I am EMO
so what??
do I look like I care?
NO

IMEEM rocks

Bestie
Malia
Saliha
Darren

shout for all i care
tagboard here.
Cbox recommended

July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
November 2008

Host: Blogger
Image: lonedoll
Layout: chique-lilie

Today was filled with more DOWNS than UPS. I got up, gave Malia a wake up call, and then went back to sleeping, cos it was raining and it was so cold and cozy to sleep in! Without my knowledge, the time passed by so quickly that the next time i saw my clock on my phone, it was already 0830hrs. I immediately jumped out of my bed and rushed to the toilet, took a bath and got dressed, skipped my breakfast, and got my dad to speed me to school. On the journey to school, Malia told me that she was not going for lecture cos she was having a bad headache, and thus chose to sleep in. My dad managed to make it to school on the dot, just in time for EBM lecture. Lecture was so boring and dead that i wanted to just walk out, but i didn't cos i had no where to go and no one else would leave with me. :(( After lecture, went to eat at design school, ate chicken chop...!! My table had Ben, TW, Darren and myself. I started by asking Ben where he and his girlfriend went to eat dinner yesterday, and i soon started probing more abt him, his finances and his lifestyle. Also inquired more abt Jovina and he told us abt her physic. Interesting!!! The topic that stuck to my mind like glue was the topic on saving....we were all discussing how we could save cash every week....for whatever reasons, i was and still am finding it hard to save up money....one reason why i am saving is that i need to pay people back cash. I don't wanna be owing people cash before the year comes to an end. So i've decided to save up and pay back my debts. Everything seemed fine till we went for SAS tutorial ....that was when i started feeling gloomy, or maybe since EBM lecture, i dunnno. My frens could tell that i was rather emo, and moody. I tried my best not to show it, cos i knew that they didn't like it. So i just told Soon Xiang that i was tired, nothing else. Anyways, after lunch, i called Jerlynn too see whether she had left house, but to my surprise she was on her way to school alr. HAHAHAHASS!!! I was surprised, until she told me that she had some group meeting....Back to SAS tutorial, i was moody cos i knew i could not meet up with her. I tried forgetting it and went ahead to play with the rubix cube, got more frustrated so i started looking into Leah's bag!!! Got really amused with the contents in her bag. HAHAHSS!!!

Went home after SAS lecture, and did not message her since then. I went home, ate and watched Heroes and then went to sleep. Woke up at around 1800hrs and went out to meet Nat to pass her her birthday presents. Met her at her house, passed her the stuff and went to parkway to change some left over currencies...and headed home!! On the way home, i was thinking on how i could save the $50/- my dad gave my this week, and yet buy bus concession for the next month. I tried calculating whether i could spend less than $45 bucks on transport in a month, but i dun think that's gonna be possible. My target of saving $300/- cannot be broken!!! :(

While bathing just now, the sting for my cross came lose and i cannot seem to tie it back...so i can't wear it anymore. I hope to get it fixed asap, during my free time. I hope to start running regularly to get back my fitness and leg strength....

>I got a message from Jerlynn, asking me whether i was still a sad and emo boy....i told her that i was not anymore, but deep inside me i was still emo, probably of the fact that i went to meet my ex-girlfriend and that hug we had brought back lots of memories. It was not a long hug, but i could feel and tell from that few seconds that she still has a place for me in her heart. I dunno how to say it, but i know that things would not work out between us, cos firstly she isn't a christian, secondly because of her lifestyle. I would not wanna drift away from my walk with GOD, not after so much effort done by Jerlynn and also by myself. Well, i think that i owe Jerlynn an APOLOGY.

Well, i gotta go for a run now to take things off my mind and clear some thoughts. Had thoughts of buying a pack again just now while on the way home...but refrained yet again because of the promise i took with HER and MYSeLf!!! Gotta stay healthy!!
On Saturday I went to church with an extra bag, my crumpler bag. In it was a feathered pillow for Jerlynn, i wanted to surprise her with it ever since her dad threw away her soft soft pillow when her mom got her a new one. She did not like it cos it wasn't soft enough and it gave her neckaches and back pains after sleeping on it. So, i carried the soft feathered pillow in my crumpler bag, all the way in the mrt from Kembangan to Tiong Bahru, took a bus to church and went on with church. I was leading in singspiration and it was quite a disaster. Peixian, the pianist played most songs too fast, which made my session rather short. I shared a bit about my first week in school and what i read from my quiet time. Once that was over, i went to dinner with the rest, danna, lydia, josh, joleen, kenneth, and elana. I ate so much that i was full to the brim. I headed to sengkang next, to go drop off her pillow and some other stuffs of hers. I called her dad to inform him i was going. I got there, hid the pillow, wrote message, had somemore food there, cos her mom cooked both our share and i did not want her to waste so much food, its God's food. So i ate what i could and soon i was heading home, before Jerlynn got back. Just befor i left, i tidied her room, made her bed, packed her table and neatly arranged her notes and her cups. I arranged her ear-rings on her bed, following the rays of the sun image on her sheets. =D

I left her house quickly, not wasting anytime. At the bus stop, i remembered that i forgot to close her laptop. I wanted to know how to fold an origami crane, but it was too late. I called back and asked her dad to close it for me. On the way home, i messaged her to ask her where she was, and i was assured that she could not had seen me leaving sengkang. PHEW!!! Later on at night, she called me and she was in a very happy and cheerful mood. I think this was the first time i surprised her and she was really elated. She thanked me and we chatted.....

