The past few days has been a naggy one for me, and even when baby came over, my mom was like lecturing her for nearly an hour, i hated it and i was really agitated by the simple fact that my mom did not know when to stop lecturing. Yesterday, i was talking to my parents on some matters, and my mom suddenly brought up the topic on petting and stuff, it rang a bell to me but i did not know whether she was refering to me. I soon found out today that she was, as my dad told me that what me and huimin are doing is wrong and that i was just fullfilling my fleshly deires, and i pretended to act blur, hioping that he would tell me his source of information, and he soon spilled it out. My red "LOVE" book, saw me write a page of how we both experienced our first kiss, and how i slept on her bed till 5 the following afternoon after sleeping over, thats if i recall properly. Well i knew that there was this day where we were suppose to go out for breakfast with the rest of the Zee organisation and we ended staying in her home, and we did not leave house till 5pm. Baby, i dunno whether you remember that, i hope some recollection would come to you. Well, i did not exactly write every single discription in the book, but it was enough for my parents to know that i was up to no good, and i truly was, but that was in the past. I have committed this matter to God and have asked him for his forgiveness and we are both trying our best not to give into temptation, as satan is always there tempting everyone of us. It is certainly difficult for me, but i know that after telling huimin my situation, i knew she was more greatly affected as compared to me. I dun think my parents would do such a thing like slapping you across the face, as i did not clearly decribe every detail, and i certainly do not think that they would start counselling ya, cos i dun think my dad is that kind, but then again, i dun really know my parents that well.
Well, there are two ways as to how things are going to go down. I can say that what i wrote about a relationship with another girl, or i can admit that it was true, and we are both trying our very best, with God's help to stop succumbing to temptations, and that we have both realised that it was wrong after that first time. Well, we can discuss about it and we can come to an agreement as to what will happen from here on, and the consequences and set backs that would follow with either one of the decisions. I am hoping that all things turn out well, so that both of us can benefit. I hope that my parents can be more undderstanding and stuff, so i shall let things settle and stuff, praying and hoping for God's way to take control over this matter.
waiting for your call....
I don't care and I'm not okay
11:58:00 PM
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Loved the gathering at J-zee's house on the 1st of January. Lots of things happened apart from the fun times which most of us experienced. Dear and I went there early, thinking that we could help out with the food, the marinating and preparations. But to our surprise, almost everything was prepared and all we had to do was to bring up the equipment to the balcony and get the fire going. Well, we played Mahjong once Amanda and Dongzee arrived. We played for a while before i started realising that baby was rather emo, she was just acting moody. Well, initially i thought that it was just nothing, but i later asked her what the matter, and she was irritated by the loud thumping music from the O2 Mania and she was agitated by the fact that she was hungry, and she was just very restless. I still thought that that was not the real reason, and continued my asking, and she later was like a dumb person. She did not wanna answer any of my questions, and she was really irritating me, cos i felt as if i was talking to a dead person, or the wall. Soon i realised that she was still affected by the fact that she was hungry and the noise was on her nerves. We talked in J-zee's room, and tears started rolling yet again, and that was then when i really knew that i should stop and let things rest. I felt rather wierd cos i did not know initially what was wrong with her and stuff, and when the others asked, i simply could not tell them an answer, so i felt awkward and left out. I felt like a stranger to her when i asked her when we were by the window. Well, she later went to emo at the balcony and it was drizzling still. Soon Kaixuan joined in and they started laughing, and that was when i knew things were starting to turn back to normal. I on the other hand was eager to start the fire going and start with the BBQ and stuff, so that my girl could eat something and feel better. Well, when u are in that kinda situation and lost with things, you really dunno what to do with your feeling of emptiness and anguish in front of all your friends. I think it would take one lots of courage and strength to hide away all those feelings and behave as if nothin has actually happened.
Well, once all the food started rolling out, I finally saw a smile on her face, and i was happy and glad that she was emotionally feeling better. But i was not really alright all throught the night. I was thankful for all the food she fed me while i was busy barbequeing the food, and she was really great, cos she really took good care of me, drinks and stuff all included!! All seemed happy and stuff until Ryan arrived. He came, said hi and just started with the eating. There was this instance where i saw Ryan and Huimin siting really close to each other talking and chatting, and laughing. I glanced at them unknowingly and it caught my attention. I looked at huimin and she glanced back, but she did not do anything much. I dunno whether she knew what i was feeling at that point of time, but i assume she did not. I was again stunned but soon the numbness setled in, cos i had to accept the fact that Ryan is her best friend in TP, so i had no other choice. I cannot be so protective over her, if not she would feel like a prisoner. Well, apart from those few incidents, i am rather happy everything turned out better towards the end. I certainly hope that she likes the cup i gave her in our gift exchange. <3
