Friday, October 12, 2007 l
Yesterday was a long gloomy day. Got home from helping my uncle distribute some letters around his neighbouring block. As usual, its some letter to screw some person up!! HAHAS!!
Got home and called Jerlynn, asked her whether she wanted lunch, and soon found out that she did not want me over at her place yesterday... That was my first rejection of the day. We talked for a while, but after a while, i felt as if i was talking to someone whom i had barely known for a week, so we hung....i went online, hoping that she would be online, but did not see her appear online. I knew that she was reading my messages on her laptop as i could tell that she was appearing offline, WHY??? i also have no clue. [my guess? she did not wanna talk to me]. She later told me that she was going out to get stuff, but did not say where or with whom until i probed a little more. "she wanted to go out alone, for whatever reason i also dunno why. Initially i thought it was because she wanted to get my birthday present, but later on i realised that it wasn't, when she asked me whether she could pass me my present after my birthday." (From the way i felt over the phone just now, i knew she was PURPOSELY distancing herself from me. It's both good and bad in a way, but somehow i know that such tough things have to be done, hopefully for the benefit for the both of us in the future. I SERIOUSLY HOPE SO!!)
After that call, chatted with her online for a while till she said that she was FINALLY leaving her house to go some mysterious place she did not want me to know. I later text-ed her mobile, to see whether she was home. (She wasn't). Told her how i felt the entire day and my feelings at that very moment. Her reply msg: " okay! Then i shall not reply! :) don't contact me. My parents zz already."
I earlier asked her where she was, and knew she was still out, where i don't know and still dunno. I felt that i was being kept in the loop, and felt worried. She called it being too possessive. I totally agree, that is why I myself dunno what caused me to be so fucking moody the entire fucking day that i shouted at my mom and dad at 7plus. Second rejection of yesterday.
FFFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!
I tried watching movies the entire day, tired playing dota, tried walking, but it all did not work. At uncle Chear Wah's brother-in-law's wake, i was asked, what was holding me back from getting baptized??? I OUTRIGHTLY SAID, THAT ITS NOT THE SIC CLASS THAT WE ALL GOTTA ATTEND, ITS NOT THE BOOK THAT WE GOTTA COMPLETE, BUT ITS THE CHANGE THAT I HAVE TO EXPERIENCE, THAT CHANGE WHICH MY PARENTS CAN SEE SO CLEARLY, THAT CHANGE WHICH COMES FROM WITHIN WHICH WOULD SHOCK MY PEERS, THAT CHANGE WHICH GOD THE ALMIGHTY CAN ONLY PERFORM. UNLESS THERE IS THAT CHANGE, I DON'T SEE MYSELF DEEMED FIT TO BE BAPTIZED AND PARTAKE THE HOLY COMMUNION.
"I CANNOT TELL WHY HE WHOM ANGELS WORSHIP,
SHOULD SET HIS LOVE UPON THE SONS OF MEN,
OR WHY AS SHEPHERD, HE SHOULD SEEK THE WANDERERS,
TO BRING THEM BACK-THEY KNOW NOT HOW OR WHEN.
BUT THIS I KNOW-THAT HE WAS BORN OF MARY,
AND BETHLEHEM'S MANGER WAS HIS ONLY HOME,
AND THAT HE LIVED AT NAZARETH AND LABORED,
AND SO THE SAVIOUR, SAVIOUR OF THE WORLD IS COME.
I CANNOT TELL HOW ALL THE LANDS SHALL WORSHIP,
WHEN AT HIS BIDDING EVERY STORM IS STILLED,
OR WHO CAN SAY HOW GREAT THE JUBILATION
WHEN ALL THE HEARTS OF MEN WITH LOVE ARE FILLED.
BUT THIS I KNOW-THE SKIES WILL THRILL WITH RAPTURE,
AND MYRIAD, MYRIAD HUMAN VOICES SING,
AND EARTH TO HEAVEN, AND HEAVEN TO EARTH, WILL ANSWER:
AT LAST THE SAVIOUR, SAVIOUR OF THE WORLD IS KING!"
I don't care and I'm not okay
12:36:00 AM