Sunday was a long day. I went to collect my earrings and bracelet which i had custom done, they are for my ex, whose birthday is coming really really soon. like in 25 hours. YUPS!!! I really hope she likes them la, and i hope she'll wear them. I have yet to write her a letter. I'm still thinking whether to get her a cake....went for gospel and we studied together at basement, (if doing 5 mcq questions studying.) I went home and i initially talked to my dad about my financial needs. I calculated that i need more than 10 bucks for school, and that i also need more food on food, considering the fact that i eat so much. =D Well, it ended up in both my dad and i raising our voices and arguing. I gave up and went to do my own stuff.

Today, i woke up at 8am, snoozed all the way till 11am. And i was late for lecture, which began at 11am. Shoots!!! I was so tired and move really slow today. I think its due to too many thoughts running about in my brain. On my way to school, my dad gave me 50 bucks, i asked him what this was for and he said" this is your allowance for the week." I was like "oh okays" but in my heart i was like YEAH MAN!!!! I am really grateful that i've finally got a raise in my allowance after 5 years of secondary school. YIPEE!!!

As usual, school was boring as hell and i wanted to skip tutorial la. Our group ended up staying back to do the corrections to our work. So irritating la, we really dun understand what we gotta do. Totally la!!! We are like blind ppl leading other blind ppl. Well, i know that i am totally lost in EBM ans SAS. I'm just following the crowd. HAHAHAHAHAHSS!!! Met up with Jerlynn at SL and got my earrings from her, exchanged the paw paw thingy...LOLSS!!!! Can't believe she told Wan Zhen about our own Paw paw...HAHAH! I really wonder what WZ thought when she heard those words man.! =DD

I nearly missed my interview today with Ben and the management team. I was just too engrossed with going home and proving to my dad that i am a responsible, good and filial son who respects his elders. I went for my briefing and was rather interested in the job offer. Since both my parents ain't working anymore, i dun wanna trouble them, so i wanna earn some cash to ease of the burden from my parents. I know this calls for me to manage my free-time really well. I got know how to handle these important issues: studies, relationships, work, money. Met lisa la, can't believe she saw me talking to the managers la. I went to meet her after that and we talked while walking to my bus stop. I told her stuffs on why i was there and what i was doing. Rushed home, and met Sam at Starbucks, i did my Microeconomics mcq there. I DID NOT buy a drink. Its like the first time i went there and did not get myself a drink la. How miraculous. Went home after that and was super duper hungry while walking back home. I needed food badly. Went home and there was no freaking food, i was super mad, irritated and pissed off. I shouting at everyone! I just wanted food. I was tired and sleepy and needed energy. So i was so irritated that i choosed to blog.

I got like microecons and POM work to do. I hope my editing to the POM is alright, and to MALIA, my dear girl, i really mean it from my heart that you are elegant looking in those pictures on your blog. I was not bad mouthing behind your back. I just did not wanna flatter you or make you feel flattered in front of everyone, esp since Soon Xiang was there. YUPS!!! SMILE GIRL!!!! :DD :))

Gonna chiong work now.!! BYES!!!!
Its Saturday morning already!!! So quickly one week of school has past!!! I've got work flowing in and i gotta have some time on my own to start work, if not i would be giving too much!! :]

Chatted with Donovan and he told me his problems about his girl. I kinda suspect that he has a thing for Wan Zhen, but i shall not jump into any form of conclusions. After sch today, i went to find Jerlynn, and gang, but they all left the lecture hall!! (so much for crashing lecture!) I later met them along Business school, went to Biz Park and waited for like an hour. Went to Student Lounge to 'lepak' and got my ass kicked in pool by some pro player, who probably had no life in secondary school except for playing pool. Watched the last episode of Heroes, and then waited for those HTM students as they went for Commskills tutorial. JJ, Dong, Don, Wan, Amanda, Jerlynn, KX, and i then went to take 27 home. Along the way, i could see that Don was being emo, and feeling rather upset over some matters. I think it was when someone called him aft their commskill tutorial and asked where we were. Then he told wei dong and i that our girls were waiting for us, and that we should go find them. Then he just walked away and played with the white pool ball. I didn't know what to say, cos i didn't want him to know that i suspect him liking Wan Zhen, so i just kept my peace. He later offered to carry my books, saying that he wanted to do some weights, i insisted that i carry them myself, but he said "please" so i let him. I knew that he was sad and depressed over something, over someone, & over something important to his feelings. His facial expressions told me that, and since i am a rather good facial and tone interpreter, my hypothesis did not fail me! He said something like " I am gonna bully you during dinner, and that her face was a mask, and was playing ard with WAN ZHEN!" This occurred while walking on the over-head bridge. I noticed it but did not say anything. Later on at the bus stop, WZ's wallet was missing, i didn't know who took it, but i guessed that it was Don, but i acted blur. Later on, WZ became rather affected and was really quiet. I told Amanda and Jerlynn abt this....

