Wednesday, May 21, 2008 l
hahaha i'm quite dumb to actually think that talking to random people in msn helps my mood to get better. rmbr i asked you that qns on the phone, if you had ever told your parents a 'sorry' when you know that you've done wrong and that you actually ask for their forgiveness?
i know i was wrong for using that tone of voice to talk to my mummy when all she did was ask me to go shower. as much as i am sorry, i cannot bring myself to say a word of sorry but yet all i am doing now is locking myself up in the room and typing this blog post. who says the girls dont have the ego? not me for sure.
a day just went by and this day sure went by in the blink of an eye. myabe that's because i was kept busy with my ssm lessons! hahhah. but do you know how much i'm suffering right now? yes it's only been a day. A DAY, but i feel worse. it's either that i'll die of anticipation or i'll die of longing. it isn't your fault and you din do anything wrong. but on my part, i was just waiting and checking my phone every two minutes to see if you've texted me of having the title of XX missed calls popping up on the screen on my phone. be it 7 missed calls or just 1, my heart would have felt at ease.
resting my eyes with the music playing in my ears, i gradually fell asleep. but the naggings shoved me back to reality, to that current time of 00:15am. unknowingly, i rushed to my bed, to check my phone for the billionth time, and there it was, YOUR CALL.
i wanted to scream into the phone that i missed you and i am still missing you but all that came out were squeaks of ums, yes and nos. i was practically shaking with tears rollling down, trying to muffle my voice that was thick with emotions, trying hard not to make you worried about me about the pact that we had-- temporarily soften down, quieten down whilst we spend more time with our family and other friends that are around us. but the truth is, i was already regretting my decision of a yes.
the reason(s) i agreed to it
- i didn't want you to start thinking about all the stuff all over again and planning, devising of another method how do we go about doing it. that at least now you will be able to FOC- Focus on Christ and your work you have piling on your table together with all your friendships and relationships with your boyfriends and girls.
- i think that idea that you came our with would really help that is, if i went along and co-operate.
and so, i'm gna cry out loud now in the shower.
I don't care and I'm not okay
3:13:00 AM
