not see us being together in the future, and i am too busy to get into a relationship." can't believe u went against your own words when u told me on the phone that we might be together some few weeks back. ): anyways, life still goes on, and i certainly will move on....not that i have found a new love but i feel staying back waiting is not gonna change much btw us, even if i were still in SP(engineering).
(still can't believe u actually lent your friend my earpiece and then he loses it.....it a month's waiting time to import that shit man, and it cost 50 bucks! WTH!!!!!)
F**KING PISSED!!!!!
I don't care and I'm not okay
1:19:00 AM
Wednesday, July 4, 2007 l
heys! sorry to all those whom i told about my blog, this is the new present and updated one. Its slayerfx82.blogspot.com (: Just add (82) behind my previous blog URL. sorry for the inconvenience. (: ChErIo!!!
I don't care and I'm not okay
10:05:00 PM
l
Finally its been created, after a long long delay, and after much persuasion by my peers and bestie!! (:
Oh well, today was a rather tiring day for me. Loads of work to be done and i totally don't have time. I really wish that there could be more than 24hrs a day, but GOD has created it in this manner. Being bombarded with so much projects and assignments is not easy to cope!!! Sometimes i regret coming to Temasek Polytechnic, and even choosing polytechnic life.
"THE BEST INTENTIONS ARE ALWAYS FRAUGHT WITH DISAPPOINTMENT."