Ooohhh, i think that WZ is currently really confused and she doesn't really know what to do, or how to tell each party in a manner not to hurt them emotionally and mentally. I think she is not really that mature to handle these situations, but with God i think she would find the strength and courage to do what's right in God's sight. I just can pray for her. +D

I can't believe i was so darn tired that i did not wake up to go home by bus, despite the hourly shakes by Jerlynn. I think her bed is just too comfortable to sleep!!! :))
She fell asleep on me too, can't believe it man...! It's like we were made together or something. Sleep also must sleep together!!! HAHAHAHASS!!
Took a cab home, cost me $20 bucks man! Darn cab driver missed the tampines ave 10 exit and had to go one whole round by Elias road. OUCH was what i felt as i saw the meter running....oh well, i guess thats the price you pay for sleeping on a comfortable bed with someone you love!!! HAHAHAHSS! [i'm super random, maybe its the pangs of hunger lingering inside me, and my stomach juices are like coming out of my throat soon if i don't eat something.]

JJ saw jerlynn lean her head on me.....so what????!!??? The world is still spinning what!!! :D :D :D I was already controlling myself and KEEPING MY HANDS TO MYSELF AND NOT PLACING THEM AROUND YOU!

Gotta go now, my mommy is up and alive! She has started nagging alr!!! Nights! Dun call me a pessimistic person! I WANNA BE PESTIMISTIC! LAMO! =))
I have been thinking too much today, and i am really tired, but i must blog cos of my previous post. I am grateful and thankful that Jerlynn accompanied me to go town yesterday to give her opinion on what i thought was nice as a gift for my ex! A MILLION THANKS!!!
I finally went to Haylee to get the earrings designed and handmade! That leaves me with 2 unsolved problems.

Today was a long and tiring day for me, had french tutorial and lecture all in a day, plus we had SAS tutorial in the morning and we alr are given a project to start with! ARGH!!!! The war has begun!! =X
Was a little affected by what i heard, saw and felt when i met up with wan zhen, huimin, amanda, wei dong, kai xuan and ryan. I guess good things don't always come in three's! I was and am still affected, but i'll get over it sooner and later. Not months later, but i'll need some months to evaluate my hypothesis, and see whether i was right or not!

I am not really in the mood to talk abt it, but i shan't let the mood thingy take over me. I gotta move around obstacles and continue this relationship that i have. Until the next post.....
Too tired to blog after a long day spent walking Far East Plaza. So i'll blog probably later or tomorrow! Gonna bed now man! Sch tmr starts at 11am! CIAOS!!!
School was fast for me today, was in at 1pm and out at 3pm.....headed to try to look and get stuff, but i was disappointed and furiously mad when i could not find that particular item which i wanted, more rather, nothing appealed my eyes today. Speaking of which, i just wanted to get the solution to return Serene, but the sales lady managed to persuade me to get the lenses too, and since i was down to my last pair, i thought why not. The lenses were on offer and she said that if i got 2 boxes, she would let me try out the new Biomedics lenses, with 60% more oxygen and more moisture. So i got my lenses and headed to Hereen after walking for 3 hours at Far East Plaza!!!

Called Hui Min along the way and asked where she was. I found out that she was still with her friends at her friend's house and they sounded really rowdy at the background. I wanted to ask her something on a gift which i was intending to get, but i did not have the full opportunity cos she was with her friends and i thought that it was rather inconvenient. Well, i managed to get her viewpoint and opinion on my situation. After walking taka, hereen, and far east, i still was not able to find any clothing, accessories, or bags which caught my eyes. I am feeling rather stressed and irritated, cos i just found out that Nat is gonna get me a RL polo tee, though i requested for a Fred Perry one, i doubt that she'll get it! =DD

I just got off the phone with Ben, and i have pushed the appointment with him till friday, its some selling of some lifestlye products, supposedly rather high pay, depending on you commission and how many units you sell. Hope my skill in talking to consumers is still within me man....gonna need it!!!

Sch tmr is gonna be boring i guess, and i have not printed out the notes for lecture later. Darn!!! Well, i hope my sis can lend me some cash so i'll be able to get the various peoples' present. I hope that she'll be willing to do so! Yups!
Gonna knock out now man, NIGHTS!! +))
First day of school was rather alright, could finally meet all my cool peeps from class, malia, saliha, ben, weisheng, jeremy, soon xiang, teck wee, kenneth, darren and taufiq!!!! Well, lets just say these are the few whom i can get along with, and are on the same frequencies as I. =DD Lectures were super boring, and we had tutorial on work after our first lecture for POM man, that sucks. OH well, can't complain, cos i told myself to work hard this semester and not slack!!!

