Thursday, January 3, 2008 l
Loved the gathering at J-zee's house on the 1st of January. Lots of things happened apart from the fun times which most of us experienced. Dear and I went there early, thinking that we could help out with the food, the marinating and preparations. But to our surprise, almost everything was prepared and all we had to do was to bring up the equipment to the balcony and get the fire going. Well, we played Mahjong once Amanda and Dongzee arrived. We played for a while before i started realising that baby was rather emo, she was just acting moody. Well, initially i thought that it was just nothing, but i later asked her what the matter, and she was irritated by the loud thumping music from the O2 Mania and she was agitated by the fact that she was hungry, and she was just very restless. I still thought that that was not the real reason, and continued my asking, and she later was like a dumb person. She did not wanna answer any of my questions, and she was really irritating me, cos i felt as if i was talking to a dead person, or the wall. Soon i realised that she was still affected by the fact that she was hungry and the noise was on her nerves. We talked in J-zee's room, and tears started rolling yet again, and that was then when i really knew that i should stop and let things rest. I felt rather wierd cos i did not know initially what was wrong with her and stuff, and when the others asked, i simply could not tell them an answer, so i felt awkward and left out. I felt like a stranger to her when i asked her when we were by the window. Well, she later went to emo at the balcony and it was drizzling still. Soon Kaixuan joined in and they started laughing, and that was when i knew things were starting to turn back to normal. I on the other hand was eager to start the fire going and start with the BBQ and stuff, so that my girl could eat something and feel better. Well, when u are in that kinda situation and lost with things, you really dunno what to do with your feeling of emptiness and anguish in front of all your friends. I think it would take one lots of courage and strength to hide away all those feelings and behave as if nothin has actually happened.
Well, once all the food started rolling out, I finally saw a smile on her face, and i was happy and glad that she was emotionally feeling better. But i was not really alright all throught the night. I was thankful for all the food she fed me while i was busy barbequeing the food, and she was really great, cos she really took good care of me, drinks and stuff all included!! All seemed happy and stuff until Ryan arrived. He came, said hi and just started with the eating. There was this instance where i saw Ryan and Huimin siting really close to each other talking and chatting, and laughing. I glanced at them unknowingly and it caught my attention. I looked at huimin and she glanced back, but she did not do anything much. I dunno whether she knew what i was feeling at that point of time, but i assume she did not. I was again stunned but soon the numbness setled in, cos i had to accept the fact that Ryan is her best friend in TP, so i had no other choice. I cannot be so protective over her, if not she would feel like a prisoner. Well, apart from those few incidents, i am rather happy everything turned out better towards the end. I certainly hope that she likes the cup i gave her in our gift exchange. <3
I don't care and I'm not okay
10:41:00 PM
