Friday, December 21, 2007 l
On the last day of OTC, the GL's and the sub comm ppl went to the Macs near the CPF building at Tampines, and we all hanged out, and had our dinner. It was really cool, a whole bunch of TP ppl sitting in circles, cheering, playing games and having lost of fun. While eating at Macs, my ex called me and Wei Dong played a prank on her by picking up the call and acted like a voice receiver, and then hanged up immediately. After my meal, i called her back and found out that she wanted me to go her place to collect my belated birthday present, and she even offered to pay for my cad down. So i reluctantly left the whole group and took a cab to her place after sending Huimin off. We talked at her void deck and she soon needed to use the toilet, i initially wanted to leave at that point of time, but i felt rather bad, cos i just arrived for like only 30 mins. So i went up to her house, and sat at her study area, but it was really weird to converse with one another as her father was in the living room watching television, so we moved into her room. We basically talked about each other's life and how things have been going, and i found out that she was still single, which was a shock to me as i thought that she had already moved on in life and relationships. Never did i know that she was being more cautious of guys as she did not wanna be left by the next guy she gets together with. Well, i told her the sole reason why i broke up with her is that she was not a christian and that it was against my own religion to get together with a non believer. So once that was out, i continued to tell her other things like her character and stuff. Questions about how we felt after the break up, how we saw and viewed things after that situation, whether we had thoughts of moving on in our relationship lives. I was feeling emo after we talked, and i decided to go home. I called huimin while i was in the cab, but there was no response, i figured that she must be really tired, so she is probably asleep.
The following day, i woke up feeling naturally emo, and i did not do anything much throughout the whole day. I chose to meet up with the rest of the few ZEE family who were out in town, hoping that my emo feeling would disappear after meeting them, but it did not. When i met huimin, she did not even comfort me or ask me anything. I was waiting for her to ask something related to what happened to me last night, but i heard nothing. Instead, all i saw was her having fun with Siqi, Kaixuan and Amanda. I was really shocked but after awhile, the sense of numbness settled in and i was just trying to keep myself together, not wanting nor expecting much. When we were at Hereen eating Wanton noodles, i was staring at her, making glances at her which some what showed that i was pissed and unhappy over things, whether or not she got the same feeling, i dun know, but i was really feeling terrible inside. Thank goodness the noodles was great, if not it wouldn't had made me feel better. I was considering of going home after the meal, but instead i chose to stay, as i approached huimin and asked her whether or not if i was right that she is not talking to me cos she did not know what to say to me to make me feel a little better or at least put a smile to my face, and i was right. So i decided to stay and accompany JJ to Cineleisure to get his shoes, hoping against all odds she would at least ask me; "You feeling better or not? wanna talk things or something?" But none of this was mentioned throughout the period while we were in cineleisure, so i decided to part ways after JJ left and i crossed over to wait for my bus. While waiting, she popped up gave me a hug, i was initially reluctant to hug her, but i knew it would had embarrassed her in public, so i half heartedly hugged her. I was sure she could feel and sense through the hug what i was feeling, or at least know a little bit of my emotions.
On the journey back, Natalie called me and asked me stuff, we talked till i reached home. She continued asking more questions on our relationship which i felt was rather redundant but i still chose to answer her cos i thought that if i wanted things to be clarified on my part, she also has the right to do likewise. So we talked till 11pm, and i was about to go to bed, i was playing midnight pool on my mobile when Huimin called. She wanted to talk things out, so i agreed. She was later on in tears, which i felt rather guilty for later cos of me and one situation, i caused my baby girl to cry one more. We later straightened things out and we both realised that there was a grave misunderstanding on the phrase " the past" and i clarified things through with her. More tears and soon after that we were back to our normal selves. By the end of our conversation, i was not mad nor angry with her anymore, but i just sincerly hoped that she can try to understand me better and i also hope that she can openly speak her mind out whenever things or situations arise.
I don't care and I'm not okay
12:23:00 PM