Went out for dinner with 2nd sister! Ate a super filling and sumptuous meal at Thai Express!!! I treated her dinner!! See, what a filial brother i am to my sister! =X We are supposed to go for waffles and ice-cream later tonight at Gelare!! Hahas, super fattening and sinful man! I am goin fat soon man!!! Gotta start exercising to lose the freaking flab which is growing bigger and larger day by day!!!! :((

Goin town today to get something and walk ard for a while, hopefully i would find something i am looking for!!!! Ciaos!!!
School is back and i'm rather interested but yet i still want my holidays. I just hope that i'll meet new cool people!!!~! I hope i can manage with French as my CDS, just praying hard that i dun fail it man! It hurts why my GPA wasn't at least a high 2.9. I am going to work my hardest, giving my very best and not slacking anymore like last semester.

To all my peeps. school is BACK!!!!!!
"You cannot be emo cos you have me!" I like this phrase which my baby girl said. It brings about a nice feeling!! =D

I never blogged yesterday cos i had nothing to blog about. It was my birthday, thats why i had nothing to blog. I was engrossed the entire day that i was too tired to type. Sorry!! XD
School is starting this Monday! AHHHH!!! I dun want it to start, cos its gonna be so hectic, and i gotta go back and meet those queer friends in school! URGH! On the contrary, i miss those that i'm close to. I really hope that my friends in school can get to know me better and accept me the way i am! That's my request this semester!! I also hope that my new modules are relatively alright to handle. I also hope that both jerlynn and i can manage our new modules and esp for her, her CYA and her studies at the same time. My thoughts could be different from her so i hope that in the upcoming semester we both would cope better with our tutorials and projects!!! :))

I am goin to pay back all my debts before the year comes to an end, thats a promise and i hope that she would help me with this promise by refraining me from spending too much cash. THANKS DEAR~~!

Song practice later, hope you got the strength and voice to sing!
NIGHTS!
My family and i eventually went to Jumbo Seafood Restaurant at East Coast Beach and we had a wonderful sumptuous meal. Well, i was satisfied and pleased with the food Oon Hui ordered...i loved the crabs!!! Yummy! +D

Came home and she was at my place in 10 mins with a cake and some gift for me. I was so pleased and touched when she was singing the birthday song for me together with my family members and Wei(hunk). I was rather embarrassed when i saw her that cheerful bubbly on my birthday. I was really toucheD!!! THANKS DEAR!
We went to walk at my nearby park at Greenfield and we soon asked Sam along....chatted with Sam and we soon headed back home. We got held back cos of the cute cat. It was worth the wait even though i was rather tired. Next thing, we were in a cab on our way to Sengkang. She passed me stuff and cash for cab home when i saw her to her house. I knew she had something for me when i was in the cab, but didn't know what it was. Honestly, i thought that she might have gotten me a different present. OHH WELL!!!! I am satisfied.

Thankz for the sweet and nice letter. I will continue my best to be a star for God in this galaxy. I will strive to be a vessel for him. You have indeed been a part of my life over the past 1 month plus, and thanks for all the nagging to read God's word. It was my resolution this year to get to know God better...and u were a part of it! TKS! :)) OUHHH, and i so so so love the small gift you got for me, okays, not really small, but its relatively huge in size. I might wear it, depending on how it feels on my skin. I would definitely wear it if it were a little smaller, but i still love it!!!! One question for you would be why did you choose a wooden one???? HAHAS!

>Thanks to all the many many ppl who wished me!!! At least you all remember my birthday. I really appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness. Thanks!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMESY BOI!!!!!! YIIPPEEEE!!!!!!2
The past few days has been rather alright, went to meet girl girl yesterday, had lunch at compass point. She was not feeling too well, had some stomach cramps, and gastric, but the pain went away after our meal. She was later pissed cos she was still angry over her dad throwing her pillow away without her knowledge. So she brought up her thoughts on this issue to her mom in a rather raised pitch tone. She told me that her back had hurt from the not so soft pillow, and was agitated by it. I hope the pillow softens up quickly cos school is starting soon and i want her to sleep well at night. I actually have in mind to get her a new softer pillow...but shall not say when. Jacqueline has been messaging me lots and lots these past few days, and it seems that she is trying to get really close to me. I find and totally awkward and weird cos i am not close to her at all and she calls me her 'dear'. I dun wanna point it out directly to her cos she is those kinda sensitive persons, who would break down into tears for like no rhyme or reason. So i dun intend to say anything to Jacqueline till the time is right.

Today was another day where i was late for work. I dunno why, but my body just cannot seem to wake up even if i have two phone alarms. Its just so embarassing to meet Rip and know that he was mad and annoyed at my lateness. :( Work at Nan Chiau High was rather interesting, although team "crazy-cups" lost for once to the students team. To be honest, Wan Zhen would have been a better replacement for Cheryl. OhHh well!!!! Thank goodness i did not fumble man! :D

Well, today is my birthday....have been home since Rip's lift home. I am just waiting for my parents to bring me out to have a meal or something, but at this moment i dun see that as a possibility. WHY??? I smell my maid's cooking!!! NO PRESENTS SO FAR YET. HAHAHS!!!! WAS RATHER SUPRISED WHEN NATALIE CALLED TO WISH ME! THOUGHT SHE WOULD HAVE FORGOTTEN! MUST BE HER PHONE ALARM LA!!! :x

Gonna sleep now till something big wakes me up!
Yesterday's trip back Changi Airport was a filled with emotions and some tears. We shared to each other what we did not like about each other. I told her that i would hope that she would open up to me and tell me when she was feeling sad and depressed, and also like inform me briefly where she is so as to not make me worry too much. She said to me that she gets scared when i am frustrated, irritated, and angry cos she does not know what to do when i am in that state. Well, i basically could not tell her how to react and feel when i am in any of those three situations cos it would be me controlling her and not her usual self. Well, it takes time and there are alot more things you gotta know about my emotions and feelings. Some things can't be simply told outrightly.

Went to starbucks today, met up with Sam and a few of the St. Patrick gang, watched HEROES and read my book till i knocked out on the couch. I was simply too tired....got tempted to smoke as all my peeps there smoke, but i resisted. Thank God. Thoughts on continuing my ambition on writing about my past, but i chose to watch HEROES cos i was too deep in thought. My mind was just thinking about too many things, worrying about her at work and stuff. And, the emo mood never came to me the entire day until the moment i stepped off of 43, and saw that she was not there at the bus-stop. I called her but she sent me the busy tone. So i started walking, and along the way called her again. Got a reply and met her up the street. I so so wanted to hug her at that moment, but she turned away and said not to hug her cos she was sweaty and dirty and stinky. I felt hurt at that point of time but just continued walking. I felt empty, cos i had been thinking and worried for her after she told me the conditions she was working in.

Well, she got worked up cos her dad threw her old pillow way, and replaced it with a new and not to soft pillow. Well, i could tell that she was really angry and pissed with her dad. If i were her, i would have reacted and the same way. I totally know how she feels. Its alright girl, the pillow will be soft in a while, just gotta go ur place more often! HAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!

She is now asleep, and i wanna like leave without her knowing. Yups, i thinks its rather evil but i dun wan her to wake up, cos if she does, she would go online, read my blog and sleep late tonight again. I want her to rest well for tmr. Nights!!!
Everything has been sorted out and all my anxiety has been answered, after not speaking to her for at least 3-4 days, we finally broke the ice on Sunday evening when i called her mobile. We clarified things out and i felt much better after that phone call. I kinda dragged her to dinner cos my sis suggested that she join my parents for dinner, squeeze in the car with 4ppl behind and drive all the way to Marine Parade to eat our dinner. She felt nervous initially, but i felt that she open up during meal time. Thankfully my mom did not take it as in interrogation session to question her and ask her all the weird questions. THANK GOODNESS!!!! Sent her home after that, and we clarified more things to her, confessed to her that i did smoke. :( I could tell that she was rather disappointed and sad when she heard those words, but she said that she felt that once a smoker, its rather hard to stop completely, and she asked me to promise her that i'll not smoke again under such circumstances. I told her yes, but its gonna be like climbing Mount Everest in 1 day..... :( [but i'll try my bery best]

She told me that she was very [ren xing], which means will-full. I dunnno what she was trying to say to me, but i took it as an apology. Why??? I shall not say! I am on to accomplish my ambition, before the 18th of October. I hope i can fulfill what i am going to do. Hope i can remember as much details as possible. :D Off to changi airport to find a quiet place!
Today, i am not going to make any initiatives, and i want to see the outcomes of the situation between the both of us. I could not really sleep well last night, and i had a rather horrendous dream about the both of us. Rather exciting but yet it was freaky! I shan't say a thing more!!

>till later!
Yesterday was a long gloomy day. Got home from helping my uncle distribute some letters around his neighbouring block. As usual, its some letter to screw some person up!! HAHAS!!
Got home and called Jerlynn, asked her whether she wanted lunch, and soon found out that she did not want me over at her place yesterday... That was my first rejection of the day. We talked for a while, but after a while, i felt as if i was talking to someone whom i had barely known for a week, so we hung....i went online, hoping that she would be online, but did not see her appear online. I knew that she was reading my messages on her laptop as i could tell that she was appearing offline, WHY??? i also have no clue. [my guess? she did not wanna talk to me]. She later told me that she was going out to get stuff, but did not say where or with whom until i probed a little more. "she wanted to go out alone, for whatever reason i also dunno why. Initially i thought it was because she wanted to get my birthday present, but later on i realised that it wasn't, when she asked me whether she could pass me my present after my birthday." (From the way i felt over the phone just now, i knew she was PURPOSELY distancing herself from me. It's both good and bad in a way, but somehow i know that such tough things have to be done, hopefully for the benefit for the both of us in the future. I SERIOUSLY HOPE SO!!)

After that call, chatted with her online for a while till she said that she was FINALLY leaving her house to go some mysterious place she did not want me to know. I later text-ed her mobile, to see whether she was home. (She wasn't). Told her how i felt the entire day and my feelings at that very moment. Her reply msg: " okay! Then i shall not reply! :) don't contact me. My parents zz already."
I earlier asked her where she was, and knew she was still out, where i don't know and still dunno. I felt that i was being kept in the loop, and felt worried. She called it being too possessive. I totally agree, that is why I myself dunno what caused me to be so fucking moody the entire fucking day that i shouted at my mom and dad at 7plus. Second rejection of yesterday.

FFFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!

I tried watching movies the entire day, tired playing dota, tried walking, but it all did not work. At uncle Chear Wah's brother-in-law's wake, i was asked, what was holding me back from getting baptized??? I OUTRIGHTLY SAID, THAT ITS NOT THE SIC CLASS THAT WE ALL GOTTA ATTEND, ITS NOT THE BOOK THAT WE GOTTA COMPLETE, BUT ITS THE CHANGE THAT I HAVE TO EXPERIENCE, THAT CHANGE WHICH MY PARENTS CAN SEE SO CLEARLY, THAT CHANGE WHICH COMES FROM WITHIN WHICH WOULD SHOCK MY PEERS, THAT CHANGE WHICH GOD THE ALMIGHTY CAN ONLY PERFORM. UNLESS THERE IS THAT CHANGE, I DON'T SEE MYSELF DEEMED FIT TO BE BAPTIZED AND PARTAKE THE HOLY COMMUNION.

"I CANNOT TELL WHY HE WHOM ANGELS WORSHIP,
SHOULD SET HIS LOVE UPON THE SONS OF MEN,
OR WHY AS SHEPHERD, HE SHOULD SEEK THE WANDERERS,
TO BRING THEM BACK-THEY KNOW NOT HOW OR WHEN.
BUT THIS I KNOW-THAT HE WAS BORN OF MARY,
AND BETHLEHEM'S MANGER WAS HIS ONLY HOME,
AND THAT HE LIVED AT NAZARETH AND LABORED,
AND SO THE SAVIOUR, SAVIOUR OF THE WORLD IS COME.

I CANNOT TELL HOW ALL THE LANDS SHALL WORSHIP,
WHEN AT HIS BIDDING EVERY STORM IS STILLED,
OR WHO CAN SAY HOW GREAT THE JUBILATION
WHEN ALL THE HEARTS OF MEN WITH LOVE ARE FILLED.
BUT THIS I KNOW-THE SKIES WILL THRILL WITH RAPTURE,
AND MYRIAD, MYRIAD HUMAN VOICES SING,
AND EARTH TO HEAVEN, AND HEAVEN TO EARTH, WILL ANSWER:
AT LAST THE SAVIOUR, SAVIOUR OF THE WORLD IS KING!"
Yesterday was a fun day at PHSS. Rip and the group of us went there to teach cup stacking. It was super hot and stuffy cos the school did not turn on the air-con for the guys session. There were the usual rowdy guys, irritating the others while the explanation was given out. Next were the girls, better in attitude and behavior, because probably they are gals, but yet there were those who did not care too whoots abt what was going on, and just chose to sleep on their desks. Well, unfortunately for them, they just lost the opportunity of learning something extra, and educational.

After the session was over, i went to Jerlynn's place and we went for lunch at Banquet. The food was great, but it was a little expensive. I was a little agitated and disappointed with the fact that my "Yong Tou Hu" cost more than $6.00. I mean i did not know that a quail's egg even cost $0.50, and that noodles nowadays are more exp. It was there and then, that i again realized the importance of my parents money, and that i had to spend money wisely. After lunch, we watched some movies together, and as usual, i fell asleep on her bed without my own knowledge. Woke up to a kiss, and the rest is history....

Well, with regards to what she said that following morning over the phone, i get your point. I just hope we can maintain, and i promise you, not more than 1 pack a day if we were to go our seperate ways. I felt and am still feeling confused as to why you brought that topic up. I hope your not thinking what i had thought over the night. I just really hope not. It was a sensitive issue to me....but i am done over with it alr.

Today, i spent the entire day at home, ate dinner at home for the first time in more than a month. Can imagine the amt of cash i have been spending over the last few weeks....my pockets are empty now!!! :(
Ate authentic home cooked food, and it sure feels different from outside food. No msg for sure, and better tastes and flavours! Yummy!!!

My laptop was literally on the entire day, downloaded CS v1.6, but it did not have bots to play against me, so i deleted it. Called Rip, hoping that he might need me tmr but got turned down. In the end, my uncle called my and asked me to help him give out fliers tmr morning, and he is like paying me $20. I hope that is not too low, but i am his nephew, so wadever man! Hope its fast and chopp chopp. Chatted with Jerlynn, and soon found out that she was irritated with the fact that she had no food to eat. "A hungry man is an angy man, but a hungry girl is indeed an agitated girl."
Buzzed her to talk to her, but she said that she did not wanna talk, so i hanged. I felt annoyed after hanging and felt that she was rather short tempered. I walked down, ate a slice of cheese and told myself that she was just really hungry and i should not let my imaginations run wild (which they always do).

Now, i am really starving and hungry. I wan food to eat, prata, mee/bee hoon goreng, pattaya rice....yummy!!!!
>Off to go scavage for food!!!!
We just had a small dispute just now. Well, i was irritating her on msn and calling her by OI, and i overdid it. She got really irritated and some how told me off in a very rude way, at least that was how i felt. So i apologized, trying to make her smile back, trying to get her to forgive me. My last statement to her was " i am sorry dear". I was waiting for her response, hoping that she would feel better abt it, probably bring a smile to her face.

>but to my surprise, she told me "i am not your dear." I felt like a nobody after that, and inside of me, i felt like screaming F**K so loud till i wake my siblings. Maybe i was too sensitive, but somehow i knew that statement was a sincere and a real one. So i straight away purposely said bye and went offline. While watching secret, i felt crappy, and chose not complete it. Played spider solitaire and pondered on things. Went back online and wrote this : James says:
i know you were pissed at me calling you the way i did just now. well, i apologised jus now and i felt that you should have forgiven me. I know i went a little over board and i apologise again! Hope you dun takt it too seriously, but i went offline to cool myself down. I was a little too frustrated with your response. thats all. I am cool now and i wan to talk to you. I really wanna speak to you!
James says:
will you pls call me whenever you are free?

She did not reply me, cos she thought i was offline. So i appeared online and soon enuff, aft a long time she replies telling me that she went to shower. Okays, and i was waiting for a more responsive answer. NVM, she just said that everything is alright, and that she wanted to read the Bible and wanted to write her dairy. So i agreed. Now, we are chatting over msn.....spare me man!
The day started out nice and sweet! Went to her house in a cab, opened her house door and went straight to wake her up. I think i shocked her out of her sleep!! :D After a while she got up and went to wash up, came back to her room......etc, got dressed and we left for Bugis. We were obviously late to have lunch with WZ and frens, cos WZ was working in her dad's company. So she could not Jalan with us! We ate duck rice instead of Macs as we both felt that it was unhealthy, or rather it was me who felt so!

Came back, met up with the rest and we soon parted ways as the others didn't want to really walk around and shop. So we parted ways at Bossini. The both of us went to walk ard, looking at all the push-carts and their products. Aft which, we went to bugis street/ village to walk. We walked the entire place-upstairs and downstairs. We walked since 1pm till 6pm. DARN legs were killing me, and my back still hurts now even aft so many hours. She bought two skinnies, one grey and black, two tees, "mr tickle and mr bump!" Both of which i thought were really nice in color. Me on the other hand wanted to get a shoe, but resisted the temptation. I wanted the red onisuka tiger, mexico 66 design. But i refrained myself. Initially i did not wan to spend a cent on clothes, as i told myself that i had to stop the shopping addiction. I am like getting an item every week. Either a shoe, or bermudas, or tees!! DARN!!! I AM BROKE NOW!!!!!!!!! Anyways, i got myself a stipped bermudas, and a mr tickle tee too. Its more of to match hers!!! HAHAS!!!! I jus did not wan to tell her!!!! :DD

We left and went to meet the rest of the grp, who were waiting for us at BK. We both later realised that they were following us for an hour while on the second floor of Bugis. They probably noticed us holding hands, and hugging one another! Hopefully they did not see us kiss! Went to the prata shop at serangoon, Amanda's house to eat. Ate mee/bee hoon goreng, 1 cheese & onion, 1 egg & cheese, 1 mushroom & cheese, and 3 kosong. Drank teh tareh and green tea! SUPER STUFFED AFT THAT BOY!!!!!!! :))

Went to the park near Amanda's house and we slacked there for a while. Soon, WZ, who was looking very sick since we met her aft her work puked at the park. I think she had some wind in her, and to make things worse, she ate prata.....
The both of us left at 10 plus and went to sengkang, watched CSI miami at her house till 11pm, and i went home. On the bus, i checked my phone and realised that sam msged me. I immediately called him back to see whether he wanted to talk on the phone, but he said he was busy studying....he sounded pissed and disappointed in me, but i could not say anything but the truth.

While walking home, got a call from my dad. He told me to get the F**K home immediately. I told him that i was walking home, and i told him that i went to sam's house, cos i wanted to see whether sam wanted to talk things out, but he called and wanted me home. Since that day's talk with my parents, i have been having cold and hot wars with them every single day. I dunno wad is their prob, esp my mum, who thinks HM and i are together. My dad on the other hand is just pissed off with me. I jus want to get a job, so that i can earn my own cash, pay her back and save!!! No more alr! My parents objected to my idea of the chalet, and now that darius pulled out, i am left with nothing on my birthday. I think i wanna spend it with HM!!! <3 Hope she gets me something nice for my birthday! I like that bag, but i can make do without it! Well, hope she knows my taste and liking for things well enuff by the time she gets my present!!!!

Regarding tmr, i dunno wad to do. I can go her house and we can fix the puzzle together, and slack and relax together at her house, or we can stay in our own homes, kill ourselves with boredom and misery. I know that if i were to stay home, i would just hear more nagging from my mum. YEP!!! You decide lar!!!! HAHAS!!! If you want me to go your place, then i will go, cos i know you cannot maintain!! HAHAHAHAHAS!!! :DD

Call me anytime you want, cos i think i watch the show another time. I am downstairs now la, then running on batt, by the time i watch the movie, no more batt alr!

I don't care and I'm not okay

12:58:00 AM

Wednesday, October 3, 2007 l

Yesterday was the first time we never really did anything to one another. We really were trying our best to refrain from being too close to one another, fearing that we might not be able to control ourselves. Well, we managed to pull through the day, more of the entire afternoon. Had dinner with her parents, said grace for the food and ate a sumptuous meal...loved the fellowship with them much more than the food. Honestly, all the dishes were too salty, but we should not complain cos God has Blessed us with the food before us. So i kept my mouth shut. Prawns were nice!!! Haven't eaten those in a long time!!! YUMMY!!!! :DD Went to get some groceries from PRIME, and aft that went home.
<>{ I felt that the time spent with Huimin's parents are much more quality time spent with my own parents. HONESTLY! Her parents are so lovable, caring and affectionate to one another, let alone to me. I think she is really blessed with such loving and caring parents. When i was telling them abt my parents vocation, i was rather sad, as i saw the great vast difference in her family and mine. Hers was small, and simple, getting through life happily, whereas mine was so much more different. I was the smallest, and the age gap between my siblings is just so big. At least 7-8 yrs till my younger sis nessa! How am i suppose to get close to them? They were too busy for a kid like me when i was young cos they were probably busy mugging their butts off, hoping to get into a good sch which my parents had probably planned, getting into a good university, and getting a good stable career. Looking at them now, i think they have accomplished all just that, except leaving their younger brother out. Not bonding with him, not brining him out to the park as often as they went out to play. I dunno wad to say, except that; I feel that i am being left out in all my family's lives. They are either too busy with work, their social life and worrying on how to get a good and high paying job that they have freaking hell lost their youngest brother.}

Enuff abt me. I totally screwed things up. I forgot to pass Huimin her house key to open her house door. I wanted to bang my head against something hard and scream out loud the moment i heard her teary and sad voice on the noisy bus. I knew she was crying and only found out the real reason why she cried.

James says:
when were you crying??
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
cos i felt very alone very afraid very abandoned.
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
whn i called you.
James says:
i know
James says:
okays!
James says:
i promise this will never happen again!
James says:
i promise
James says:
cross my heart
James says:
prepare to die!
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
haha i've never felt tht for a long time or never felt tht beofre.
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
*before.
James says:
1********************************************************************00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

SORRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
so i cried.
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
haha
3 more mins to end of the world. constant reminder. die. i'm scared. says:
it's okay.

Well, from the above extract, i can infer that i had been totally a fool. I forgot to do something very important and i was not responsive in picking my calls. She called my 5 times from the police station and all i did was listen to my music and read my darn book, as the phone vibrated on and on in my freaking bag. So stupid of me, to leave my phone in my bag. WHY???? Because i dun like things in my pocket, cos it made them look bulky. Then why did they create such a things called pockets???? DUMBASS!!!! Well, i hope that she really accepts my apologies and forgives me. I hope that all things turn out good later when we talk. Hopefully! :)

Till the next happenings.....

I don't care and I'm not okay

12:52:00 AM

Monday, October 1, 2007 l

Got abandoned by my parents at church today, when i came down from Sunday School, i realised that our car had gone off. So i was stranded at church. Initially i was thinking of eating lunch alone, but i waited for Wesley, and we ate Ba Chor Mee!! Yummy, Huimin's favourite store! Hahas!

Well, Jerlynn went for lunch with her friends at Junction 8. I told her to msg me where she was gonna eat when she and her friends had settled down, but i did not receive any msg whatsoever. After lunch, went to find her at J8. When i reached there, i called her mobile, no one picked up, called lisa, no response, and called Cheryl....still no response. So i was thinking that something bad happened, like she broke down in tears or something over our issue we had this morning.

I don't care and I'm not okay

1:11:00 AM